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It's Glastonbury, so get over the rain and headliner hullabaloo It's Glastonbury, so get over the rain and headliner hullabaloo
(about 7 hours later)
It is a peculiar state of affairs when a 67% chance of rain in three days' time makes headline news. But that's exactly what happened this week. By Tuesday, it appeared that every newspaper in Britain – from the Daily Telegraph to the Guardian to the Stoke Sentinel and the Torquay Herald Express – had found space to inform their readers that rain is predicted to greet people arriving at Glastonbury on Thursday; an unmissable opportunity to dip into their fathomless selection of shots of people gurning at the camera while covered in filth.It is a peculiar state of affairs when a 67% chance of rain in three days' time makes headline news. But that's exactly what happened this week. By Tuesday, it appeared that every newspaper in Britain – from the Daily Telegraph to the Guardian to the Stoke Sentinel and the Torquay Herald Express – had found space to inform their readers that rain is predicted to greet people arriving at Glastonbury on Thursday; an unmissable opportunity to dip into their fathomless selection of shots of people gurning at the camera while covered in filth.
It is perhaps worth noting that the reason newspapers have a fathomless selection of these photos is because out of the 32 Glastonbury festivals that have been held since 1970, only eight have been entirely without rain. It rained last year. It rained in 2011. It rained in 2009, 2007, 2005, 2004 and 2003.It is perhaps worth noting that the reason newspapers have a fathomless selection of these photos is because out of the 32 Glastonbury festivals that have been held since 1970, only eight have been entirely without rain. It rained last year. It rained in 2011. It rained in 2009, 2007, 2005, 2004 and 2003.
It rained so much in 1998 that the organisers attempted to pump out waterlogged areas with a machine used to empty the onsite latrines, pressed the wrong button and succeeded instead in spraying the Dance Tent with human effluent, an experience that seemed to stun even the gung-ho Glastonbury-goer, ever-willing to loudly proclaim that the weather makes no difference to anyone's enjoyment: tell that to the hapless raver who's just been sprayed with excreta.It rained so much in 1998 that the organisers attempted to pump out waterlogged areas with a machine used to empty the onsite latrines, pressed the wrong button and succeeded instead in spraying the Dance Tent with human effluent, an experience that seemed to stun even the gung-ho Glastonbury-goer, ever-willing to loudly proclaim that the weather makes no difference to anyone's enjoyment: tell that to the hapless raver who's just been sprayed with excreta.
You might well suggest the news that it's going to rain at Glastonbury for the 24th time isn't really news, and you'd have a point. But Glastonbury is justly famed for inspiring attendees to temporarily take leave of their senses: to roll around in mud with no real prospect of a shower for days; to wear clothes, eat things or watch artists they'd never normally countenance in everyday life, and – in the case of the gentleman whose image still haunts this writer a full 12 years after it was glimpsed – to express their pleasure at Rod Stewart's decision to perform Sailing by repeatedly exposing their genitals in time to the music.You might well suggest the news that it's going to rain at Glastonbury for the 24th time isn't really news, and you'd have a point. But Glastonbury is justly famed for inspiring attendees to temporarily take leave of their senses: to roll around in mud with no real prospect of a shower for days; to wear clothes, eat things or watch artists they'd never normally countenance in everyday life, and – in the case of the gentleman whose image still haunts this writer a full 12 years after it was glimpsed – to express their pleasure at Rod Stewart's decision to perform Sailing by repeatedly exposing their genitals in time to the music.
And some of that madness appears to infect the third estate: the minute the festival is announced, the media, metaphorically speaking, rushes out and buys a regrettable jester's hat and stands in front of the Pyramid stage waving a vast banner that says I LOVE SAUSAGES. And some of that madness appears to infect the fourth estate: the minute the festival is announced, the media, metaphorically speaking, rushes out and buys a regrettable jester's hat and stands in front of the Pyramid stage waving a vast banner that says I LOVE SAUSAGES.
