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Game of Thrones' top tyrant: King Joffrey Baratheon | |
(about 5 hours later) | |
Spoiler alert: if you haven't seen Game of Thrones season four, episode two, do not read on. | Spoiler alert: if you haven't seen Game of Thrones season four, episode two, do not read on. |
So it's farewell to King Joffrey Baratheon, poisoned by one of the many guests at his wedding who wanted him dead – and who now lies in his mother's arms, red-eyed and twitching his last. Killer by remote control, wimp in king's clothing, sadistic coward without compunction, we shall never see his like again. Personally speaking, I'll miss this despicable, bastard spawn of an incestuous relationship. | So it's farewell to King Joffrey Baratheon, poisoned by one of the many guests at his wedding who wanted him dead – and who now lies in his mother's arms, red-eyed and twitching his last. Killer by remote control, wimp in king's clothing, sadistic coward without compunction, we shall never see his like again. Personally speaking, I'll miss this despicable, bastard spawn of an incestuous relationship. |
So what was it about Joffrey that we so loved? Like a boiled down Boris Johnson, Joffrey was not only blond but so captivatingly unpredictable you couldn't wait for his next PR gaffe. Making his prospective wife watch the beheading of her father, ordering the tongue to be ripped from the mouth of a minstrel whose lyrics proved too topical, mocking his dwarf uncle's size; never since Ivan the Terrible has there been a brute more ill-fitted for top office. | So what was it about Joffrey that we so loved? Like a boiled down Boris Johnson, Joffrey was not only blond but so captivatingly unpredictable you couldn't wait for his next PR gaffe. Making his prospective wife watch the beheading of her father, ordering the tongue to be ripped from the mouth of a minstrel whose lyrics proved too topical, mocking his dwarf uncle's size; never since Ivan the Terrible has there been a brute more ill-fitted for top office. |
The blond hair was a giveaway, of course. The purported son of the old dark-haired King Robert Baratheon and Queen Cersei was in fact Cersei and brother Jaime's offspring, and how disappointed those light-haired siblings must have been in their only son (though if they were they kept schtum about it). | The blond hair was a giveaway, of course. The purported son of the old dark-haired King Robert Baratheon and Queen Cersei was in fact Cersei and brother Jaime's offspring, and how disappointed those light-haired siblings must have been in their only son (though if they were they kept schtum about it). |
If there ever was an argument for broadening the dynastic gene pool, its major premise involved Joffrey Baratheon. "We've had vicious kings, and we've had idiot kings," noted Tyrion Lannister of the man for whose murder he is currently being held, " but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king". True, Westeros seemed cursed under demented Joffrey's rule, but that realm's curse was our pleasure: George RR Martin's genius was to put an evil inbred jerk in charge and explore the dramatically engaging possibilities. | If there ever was an argument for broadening the dynastic gene pool, its major premise involved Joffrey Baratheon. "We've had vicious kings, and we've had idiot kings," noted Tyrion Lannister of the man for whose murder he is currently being held, " but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king". True, Westeros seemed cursed under demented Joffrey's rule, but that realm's curse was our pleasure: George RR Martin's genius was to put an evil inbred jerk in charge and explore the dramatically engaging possibilities. |
Joffrey was like one of Shakespeare's wanton boys, but with more opportunities for cruelty. They pulled the wings off flies; he preferred human suffering. Remember that scene when he showed his then betrothed Sansa Stark her dad's head on a spike and then promised to give her the head of her brother Robb Stark in due course? "Or maybe he'll give me yours," she retorted. That remark made Joffrey mad but, typically, he didn't stoop to revenge on her himself: he got a lickspittle to smack her twice in the face. He was that kind of guy. | Joffrey was like one of Shakespeare's wanton boys, but with more opportunities for cruelty. They pulled the wings off flies; he preferred human suffering. Remember that scene when he showed his then betrothed Sansa Stark her dad's head on a spike and then promised to give her the head of her brother Robb Stark in due course? "Or maybe he'll give me yours," she retorted. That remark made Joffrey mad but, typically, he didn't stoop to revenge on her himself: he got a lickspittle to smack her twice in the face. He was that kind of guy. |
And then, who could forget the moment Tyrion sent him two prostitutes as a belated name day present with the demented hope that dealing with his sexual frustration might make the sadistic twerp less vicious? On that occasion, Joffrey forced one prostitute to beat the other up while he watched, raising the question: was Joffrey asexual or just turned on more by violence than sex? Probably the latter. | And then, who could forget the moment Tyrion sent him two prostitutes as a belated name day present with the demented hope that dealing with his sexual frustration might make the sadistic twerp less vicious? On that occasion, Joffrey forced one prostitute to beat the other up while he watched, raising the question: was Joffrey asexual or just turned on more by violence than sex? Probably the latter. |
