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Why I'd like to be Steve Carell groomed by Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love Why I'd like to be Steve Carell groomed by Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love
(about 2 months later)
I've long been distrustful of the notion of "role models". Much as I love music, football and film, I've never wanted to be a particular musician, footballer or actor. Nor have I ever watched a film and wished I could be a particular character. I've had moments of wishing for particular characteristics: certainly, there were times in my adolescence when I longed for the stylish, dark hair of the young crop of British actors – Grant, Graves, Firth and so on – rather than my own unkempt ginger mop. I've had moments, too, of falling in love with female characters, though it's always safe to do that from a cinema seat, when you don't actually have to deal with the neuroses that make those people interesting on screen.I've long been distrustful of the notion of "role models". Much as I love music, football and film, I've never wanted to be a particular musician, footballer or actor. Nor have I ever watched a film and wished I could be a particular character. I've had moments of wishing for particular characteristics: certainly, there were times in my adolescence when I longed for the stylish, dark hair of the young crop of British actors – Grant, Graves, Firth and so on – rather than my own unkempt ginger mop. I've had moments, too, of falling in love with female characters, though it's always safe to do that from a cinema seat, when you don't actually have to deal with the neuroses that make those people interesting on screen.
But wanting to be someone from a film? No. Never. Not even John Cusack at his cracking-wise-yet-being-vulnerable best, and – as those who sit near me at work will attest – I believe John Cusack at his cracking-wise-yet-being-vulnerable best to be the ultimate expression of manhood.But wanting to be someone from a film? No. Never. Not even John Cusack at his cracking-wise-yet-being-vulnerable best, and – as those who sit near me at work will attest – I believe John Cusack at his cracking-wise-yet-being-vulnerable best to be the ultimate expression of manhood.
And then, during a desperately long, sleepless overnight flight home from Nashville, I found myself slumped in front of a romcom that led me to change my lifestyle. Or, specifically, in front of one scene that led me to change my lifestyle.And then, during a desperately long, sleepless overnight flight home from Nashville, I found myself slumped in front of a romcom that led me to change my lifestyle. Or, specifically, in front of one scene that led me to change my lifestyle.
In Crazy Stupid Love, Steve Carell is the sweet bloke who's been dumped by his wife, Julianne Moore. He takes to hanging out in a local bar, drowning his sorrows, where lothario Ryan Gosling takes pity on him, tells him he needs to be remade – and duly takes him to the mall to do so. There's more to the film than that, but that's the only bit that counts. In Crazy Stupid Love, Steve Carell is the sweet bloke who's been dumped by his wife, Julianne Moore. He takes to hanging out in a local bar, drowning his sorrows, where lothario Ryan Gosling takes pity on him, tells him he needs to be remade – and duly takes him to the mall to do so. There's more to the film than that, but that's the only bit that counts.
Now, if I've long been distrustful of the notion of "role models", I've been even more suspicious of the notion of remaking oneself. You are what you are, I have always thought. Which allowed me to be a fortysomething man wearing trainers, T-shirts and jeans bought from the Gap. Did I look crap? Very possibly. Did I care? No. Well, I thought I didn't.Now, if I've long been distrustful of the notion of "role models", I've been even more suspicious of the notion of remaking oneself. You are what you are, I have always thought. Which allowed me to be a fortysomething man wearing trainers, T-shirts and jeans bought from the Gap. Did I look crap? Very possibly. Did I care? No. Well, I thought I didn't.
And then Ryan Gosling changed my mind.And then Ryan Gosling changed my mind.
It's not that I held out any expectation of transforming myself into Ryan Gosling (there's a marvellous scene later in the movie in which Emma Stone takes one look at his six-pack and exclaims: "Fuck! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped!"). And that's despite Gosling coming second only to Cusack in my list of men-I-am-happy-to-watch-in-pretty-much-anything-even-when-they-play-wankers. But getting somewhere close to Carell didn't seem wholly unattainable.It's not that I held out any expectation of transforming myself into Ryan Gosling (there's a marvellous scene later in the movie in which Emma Stone takes one look at his six-pack and exclaims: "Fuck! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped!"). And that's despite Gosling coming second only to Cusack in my list of men-I-am-happy-to-watch-in-pretty-much-anything-even-when-they-play-wankers. But getting somewhere close to Carell didn't seem wholly unattainable.
