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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/jun/18/how-to-get-the-perfect-beach-body-with-science
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| Version 0 | Version 1 |
|---|---|
| How to get the perfect beach body (with science) | How to get the perfect beach body (with science) |
| (34 minutes later) | |
| Now that summer is upon us here in the northern hemisphere, | Now that summer is upon us here in the northern hemisphere, |
| it’s getting more common to see articles, diets, exercise regimes and the like | it’s getting more common to see articles, diets, exercise regimes and the like |
| that tell you how to achieve the | that tell you how to achieve the |
| perfect beach body, or some variation | perfect beach body, or some variation |
| thereof. For many | thereof. For many |
| people (but particularly | people (but particularly |
| women) there is increasing pressure to achieve a body type that is | women) there is increasing pressure to achieve a body type that is |
| acceptable for displaying on the beach. Why bodily display is considered important | acceptable for displaying on the beach. Why bodily display is considered important |
| is | is |
| a whole other discussion, but countless people clearly believe that it is. | a whole other discussion, but countless people clearly believe that it is. |
| Even when you’re actually on the beach, there is still no | Even when you’re actually on the beach, there is still no |
| excuse for not maintaining your body’s top condition. On my last holiday, I | |
| witnessed a beach exercise class for women taking place. It was a yoga class | |
| specifically. I remember this vividly because the instructor was the formidable | specifically. I remember this vividly because the instructor was the formidable |
| sort who ended the session by screaming “relax from your yoga!” in a terrifying | sort who ended the session by screaming “relax from your yoga!” in a terrifying |
| Russian accent, which seemed to misunderstand the whole point of both yoga. And | Russian accent, which seemed to misunderstand the whole point of both yoga. And |
| relaxing, as far as I know. | relaxing, as far as I know. |
| But if people are so keen to obtain a “perfect beach body”, | But if people are so keen to obtain a “perfect beach body”, |
| then it is important to establish what qualities a perfect beach body would | then it is important to establish what qualities a perfect beach body would |
| have. There are many things that are mentioned in such contexts, like the bikini | have. There are many things that are mentioned in such contexts, like the bikini |
| bridge or thigh | bridge or thigh |
| gap or sternum ski-lift or some other guff. But these things are pure | gap or sternum ski-lift or some other guff. But these things are pure |
| social constructs (especially the last one, which I made up). So what science | |
| say you need to achieve the perfect beach body? Well, there are several | say you need to achieve the perfect beach body? Well, there are several |
| requirements. | requirements. |
| Measurements | Measurements |
| Obviously this will vary from person to person, what with | Obviously this will vary from person to person, what with |
| humans having such a drastic variety in dimensions, but the perfect beach body presented | |
| in the typical upright posture starts at the scalp (hair has too much individual variation | in the typical upright posture starts at the scalp (hair has too much individual variation |
| and has no nervous | and has no nervous |
| innervation anyway so is not considered here) and ends at the sole of the | |
| feet. Or, if you’re going from the ground up, the other way around. | feet. Or, if you’re going from the ground up, the other way around. |
| The waistline also varies between individuals, but for a | The waistline also varies between individuals, but for a |
| perfect beach body it must form a complete perimeter around the | perfect beach body it must form a complete perimeter around the |
| mid-point of the body. Regardless of size, this is essential. But don’t panic, | mid-point of the body. Regardless of size, this is essential. But don’t panic, |
| as it should be logically impossible for the waistline to not go all the way | as it should be logically impossible for the waistline to not go all the way |
| around the body, assuming it’s in one piece. | around the body, assuming it’s in one piece. |
| Foot size is also an important measurement. The perfect | Foot size is also an important measurement. The perfect |
| beach body would have feet long and wide enough to allow effective locomotion | beach body would have feet long and wide enough to allow effective locomotion |
| on sand. Walking | on sand. Walking |
| on sand requires 2 to 3 times as much energy as walking on hard surfaces | |
| owing to different physical properties of the substances, so the perfect beach | owing to different physical properties of the substances, so the perfect beach |
| body would have feet capable of sustaining this activity. | body would have feet capable of sustaining this activity. |
| Anatomy | Anatomy |
| The perfect beach body requires the full | The perfect beach body requires the full |
| complement of essential organs in order to sustain functioning. As well as | complement of essential organs in order to sustain functioning. As well as |
| these, the perfect body should have a functioning | these, the perfect body should have a functioning |
| musculoskeletal system, along with a working nervous | musculoskeletal system, along with a working nervous |
| system, to allow autonomous movement, which will help in getting to and | system, to allow autonomous movement, which will help in getting to and |
