Victoria Pendleton: My family values

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jul/04/victoria-pendleton-my-family-values

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My dad, Max, was a successful amateur cyclist and most weekends, from May to September, the family would watch him race. I remember standing by the road, waiting for him to go past. It was very exciting and probably what sparked my interest in cycling.

I grew up in Stotfold, Bedfordshire, in a small detached three-bed house. I shared my bedroom with my sister, Nicola, who is six years older, while my twin brother, Alex, was in the smallest room. We sat down for dinner every night at 6.30pm. Dad worked locally as an accountant and we would wait for him to walk in and then eat.

Alex was diagnosed with leukaemia when we were four. I remember him being taken to hospital in his pyjamas – white with blue stripes – and wondering where he was going. My parents made me understand how serious it was. We had never prayed as a family but I took it upon myself to pray for Alex to get better. I'd seen it on TV and knew you had to put your hands together, ask for things politely and say amen. I thought it was worth a try. Alex went into remission immediately after treatment because he was diagnosed early. Now I have a strong appreciation for other people's faith.

Having a twin brother made me quite competitive. It was hard because a lot of the time he was stronger and had more opportunities in sport but I didn't understand why being female would hold me back and why he should be superior just because he was a boy. But we also had a lot of fun.

My dad trained me until I was 16 when I got spotted by the national team. I had a complicated relationship with him for many years. I used to feel success in sport would earn me his love but never felt I could please him. He pushed me a lot and I felt a lot of pressure to live up to his expectations. My mum, Pauline, on the other hand, was always very comforting and reassuring. She'd say, "You can only do your best." They were like yin and yang.

After I wrote in my autobiography about how Dad had made me feel, he apologised. But I understand why he was the way he was. There was never malicious intent.

My parents split in 2009, which was very hard. I felt I had to choose sides because my dad had moved on and my mother needed support. The gap between being mother and daughter has lessened so we've become more friends.

I met my husband, Scott, when he was the sports scientist for the British cycling team. Acknowledging we were attracted to each other was scary because we knew relationships between coaches and athletes were not allowed.

The fallout from our relationship lasted about a year. Scott had to leave the team but I think many people I worked with would have rather had Scott around than me. People were angry with me because they felt they were missing a vital part of what created our sporting success and I felt I had let the team down.

Scott and I got married last August. Our wedding day was the happiest day of my life. Everyone keeps asking when I'll have kids. I'm just enjoying not competing at the moment, but I'd like to be a mother one day.

• Victoria is an ambassador for Macmillan Cycletta, a women-only cycle sportive series, humanrace.co.uk/cycletta