But the thought slipped out of my mind when I got home, until a couple of months later, when the film was on TV and I suggested to my wife we watch it together. Watching a film about a marital breakup with her, I became uncomfortably conscious of the fact that someone so beautiful, funny and clever might well think she could do better than a middle-aged schlub in a grubby T-shirt and ill-fitting jeans. Gosling's homilies to Carell hit home, hard.But the thought slipped out of my mind when I got home, until a couple of months later, when the film was on TV and I suggested to my wife we watch it together. Watching a film about a marital breakup with her, I became uncomfortably conscious of the fact that someone so beautiful, funny and clever might well think she could do better than a middle-aged schlub in a grubby T-shirt and ill-fitting jeans. Gosling's homilies to Carell hit home, hard.
Gosling: "Are you Steve Jobs? Hold on a second, are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?Gosling: "Are you Steve Jobs? Hold on a second, are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?
Carell: "No."Carell: "No."
Gosling: "Oh, OK. Well in that case you got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever."Gosling: "Oh, OK. Well in that case you got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever."
And so I resolved never to wear trainers, except for weekend slobbery, ever again. And so I haven't.And so I resolved never to wear trainers, except for weekend slobbery, ever again. And so I haven't.
Carell: "Can't we just go to the Gap?"Carell: "Can't we just go to the Gap?"
Gosling: "Cal, be better than the Gap. Be better than the Gap. Say it."Gosling: "Cal, be better than the Gap. Be better than the Gap. Say it."
And so I resolved never again to buy jeans from the Gap. And so I haven't.And so I resolved never again to buy jeans from the Gap. And so I haven't.
The next day, in my lunch hour, I took the tube down to Oxford Street and spent the best part of £500. A rather nice moleskin suit became mine, some trousers that weren't jeans, a couple of shirts. I followed Gosling's advice to make the suit jacket a size smaller than I actually felt comfortable with, and when I showed my wife she was amazed. "That looks so good! You look so much slimmer in it."The next day, in my lunch hour, I took the tube down to Oxford Street and spent the best part of £500. A rather nice moleskin suit became mine, some trousers that weren't jeans, a couple of shirts. I followed Gosling's advice to make the suit jacket a size smaller than I actually felt comfortable with, and when I showed my wife she was amazed. "That looks so good! You look so much slimmer in it."
For months, I stopped wearing jeans to work. I only wore proper trousers. Given that I work in the field of pop music, this did make me look a little middle-aged. But I am middle-aged. So what if I'm no longer trying to dress like a kid? I haven't once worn a T-shirt in the office since that evening, nor trainers. I possess fitted shirts, rather just baggy old bags. And though I've slipped back on the trouser front, and do wear jeans most of the time, none of them are from the Gap anymore.For months, I stopped wearing jeans to work. I only wore proper trousers. Given that I work in the field of pop music, this did make me look a little middle-aged. But I am middle-aged. So what if I'm no longer trying to dress like a kid? I haven't once worn a T-shirt in the office since that evening, nor trainers. I possess fitted shirts, rather just baggy old bags. And though I've slipped back on the trouser front, and do wear jeans most of the time, none of them are from the Gap anymore.
None of which is to say you would ever mistake me for a fashion guru. But these days, I hope, you would not say: God, that man's a slob. Because you know what? I'm better than the Gap. And Ryan Gosling taught me that.None of which is to say you would ever mistake me for a fashion guru. But these days, I hope, you would not say: God, that man's a slob. Because you know what? I'm better than the Gap. And Ryan Gosling taught me that.
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