Nothing became Joffrey more than the manner of his quitting the world. Before the poison went to work, he spent his last half hour of airtime in The Lion and the Rose hubristically waving a new sword of Valerian steel before impotently bringing it down to slice through the wedding feast (way to ruin the party, jerk). He then giggled over a tableau of his rise to power acted out by dwarfs, one that told the risible lie that he – rather than his Machiavellian genius of a granddad Lord Tywin Lannister – had won the Battle of the Five Kings to put Joffrey on the Iron Throne. In an extended scene of ritual humiliation, he insisted his uncle Tyrion fulfil demeaning duties as cup bearer to the king. Who wouldn't want to poison Joffrey's chalice after such an afternoon? | Nothing became Joffrey more than the manner of his quitting the world. Before the poison went to work, he spent his last half hour of airtime in The Lion and the Rose hubristically waving a new sword of Valerian steel before impotently bringing it down to slice through the wedding feast (way to ruin the party, jerk). He then giggled over a tableau of his rise to power acted out by dwarfs, one that told the risible lie that he – rather than his Machiavellian genius of a granddad Lord Tywin Lannister – had won the Battle of the Five Kings to put Joffrey on the Iron Throne. In an extended scene of ritual humiliation, he insisted his uncle Tyrion fulfil demeaning duties as cup bearer to the king. Who wouldn't want to poison Joffrey's chalice after such an afternoon? |
It's not only farewell to Joffrey, though - it's farewell to Jack Gleeson. The 21-year-old Irish actor who took on this tyrant for 23 episodes now turns his back not just on the Iron Throne but celebrity in all its gimcrack splendour, telling the media sensibly: "The lifestyle that comes with being an actor in a successful TV show isn't something I gravitate towards." If he is quitting the industry then good for him; we know already that he plans to spend more time helping charities in Haiti, where he recently visited, in an effort to help impoverished communities. (Ironic when Joffrey was so nonplussed at finding out his wife was into that sort of thing.) | It's not only farewell to Joffrey, though - it's farewell to Jack Gleeson. The 21-year-old Irish actor who took on this tyrant for 23 episodes now turns his back not just on the Iron Throne but celebrity in all its gimcrack splendour, telling the media sensibly: "The lifestyle that comes with being an actor in a successful TV show isn't something I gravitate towards." If he is quitting the industry then good for him; we know already that he plans to spend more time helping charities in Haiti, where he recently visited, in an effort to help impoverished communities. (Ironic when Joffrey was so nonplussed at finding out his wife was into that sort of thing.) |
Inevitably, the king's death leaves the big question: who offed Joff? As with such other great imponderables – Who shot JR? Who plugged Monty Burns? Who stabbed Samuel Ratchett 12 times in Murder on the Orient Express? – almost everybody is in the frame. To my mind, the man currently held for the crime, Tyrion Lannister, is too savvy to be caught at the scene with his motive all too apparent. | Inevitably, the king's death leaves the big question: who offed Joff? As with such other great imponderables – Who shot JR? Who plugged Monty Burns? Who stabbed Samuel Ratchett 12 times in Murder on the Orient Express? – almost everybody is in the frame. To my mind, the man currently held for the crime, Tyrion Lannister, is too savvy to be caught at the scene with his motive all too apparent. |
Cui bono? Pretty much everybody. It could have been Oberyn Martell, avenging his sister, nephew and nieces' murders by the Lannisters. Equally, it could have been Charles Dance's Lord Tywin Lannister, who spent the wedding feast glowering, perhaps thinking that his evil chump of a grandson was a liability. Sansa Stark could have done it, in revenge for the murders of her dad, mother and brother and for Joffrey humiliating her husband, our hero Tyrion. Or Joffrey's new bride Margaery of House Tyrell who, quite understandably, might have baulked at a wedding night with such a sadistic, cruel monster. Even Cersei Lannister, Joffrey's mum, is in the frame, but my money's on Diana Rigg's Lady Olenna Tyrell, who spent a lot of the wedding party shuffling shiftily in front of the wedding guest's table, possibly with a phial of poison up her sleeve. Think about it: Margaery gets the benefits of marriage without the downsides. There's a stone-cold killer under that wimple, trust me. | Cui bono? Pretty much everybody. It could have been Oberyn Martell, avenging his sister, nephew and nieces' murders by the Lannisters. Equally, it could have been Charles Dance's Lord Tywin Lannister, who spent the wedding feast glowering, perhaps thinking that his evil chump of a grandson was a liability. Sansa Stark could have done it, in revenge for the murders of her dad, mother and brother and for Joffrey humiliating her husband, our hero Tyrion. Or Joffrey's new bride Margaery of House Tyrell who, quite understandably, might have baulked at a wedding night with such a sadistic, cruel monster. Even Cersei Lannister, Joffrey's mum, is in the frame, but my money's on Diana Rigg's Lady Olenna Tyrell, who spent a lot of the wedding party shuffling shiftily in front of the wedding guest's table, possibly with a phial of poison up her sleeve. Think about it: Margaery gets the benefits of marriage without the downsides. There's a stone-cold killer under that wimple, trust me. |
But no matter. Joffrey left a lot of enemies. As grieving Game of Thrones tweeters say these days: Our thoughts are with his family at this difficult time. Even though some of this family are, secretly, pleased. With Joffrey out of the way, Stannis Baratheron will be pressing his claims to the crown anew and so will the other pretenders. Let the game of thrones recommence. | But no matter. Joffrey left a lot of enemies. As grieving Game of Thrones tweeters say these days: Our thoughts are with his family at this difficult time. Even though some of this family are, secretly, pleased. With Joffrey out of the way, Stannis Baratheron will be pressing his claims to the crown anew and so will the other pretenders. Let the game of thrones recommence. |
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