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The royal visit is a distraction we don't need any more The royal visit is a distraction we don't need any more
(6 months later)
I’ll never forget what I was wearing when the most exciting visitors I’d ever seen came to visit our town in 1983. It was my “best” outfit. I was nine and got one new “going out” outfit once a year, purchased to wear to the annual agricultural show. I thought I looked magnificent in my rah-rah style tiered skirt, even though I was missing my matching two-tone canvas sneakers with Velcro straps. A friend had vomited on them after riding on the Zipper at said agricultural show so they got binned. Good times.I’ll never forget what I was wearing when the most exciting visitors I’d ever seen came to visit our town in 1983. It was my “best” outfit. I was nine and got one new “going out” outfit once a year, purchased to wear to the annual agricultural show. I thought I looked magnificent in my rah-rah style tiered skirt, even though I was missing my matching two-tone canvas sneakers with Velcro straps. A friend had vomited on them after riding on the Zipper at said agricultural show so they got binned. Good times.
Our esteemed visitors were the newlywed royals Prince Charles and Princess Diana and their new bub, William. They had travelled more than 500km to Mildura from the nearest major city, a particularly good effort given the shoulder pads on Diana’s outfits, which would surely have made it near impossible to struggle through the doors of the tiny regional aeroplanes.Our esteemed visitors were the newlywed royals Prince Charles and Princess Diana and their new bub, William. They had travelled more than 500km to Mildura from the nearest major city, a particularly good effort given the shoulder pads on Diana’s outfits, which would surely have made it near impossible to struggle through the doors of the tiny regional aeroplanes.
We waited for their arrival, plonked on the palm tree-lined boulevard of Mildura’s main drag, blistering from the hot sun (there was no factor 50 sunblock back then). The town looked glorious; the flowerbed that doubled as a clock working for the first time ever.We waited for their arrival, plonked on the palm tree-lined boulevard of Mildura’s main drag, blistering from the hot sun (there was no factor 50 sunblock back then). The town looked glorious; the flowerbed that doubled as a clock working for the first time ever.
Eventually, a menacing-looking black Rolls-Royce drove past our bunch of smiling kids with dirty faces. To me, the car looked regal, but boring. I couldn’t believe that posh people would choose such an old car over a brand new maroon-coloured Sigma like the one my best friend Lucinda’s mum drove. That car had cigarette lighters and ashtrays in all the doors AND electric windows.Eventually, a menacing-looking black Rolls-Royce drove past our bunch of smiling kids with dirty faces. To me, the car looked regal, but boring. I couldn’t believe that posh people would choose such an old car over a brand new maroon-coloured Sigma like the one my best friend Lucinda’s mum drove. That car had cigarette lighters and ashtrays in all the doors AND electric windows.
As the car passed, I spotted a hint of pastel blue and some blond hair through the rear car window. Maybe a wave? Then it was over. We picked ourselves up off the rough grass that had imprinted on the back of our bare thighs. All I really got from that day was an opportunity to show off my good outfit once again. As the car passed, I spotted a hint of pastel blue and some blond hair through the rear car window. Maybe a wave? Then it was over. We picked ourselves up off the rough grass that had imprinted on the back of our bare thighs. All I really got from that day was an opportunity to show off my good outfit once again.
But it was exciting because we’d grown up with pictures of Prince Charles’s mum hanging in classrooms at primary school. We sang God Save the Queen every Monday morning at assembly. A visit from them was a big deal. The only other VIP who’d visited was the guy who hosted the gardening show on ABC TV called Sow What. Who was also pretty good on the scale of no one ever visiting us before.But it was exciting because we’d grown up with pictures of Prince Charles’s mum hanging in classrooms at primary school. We sang God Save the Queen every Monday morning at assembly. A visit from them was a big deal. The only other VIP who’d visited was the guy who hosted the gardening show on ABC TV called Sow What. Who was also pretty good on the scale of no one ever visiting us before.
This week it was announced that, like William’s Mum and Dad did before them, Kate and Wills are visiting Australia with the bub. And aside from giving everyone a chance to frock up and wear their best outfits, these days I’m not entirely sure why.This week it was announced that, like William’s Mum and Dad did before them, Kate and Wills are visiting Australia with the bub. And aside from giving everyone a chance to frock up and wear their best outfits, these days I’m not entirely sure why.
As far as I can tell the royals’ job hasn’t changed much since my first contact with them back in 1983. That’s a pretty sweet gig. They don’t even need computer skills on their résumé. Yes, they’re still in the very difficult business of car/coach travel along roads, hand waving and shaking, event attending, random teddy bear or flower accepting, ribbon cutting and occasional hospital visits, but I’m pretty sure they’ve got all those angles sewn up by now.As far as I can tell the royals’ job hasn’t changed much since my first contact with them back in 1983. That’s a pretty sweet gig. They don’t even need computer skills on their résumé. Yes, they’re still in the very difficult business of car/coach travel along roads, hand waving and shaking, event attending, random teddy bear or flower accepting, ribbon cutting and occasional hospital visits, but I’m pretty sure they’ve got all those angles sewn up by now.
The Brits occasionally whine about the expense of it all, but most seem pretty happy with the arrangement because occasionally Kate will wear a frock from a chain store, and the Queen will be photographed sitting next to a discounted bar heater from Argos while nibbling on a Hobnob biscuit. It helps to convince the masses that they’re one of us. The Brits occasionally whine about the expense of it all, but most seem pretty happy with the arrangement because occasionally Kate will wear a frock from a chain store, and the Queen will be photographed sitting next to a discounted bar heater from Argos while nibbling on a Hobnob biscuit. It helps to convince the masses that they’re one of us.
But they’re not really, any more. Australian kids no longer sing God Save the Queen at school assembly. The Queen’s pursed-lipped visage does not glare at them from the wall when they’re getting in trouble in the principal’s office. They’re mainly in our lives because they’re on covers of trashy mags that we can’t avoid at the supermarket checkout.But they’re not really, any more. Australian kids no longer sing God Save the Queen at school assembly. The Queen’s pursed-lipped visage does not glare at them from the wall when they’re getting in trouble in the principal’s office. They’re mainly in our lives because they’re on covers of trashy mags that we can’t avoid at the supermarket checkout.
A royal visit was magnificently pointless fun for me as a kid in 1983 when nothing much happened in my town far from anywhere, and it seems even more magnificently pointless now. Perhaps it’s time for Australia to think again about officially moving out of Gran’s house.A royal visit was magnificently pointless fun for me as a kid in 1983 when nothing much happened in my town far from anywhere, and it seems even more magnificently pointless now. Perhaps it’s time for Australia to think again about officially moving out of Gran’s house.
The Queen and her family do represent fine tradition and history, and while most Australians do think fondly of her and her brood, we took her picture down long ago – and there’s little chance we’ll be putting up whoever comes next. The glamorous distraction the royals provided us from our mundane lives doesn’t seem as necessary as it once did. We’ve got the internet for that. And the Jolie Pitts.The Queen and her family do represent fine tradition and history, and while most Australians do think fondly of her and her brood, we took her picture down long ago – and there’s little chance we’ll be putting up whoever comes next. The glamorous distraction the royals provided us from our mundane lives doesn’t seem as necessary as it once did. We’ve got the internet for that. And the Jolie Pitts.