| from the beach, especially as beaches can often be in remote, | from the beach, especially as beaches can often be in remote, |
| hard to access coastal areas. But even if the beach is in an | hard to access coastal areas. But even if the beach is in an |
| easily-accessed location with abundant transport links, you usually still need | |
| a functioning musculoskeletal system to use these. | a functioning musculoskeletal system to use these. |
| Given that beach-based activity can be physically strenuous | Given that beach-based activity can be physically strenuous |
| (as discussed above) then a working digestive system is necessary to convert | (as discussed above) then a working digestive system is necessary to convert |
| food and drink sources into energy. Given that people typically visit the beach | |
| in hot, sunny conditions, it’s important to be aware of the physical | in hot, sunny conditions, it’s important to be aware of the physical |
| consequences of these, and the perfect beach body would be able to cope | consequences of these, and the perfect beach body would be able to cope |
| with the stresses of such an environment. | with the stresses of such an environment. |
| Given that beaches are by the sea, it could be argued that | |
| the “perfect” beach body would be better equipped to handle aquatic conditions. | the “perfect” beach body would be better equipped to handle aquatic conditions. |
| Perhaps the ideal beach body would have gills for survival in the water, like Kevin Costner in Waterworld. | Perhaps the ideal beach body would have gills for survival in the water, like Kevin Costner in Waterworld. |
| However, humans place a great deal of importance on physical attractiveness | However, humans place a great deal of importance on physical attractiveness |
| when at the beach, and someone who has gills, a totally unfamiliar physical | when at the beach, and someone who has gills, a totally unfamiliar physical |
| feature for humans, would likely cause upset and be socially rejected by people | feature for humans, would likely cause upset and be socially rejected by people |
| who observe them, like Kevin | who observe them, like Kevin |
| Costner in Waterworld. | Costner in Waterworld. |
| So while it might be advantageous in the physical sense for | So while it might be advantageous in the physical sense for |
| a perfect beach body to have aquatic adaptations, the idea of some sort of “marine | a perfect beach body to have aquatic adaptations, the idea of some sort of “marine |
| primate” is clearly | primate” is clearly |
| ludicrous. | ludicrous. |
| Skincare | Skincare |
| Given that conditions at the beach typically involve exposure | Given that conditions at the beach typically involve exposure |
| of the skin to direct sunlight, it is extra important to ensure that your skin | of the skin to direct sunlight, it is extra important to ensure that your skin |
| is capable of handling this. The perfect beach body has skin that goes all | is capable of handling this. The perfect beach body has skin that goes all |
| around and covers are last part of it, in order to keep all the vulnerable and | |
| important bits on the inside. Some people may have parts of their body that aren’t | important bits on the inside. Some people may have parts of their body that aren’t |
| covered by skin, but this is usually a temporary situation, ending with repair or, if ignored for | covered by skin, but this is usually a temporary situation, ending with repair or, if ignored for |
| too long, death. The | too long, death. The |
| skin should also include mechanisms to address or cope with direct | skin should also include mechanisms to address or cope with direct |
| exposure to UV rays. | exposure to UV rays. |
| It is important to note that even the most perfect beach | It is important to note that even the most perfect beach |
| body can require extra assistance with avoiding sun damage, via things like sun | |
| block. However, no body known to science has ever been capable of deriving | |
| protection from ridiculous | |
| magic water. | magic water. |
| The perfect beach body’s skin should also have sufficient sweat | The perfect beach body’s skin should also have sufficient sweat |
| glands to help regulate temperature, and also have pores small enough to | glands to help regulate temperature, and also have pores small enough to |
| make sure that sand grains stay on the outside. | make sure that sand grains stay on the outside. |
| So, should your body have all the qualities listed above, | So, should your body have all the qualities listed above, |
| congratulations! You’ve got the perfect beach body. Anything else is just | congratulations! You’ve got the perfect beach body. Anything else is just |
| personal preference. And if you, through no fault of your own, don’t have a | personal preference. And if you, through no fault of your own, don’t have a |
| body that conforms to the above description, then again don’t worry. As you | body that conforms to the above description, then again don’t worry. As you |
| should have spotted by now, the very concept of a “perfect beach body” is a | should have spotted by now, the very concept of a “perfect beach body” is a |
| meaningless one. | meaningless one. |
| Dean Burnett will | Dean Burnett will |
| follow this up in November with a scientific guide to how to get the perfect | follow this up in November with a scientific guide to how to get the perfect |
| winter body (it’s exactly the same as the one described here, but with a coat | winter body (it’s exactly the same as the one described here, but with a coat |
| on). You can avoid his less-than-ideal body altogether by following him on | on). You can avoid his less-than-ideal body altogether by following him on |
| Twitter, @garwboy | Twitter, @garwboy |