Letter from Spain: warm farewell

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/apr/29/letter-from-spain-death-burial-funeral-tradition

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The message comes on a Sunday evening: "My father has just passed away. Madrid Funeral Home from 10am tomorrow and burial in the Almudena cemetery at 5pm". Death is dealt with quickly in Spain and if you want to pay your respects you have to move fast. Funerals and burials usually take place within 48 hours of the death. This tradition may have something to do with the heat in many parts of the country, which in the past made a rapid burial advisable.

To an observer from the cold Protestant north, the way things are done here may seem too informal, too impersonal or even a bit disrespectful, but in practice this is not the case. One of the great strengths of the Spanish is their open expression of emotion.

When you arrive at the funeral home you search for the name of the grieving family on an LED display screen to see which chapel you need to visit. The chapel is where you pay your respects to the immediate family and view the body or coffin. But for those who are not close family members, most of the visit takes place in the cafeteria.

This is where everyone meets to while away the time before moving on to the burial. It is a time of exchanging family news and gossip, re-establishing contacts and exchanging family stories. Of sharing not only memories, but also a beer, a coffee or snack, too. This process of shared mourning, mixing sadness with happy memories, takes up most of the day before people head off in some disorder to the cemetery. Dress code is informal.

You can drive right into the Almudena cemetery and park amongst the gravestones next to the neo-gothic church, where a fairly perfunctory religious service takes place. It only really becomes personal when the deceased's grandchildren read out a touching tribute to their grandfather.

As the beautiful evening light dissipates, family and friends linger, chat, smoke and embrace before slowly leaving. It is a warm farewell to a much loved head of the family.

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