The affair is over as Calvin Harris waves goodbye to Rita Ora – with an emoji
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Version 0 of 1. In many ways, Rita Ora and Calvin Harris were this century's Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. OK, in fairness, that's probably an exaggeration. In fairness, they're only like Taylor and Burton in the sense that they are both vaguely shaped like human beings. But, look, you get the point. Rita and Calvin seemed made for each other. He was a famous music producer, best known for bombing the stage of X Factor so that he could bop around next to Jedward with a pineapple on his head for a maximum of about three nanoseconds. She was a pop singer, best known for being confused with Rihanna wherever she goes forever. They met, they fell in love, and then they recorded a song called I Will Never Let You Down. But then, as these things are prone to do, the romance soured. Ora was due to perform their song at an awards show, but had to pull out at the last minute because Harris – apparently stung by the abrupt end of their relationship – used his position as songwriter to veto the performance. Ora complained about it in the press, and Harris responded by subtweeting an emoji at her. A serious emoji, too. The one of a waving hand. It's basically the Defcon One of emojis. There's no going back from that. And this, readers, is the future of social media. There was a time when celebrities would announce the end of their relationships by jointly penning a graceful press release that revealed their deep sadness, underlined their ongoing respect for one another and asked the media to respect their privacy at this difficult time. But, with a few simple jabs of his thumbs, Harris has instantly obliterated all of that. From now on, it's every emoji for himself. If only this had happened earlier. If only Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin had decided to reveal their decision to separate by simply having it out on Twitter. Martin could have tweeted an angry face at Paltrow. She could have responded with the guitar emoji, followed by the emoji of a little poo. Then he could have replied with whatever the string of emojis is that means "Yum yum hamburgers" and we'd have all got the message just as quickly. It would have been swift, it would have been efficient and, most importantly, it would have spared us all those thousands of tedious conscious uncoupling jokes that ruined the internet for about three months. So thank you, Calvin Harris. Your heart might be broken, but at least you can count yourself as a trailblazer. For your services to celebrity, you deserve a medal. Or, at the very least, the emoji of two girls dancing next to each other with the horns coming out of their heads. Talk about a high accolade. |