A whiff of mutiny, an inkling of infighting, a soupçon of self-destruction

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/apr/17/world-cup-fiver-holland-trouble

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ORANJE JUICE

It has been a busy old week for the Dutch. And we're not just talking about the 500 metres of glow-in-the-dark road currently being tested on the N329 near Oss. Or the Memorandum of Understanding signed between the Netherlands and Mexico pledging to work together on flood risk management. Or even the wolf that has been spotted close to the Dutch border in nearby Nordhorn. Nope it's been a busy week for the Dutch national side, one packed with injury, intrigue, highs, lows and, as ever with the Holland national side, a whiff of mutiny, an inkling of infighting and a soupçon of self-destruction.

First there was Johan Cruyff pouring cold water on the prospect of Oranje glory in Brazil in an interview with Dutch newspaper Algemeen Dagblad. "We have quality but most of the players are too young. And then the draw …" he buzz-killed. "If we get through the first round then that is an achievement. That is the reality of where our football is today."

There was the first-choice left-back Jetro Willems going and getting himself ruled out of the tournament with ligament-ouch suffered in PSV's Eredivisie match against Feyenoord last weekend. "His season is prematurely ended and his focus will now be on getting ready for the next season," said PSV in a somehow passive-aggressive statement.

The Dutch FA, the KNVB, was cheering the announcement that tickets for their three group games had sold out. Which is good news for anyone who likes this kind of thing (which is, let's face it, pretty much everyone. Although it might make for a few uncomfortable flashbacks for Robbie Earle).

But the chief point of interest was the future of 2010 superstar and 2014 Galatasaray forgotten man Wesley Sneijder. Louis van Gaal, whose own recent preparation for the World Cup has apparently mainly concerned whatever he is doing after it, kicked things off by having a dig at the former national team captain in an interview with the NRC newspaper, intimating that Sneijder's standard contribution amounts to one half-decent pass per match. "What if that one steekpass does not happen?" he said. "Would we just say: too bad for the Dutch team? In that case, our chances of being eliminated in the first round are quite big. You should be able to deliver at club level every week. If you can't deliver at your club, then you most definitely can't deliver at the national team. He will play in Turkey until the middle of May, so I will wait and see. There is no need to decide [the squad] before then."

And, as is the way of these things, Arjen Robben has also had his say. "He is a player with that extra class and you need that at the World Cup. I'm a fan of Wesley," he twopenneth-worthed. "I know Wesley like no other. At the moment he has his level and when fit he is of exceptional quality. But in the end there is only one who decides [O Fiverão likes to imagine a pregnant pause at this point …] and that's the coach."

Watch this space.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"All these brouhaha and controversies about the World Cup budget were concocted by wicked [journalists] who should have known better and who know the real truth but won't say it as it is. It can only take a lunatic to say such things, because if only you are not sick in the head and not a mad man, you wouldn't talk about inflated figures in the budget. How can a person who is mentally sound, how can a person who is not a lunatic publish and claim that the Ghana Football Association has inflated figures that we are sending to the minister and the chief of staff?" – head of the Ghana FA Kwesi Nyantakyi hits back at claims that the country has set aside a $20m (£11.9m) budget for the tournament.

BITS AND BOBS

Italy coach Cesare Prandelli has warned that players will not be considered for the World Cup if they are sent off or caught misbehaving in club matches before the end of the season. "I'm sick and tired of seeing certain types of behaviour," he sighed.

Marc Wilmots has signed a new four-year contract as Belgium coach, taking him up to the 2018 World Cup in Russia. "I am delighted with the guarantee of continuity, quality, passion and leadership," fate-tempted Belgium FA chief Steven Martens.

Mexico sporting director Ricardo Peláez is the latest to be asked whether his players will be allowed to have $ex during the tournament. They will "as long as it's not with each other," he replied as those in attendance strained to hear over the noise of his knuckles dragging along the floor.

"If there is unanimity, I'm dead. Unanimous agreement about the 23 chosen? Jesus Christ would not be able to do this." Big Phil Scolari isn't expecting his 23-man Brazil squad to please everyone.

Colombia striker Radamel Falcao says he has not given up on the World Cup despite his ACL-knack. "There are lots of days from now until the final decision," he cheered.

And Carlos Queiroz's plans for a three-week training camp in South Africa with his Iran side have been scuppered somewhat. The former Manchester United assistant manager named a 28-man squad on Saturday, but according to the Tasnim news agency, only 11 players will be attending due to Asian Big Cup commitments.

O FIVERÃO LETTERS

"Regarding the World Cup Album arriving in high-street bargain bins [last week's O Fiverão Bits and Bobs]: way to keep up with the times Uncle Fiver. My local town hasn't had a 'Record Shop' (you'll have to wikioogle it youngsters) for nearly 20 years, Woolworths went the way of James Dean, and my 17-year-old nephew has never bought music in a physical format" – Uncle Dan Johnson.

"While not trying to engage in the normal pedantry, can I note that Tab Ramos's much-lauded loyalty [last week's O Fiverão letters] is more a factor of MLS who hold his contract than Tab. MLS could have traded him if required (or wanted) without his agreement" – Steven Michaels.

"Tab Ramos 'a great, loyal, player with far more class than many that have pulled on the yellow jersey' [last week's letters]? The very same classy individual who spit on John Harkes in an MLS match" – Matt Carr.

• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com, with 'O Fiverão' in the subject line. Or just 'World Cup Fiver' if that's easier. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. The winner of our prizeless letter o' the week is: Uncle Dan Johnson.

STILL WANT MORE

Rob Smyth on Dennis Bergkamp. Read it.

Brazilian legend and O Fiverão Quote of the Week mainstay Pelé was the guest of honour at the first game of the New York Cosmos' season.

And the World Cup's world tour reached Washington DC on Monday. Here's John Kerry and vice-president Joe Biden giving the inanimate, non-sentient object a round of applause.

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YES, WE'VE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE GIFS