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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/sep/09/britons-year-hungover-go-sober-october-macmillan-cancer-support
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| Britons spend a year of their lives hungover. Time for a sober October? | Britons spend a year of their lives hungover. Time for a sober October? |
| (about 3 hours later) | |
| Age: See under “time immemorial”. | Age: See under “time immemorial”. |
| Appearance: Wretched. | Appearance: Wretched. |
| “Dixon was alive again … spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of morning.” Oh God, my head … Why are you typing so loudly at me? | “Dixon was alive again … spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of morning.” Oh God, my head … Why are you typing so loudly at me? |
| “His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night and then as its≈mausoleum.” For the love of God, be quiet. Leave me be. I wish to die alone. | |
| “During the night, too, he had somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad.” Yes, yes, I get it. Lucky Jim, Kingsley Amis, the most famous description of a hangover in the world. I vouch for its veracity. Must we talk about this now? It’s my tarry-shingled morning after the night before. | “During the night, too, he had somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad.” Yes, yes, I get it. Lucky Jim, Kingsley Amis, the most famous description of a hangover in the world. I vouch for its veracity. Must we talk about this now? It’s my tarry-shingled morning after the night before. |
| Yes, we must. A new survey by Macmillan Cancer Support suggests that Britons spend 315 days – nearly a year of their lives! – hungover. That sounds like a woeful underestimate. | |
| Ooh, shall I do the maths? Quietly. | Ooh, shall I do the maths? Quietly. |
| Suppose a drinking lifespan of 60 years – say, from the age of 15 to 75. Divide 315 by 60 and you get 5.25 occasions of overindulgence a year. I appear to be frontloading my allowance. At a rate that suggests I need to go teetotal for the remainder of my days. Which may not be much. | Suppose a drinking lifespan of 60 years – say, from the age of 15 to 75. Divide 315 by 60 and you get 5.25 occasions of overindulgence a year. I appear to be frontloading my allowance. At a rate that suggests I need to go teetotal for the remainder of my days. Which may not be much. |
| It’s a good thing October is nearly here then, isn’t it? The closing of the gap between me and a merciful death does sound good at the moment, yes. | |
| I mean it’s time for Go Sober, Macmillan’s month-long campaign to get people to give up drinking and raise sponsorship money to fight cancer. Does drinking give you cancer? | I mean it’s time for Go Sober, Macmillan’s month-long campaign to get people to give up drinking and raise sponsorship money to fight cancer. Does drinking give you cancer? |
| Well, it doesn’t help, but no – these are separate-ish issues. You do yourself some good while also doing some for Macmillan. If I were feeling better, I might be interested in unpicking the notion of non-altruistic charity, but as it is – could you just pass me an Alka-Seltzer and sod off? | |
| Right you are! Quietly. Always quietly. | Right you are! Quietly. Always quietly. |
| Do say: “Of course I’ll sponsor you – I love your liver and hate liver cancer!” | Do say: “Of course I’ll sponsor you – I love your liver and hate liver cancer!” |
| Don’t say: “Another bloody sponsorship form? Christ, pour me drink. Make it a double, while you’re there.” | Don’t say: “Another bloody sponsorship form? Christ, pour me drink. Make it a double, while you’re there.” |