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What I'm really thinking: the mountain guide What I'm really thinking: the mountain guide
(7 months later)
I am the trusted outdoor professional with the well-worn jacket and the skills to keep you safe in the mountains. I certainly do look and sound the part: fit, weather-beaten, with a reassuring voice.I am the trusted outdoor professional with the well-worn jacket and the skills to keep you safe in the mountains. I certainly do look and sound the part: fit, weather-beaten, with a reassuring voice.
Inside I am churning with worries, about my own adequacy, about yours, and about the unforeseeable events of our imminent trip together. Most likely, nothing at all will go wrong. But there is a risk that something will go badly wrong, and then it could get scary for all of us, very quickly.Inside I am churning with worries, about my own adequacy, about yours, and about the unforeseeable events of our imminent trip together. Most likely, nothing at all will go wrong. But there is a risk that something will go badly wrong, and then it could get scary for all of us, very quickly.
I have to be good at first aid, even though I can't practise it for real and therefore end up forgetting half of it. Will I rise to the occasion when someone is badly hurt? I don't know.I have to be good at first aid, even though I can't practise it for real and therefore end up forgetting half of it. Will I rise to the occasion when someone is badly hurt? I don't know.
I have to be able to navigate in all conditions with a very high degree of accuracy. You did not see me during my training when I got slightly lost on a Scottish mountain in thick fog.I have to be able to navigate in all conditions with a very high degree of accuracy. You did not see me during my training when I got slightly lost on a Scottish mountain in thick fog.
I have to exercise gentle leadership whatever happens. I can do this when things are fine, but can I do it when the chips are down? I may look indomitable, but I can get cold, hungry, miserable and scared, too.I have to exercise gentle leadership whatever happens. I can do this when things are fine, but can I do it when the chips are down? I may look indomitable, but I can get cold, hungry, miserable and scared, too.
It flatters and worries me that you are so dependent on me and that you have no idea how dangerous the mountains can be. The yellow helicopter clatters overhead, and I hope it is just on a training flight. It flatters and worries me that you are so dependent on me and that you have no idea how dangerous the mountains can be. The yellow helicopter clatters overhead, and I hope it is just on a training flight.
During the working week I am an accountant, in a safe, dry, warm office. But when I look out of the office window, despite all my worries, I yearn to greet another group of eager clients, ready for their day in the mountains.During the working week I am an accountant, in a safe, dry, warm office. But when I look out of the office window, despite all my worries, I yearn to greet another group of eager clients, ready for their day in the mountains.
• Tell us what you're really thinking at mind@theguardian.com• Tell us what you're really thinking at mind@theguardian.com