Prominent among the evidence of this hysteria is the traditional Controversy Over The Headliners: either they're too predictable, too unpredictable, too old, too new, too male or else they've booked a hip hop artist without checking what Noel Gallagher thinks about it first. This year, the controversy has surrounded Metallica, who, as everyone now seems to know, were originally booked to play on the Other Stage but stepped into the breach when negotiations with Prince broke down. You can understand people's disappointment that Prince isn't playing – his recent live shows have been rapturously received– but the argument against Metallica seems to rest on the improbable belief that a band that has sold 120m albums has only niche appeal.Prominent among the evidence of this hysteria is the traditional Controversy Over The Headliners: either they're too predictable, too unpredictable, too old, too new, too male or else they've booked a hip hop artist without checking what Noel Gallagher thinks about it first. This year, the controversy has surrounded Metallica, who, as everyone now seems to know, were originally booked to play on the Other Stage but stepped into the breach when negotiations with Prince broke down. You can understand people's disappointment that Prince isn't playing – his recent live shows have been rapturously received– but the argument against Metallica seems to rest on the improbable belief that a band that has sold 120m albums has only niche appeal.
You'd think the sales figures strongly suggested Metallica's fanbase may extend some way beyond diehard metalheads, but that hasn't stopped people carrying on as if Glastonbury had announced the headlining slot was to be filled by experimental grindcore band Cephalic Carnage. You could certainly argue that Metallica are a band beyond Glastonbury's usual remit – wide-ranging though it is, it has never been an event overburdened with metal acts, however popular they are – but there's something quite compelling about the festival's organisers taking a step into the relatively unknown. There was an almost palpable sense of curiosity and intrigue in the air before Jay-Z took the stage in 2008, an atmosphere noticeably absent when a blue-chip heritage rock acts or established Glastonbury favourites, such as Radiohead or Coldplay, headline.You'd think the sales figures strongly suggested Metallica's fanbase may extend some way beyond diehard metalheads, but that hasn't stopped people carrying on as if Glastonbury had announced the headlining slot was to be filled by experimental grindcore band Cephalic Carnage. You could certainly argue that Metallica are a band beyond Glastonbury's usual remit – wide-ranging though it is, it has never been an event overburdened with metal acts, however popular they are – but there's something quite compelling about the festival's organisers taking a step into the relatively unknown. There was an almost palpable sense of curiosity and intrigue in the air before Jay-Z took the stage in 2008, an atmosphere noticeably absent when a blue-chip heritage rock acts or established Glastonbury favourites, such as Radiohead or Coldplay, headline.
Besides, in the run-up to the festival far too much emphasis is placed on what's happening on the Pyramid stage. It's a very peculiar Glastonbury-goer who spends their entire weekend in front of it, dutifully watching every artist that performs there. There's more than 364 hectares (900 acres) of festival out there, and you'd have to be spectacularly unadventurous not to explore it. For all the discussion about whether or not Glastonbury can accommodate a metal act, you could happily pass the weekend without seeing a single guitar band of any description.Besides, in the run-up to the festival far too much emphasis is placed on what's happening on the Pyramid stage. It's a very peculiar Glastonbury-goer who spends their entire weekend in front of it, dutifully watching every artist that performs there. There's more than 364 hectares (900 acres) of festival out there, and you'd have to be spectacularly unadventurous not to explore it. For all the discussion about whether or not Glastonbury can accommodate a metal act, you could happily pass the weekend without seeing a single guitar band of any description.
There's a plethora of intriguing electronic artists – from the revered BBC Radiophonic Workshop to YBA-turned-musician Dinos Chapman – and an entire stage devoted to reggae and its multifarious sub-genres. The DJ lineup this year is particularly strong: it ranges from house pioneer Todd Terry to post-dubstep auteur Maya Jane Coles, complete with a whole tent devoted to James Murphy and Soulwax's wildly acclaimed Despacio Soundsystem.There's a plethora of intriguing electronic artists – from the revered BBC Radiophonic Workshop to YBA-turned-musician Dinos Chapman – and an entire stage devoted to reggae and its multifarious sub-genres. The DJ lineup this year is particularly strong: it ranges from house pioneer Todd Terry to post-dubstep auteur Maya Jane Coles, complete with a whole tent devoted to James Murphy and Soulwax's wildly acclaimed Despacio Soundsystem.
All this barely scratches the surface of what's on offer, which – rather than the mud or the headliners – is rather the point of Glastonbury. We live in an era of relatively intimate boutique festivals, each dutifully catering to the tastes of a very specific audience. But the beauty of Glastonbury remains its sheer scale: it means it can be all things to all people.All this barely scratches the surface of what's on offer, which – rather than the mud or the headliners – is rather the point of Glastonbury. We live in an era of relatively intimate boutique festivals, each dutifully catering to the tastes of a very specific audience. But the beauty of Glastonbury remains its sheer scale: it means it can be all things to all people.
• This article was amended on 27 June to correct a reference from the third estate to the fourth estate.