There's no harm in a young child having a night away from its mother
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Version 0 of 1. I have no more wonderful memory than cuddling my daughter and son to sleep. Bath time, stories, then snuggling down. When they woke in the night it was tiring but magical to calm their distress. I miss that these babies-turned-teenagers now put themselves to bed and sleep through till morning. But the unspoken bonds forged overnight years ago carry us through the turbulence of their adolescence. So I am shocked to hear parenting guru Penelope Leach claim that after parents split, no child under four can spend even one night away from their mother without the risk of lasting damage to the child. Her latest book, Family Breakdown, cites "undisputed evidence" that overnight separation from mum can adversely affect a child's brain development. These trenchant certainties threaten to have an enormous impact on parents and judges who are often confused about what is best after couples split. For example, when a group of family court judges was recently asked whether a child could safely spend a night away from mum there were diverse opinions. One ventured that perhaps any overnight stay "would be a bad thing"; another said "it depends"; while a third laughed out loud: "My grandchildren regularly stay overnight with me and have done since they were babies!" Leach's influence is even more worrying because science shows her "undisputed evidence" to be wrong. She relies on a single study from Australia (McIntosh et al, 2010). Responding to this study, the American Psychological Association (APA) has published a paper, Social Science and Parenting Plans for Young Children: A Consensus Report, endorsed by 110 of the world's leading child mental health experts from 15 countries, repudiating its conclusions. The lead author of the Australian study has subsequently dropped the conclusions that Leach relies upon, stating: "Cautions against overnight care during the first three years are not supported." Sadly for so many children and their parents, Leach does not include this addendum in her book. We cannot afford for such important questions about child welfare to become an ideological battleground. Parents – and the judiciary – need clear guidance grounded in sound evidence. That's why the APA review is so valuable, since it provides an overview of 45 years of settled and accepted research. "We found no support for the idea that children under four (some say under six) need to spend nearly all their time living with only one parent, when their other parent is also loving and attentive," the lead author Professor Richard Warshak said. "Warnings against infants and toddlers spending overnight time with each parent are inconsistent with what we know about the development of strong, positive parent-child relationships. Babies and toddlers need parents who respond consistently, affectionately and sensitively to their needs. They do not need, and most do not have, one parent's full-time, round-the-clock presence." The evidence continues to mount. A recent study reported long-term benefits to teenagers and young adults who, as pre-schoolers, stayed overnight with their fathers after their parents separated. These children feel more important to their dads than children who were deprived of overnights. They report better relationships with their fathers at no cost to the quality of their relationships with their mothers. And these children showed no signs of any long-term stress-related health problems. To me, as a dad, this makes sense. I know that my children needed me close by them at night when they were little, and I loved to share that time. My friends who are dads feel the same way, and have intimate and vital relationships with their children in that hidden, private life that is modern fatherhood. We are stunned by inaccuracies peddled as respectable wisdom by such influential figures as Leach. I am sure many mothers are appalled as well. Mums, too, can stand up for the fatherhood upon which their children rely, and show how these spurious claims fail to reflect the lived experience of families. |