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Women are rattling the old boys’ club – let’s celebrate its swansong Women are rattling the old boys’ club, so let’s celebrate its swansong
(about 3 hours later)
Remember the good old days? When politics was about exciting, manly things, like war and business and shouting at each other? Or when working as a journalist at the BBC meant you could touch up whomever you liked while management raised a bemused male eyebrow? I don’t. Thankfully.Remember the good old days? When politics was about exciting, manly things, like war and business and shouting at each other? Or when working as a journalist at the BBC meant you could touch up whomever you liked while management raised a bemused male eyebrow? I don’t. Thankfully.
Last week, as you may have read, veteran reporter John Simpson lashed out against the “tough women” bosses of the Beeb, who he claims have made the national broadcaster less nice and gentle. (For the record, only a third of the directors on the board are female.) Poor Simpson: when women get into positions of power they always start acting like the worst and most aggressive of men. Imagine a journalist of his experience and standing having to listen to that crowd of ball-breakers. Or to any woman, for that matter.Last week, as you may have read, veteran reporter John Simpson lashed out against the “tough women” bosses of the Beeb, who he claims have made the national broadcaster less nice and gentle. (For the record, only a third of the directors on the board are female.) Poor Simpson: when women get into positions of power they always start acting like the worst and most aggressive of men. Imagine a journalist of his experience and standing having to listen to that crowd of ball-breakers. Or to any woman, for that matter.
Hot on Simpson’s heels for the coveted title of Comically Anachronistic Chauvinist of August 2014 is Labour MP Austin Mitchell, who, in what might be most politely described as a pungent eructation for the Daily Mail, bemoaned the feminisation of the Labour party. (Only a third of current labour MPs are female.) For Mitchell, broads might make Labour “more attractive”, and “nicer”, but they ultimately weaken the party in the face of “Tory hooligans”, because – wait for it – “women MPs are more amenable and leadable and less objectionable” than their male counterparts.Hot on Simpson’s heels for the coveted title of Comically Anachronistic Chauvinist of August 2014 is Labour MP Austin Mitchell, who, in what might be most politely described as a pungent eructation for the Daily Mail, bemoaned the feminisation of the Labour party. (Only a third of current labour MPs are female.) For Mitchell, broads might make Labour “more attractive”, and “nicer”, but they ultimately weaken the party in the face of “Tory hooligans”, because – wait for it – “women MPs are more amenable and leadable and less objectionable” than their male counterparts.
Poor Mitchell: women – soft, pretty little things – are simply not tough enough for positions of power, and he for one is sick of pandering to their prissy ways.Poor Mitchell: women – soft, pretty little things – are simply not tough enough for positions of power, and he for one is sick of pandering to their prissy ways.
Women make parliament less exciting, because they talk about “small problems rather than big ideas and issues”. I think we can all agree on the importance of ensuring that our politicians are having a rollicking time at work, and thus share Mitchell’s sadness that rip-roaring masculine political oratory will be replaced “with sixth-form essays read out word for cut-and-pasted word”. Because, obviously, that is all women are capable of writing. In fact, I believe that MP Stella Creasy’s PhD in social psychology is composed entirely of sixth form essays, which she crocheted together while looking attractive and politely agreeing with Tories.Women make parliament less exciting, because they talk about “small problems rather than big ideas and issues”. I think we can all agree on the importance of ensuring that our politicians are having a rollicking time at work, and thus share Mitchell’s sadness that rip-roaring masculine political oratory will be replaced “with sixth-form essays read out word for cut-and-pasted word”. Because, obviously, that is all women are capable of writing. In fact, I believe that MP Stella Creasy’s PhD in social psychology is composed entirely of sixth form essays, which she crocheted together while looking attractive and politely agreeing with Tories.
Labour’s all-women shortlists are always ridiculous (whereas the all-male shortlists that dominated parliamentary politics for centuries prior were fine), but, according to Mitchell, they’re especially ridiculous where: “hairy-arsed local politics, a major Ukip threat or a substantial Muslim population might suggest that it’s better to choose a man”.Labour’s all-women shortlists are always ridiculous (whereas the all-male shortlists that dominated parliamentary politics for centuries prior were fine), but, according to Mitchell, they’re especially ridiculous where: “hairy-arsed local politics, a major Ukip threat or a substantial Muslim population might suggest that it’s better to choose a man”.
Hmmm, good points. These situations do indeed present challenges, but, arguably, challenges not altogether insurmountable for a woman. Accepting the racist assumption that UK Muslims are more sexist in their voting habits than the rest of the population (an assumption for which I can find no statistical evidence), couldn’t female candidates in these constituencies simply disguise themselves as men? As for the Ukip threat, while it is undoubtedly true that the only way to lure voters away from deeply confused libertarianism is not with intelligent and inclusive policies, but with testosterone, isn’t it also true that female candidates can shove carrots down their trousers and replace headshots with crotch shots on their election posters?Hmmm, good points. These situations do indeed present challenges, but, arguably, challenges not altogether insurmountable for a woman. Accepting the racist assumption that UK Muslims are more sexist in their voting habits than the rest of the population (an assumption for which I can find no statistical evidence), couldn’t female candidates in these constituencies simply disguise themselves as men? As for the Ukip threat, while it is undoubtedly true that the only way to lure voters away from deeply confused libertarianism is not with intelligent and inclusive policies, but with testosterone, isn’t it also true that female candidates can shove carrots down their trousers and replace headshots with crotch shots on their election posters?
As regards “hairy-arsed local politics”, I must admit I’m stumped. Women are completely hairless from the neck down, and no amount of political wrangling is going to change that simple fact of biology. I suppose I have to concede that – where elections are won based on who has the hairiest arse – we should leave it to the boys.As regards “hairy-arsed local politics”, I must admit I’m stumped. Women are completely hairless from the neck down, and no amount of political wrangling is going to change that simple fact of biology. I suppose I have to concede that – where elections are won based on who has the hairiest arse – we should leave it to the boys.
I could go on and on; I’m having so much fun. But I won’t. I’ll just say this: watching this last sad bastion of unrepentant patriarchy stamping and kicking because his attractive young colleagues are not cut out for “all-night shenanigans of the parliamentary variety” gives me cause for celebration. Politics is changing to include women. The world is changing. And the pillars of the old boys’ club hate it, but when they try to explain why, they only out themselves as the laughable bigots they are.I could go on and on; I’m having so much fun. But I won’t. I’ll just say this: watching this last sad bastion of unrepentant patriarchy stamping and kicking because his attractive young colleagues are not cut out for “all-night shenanigans of the parliamentary variety” gives me cause for celebration. Politics is changing to include women. The world is changing. And the pillars of the old boys’ club hate it, but when they try to explain why, they only out themselves as the laughable bigots they are.
So let’s listen to the swansongs of the Simpsons and Mitchells of this world and dance with abandon to the sweet, sexist music.So let’s listen to the swansongs of the Simpsons and Mitchells of this world and dance with abandon to the sweet, sexist music.