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Women’s war stories: Sex, stress-relief and mothering from afar Women’s war stories: Sex, stress-relief and mothering from afar
(about 1 hour later)
DENVER — There is little blood but a lot of guts in Helen Thorpe’s new book “Soldier Girls,” about three women in the Indiana National Guard who went to war together and gave a brutally honest account of their service, boredom, affairs, drinking, stress-relieving stunts and long-distance parenting from Afghanistan and Iraq.DENVER — There is little blood but a lot of guts in Helen Thorpe’s new book “Soldier Girls,” about three women in the Indiana National Guard who went to war together and gave a brutally honest account of their service, boredom, affairs, drinking, stress-relieving stunts and long-distance parenting from Afghanistan and Iraq.
All three women stand by every word, too: Others at Camp Atterbury, the Indiana National Guard training base where one of them, Desma Brooks, still works, “are mostly surprised we told our story,” Brooks said in a phone interview. “Sometimes the truth isn’t exactly pretty, but it’s reality.’’ And it’s a pressing one as we prepare for additional involvement in the region.All three women stand by every word, too: Others at Camp Atterbury, the Indiana National Guard training base where one of them, Desma Brooks, still works, “are mostly surprised we told our story,” Brooks said in a phone interview. “Sometimes the truth isn’t exactly pretty, but it’s reality.’’ And it’s a pressing one as we prepare for additional involvement in the region.
Thorpe, a 49-year-old former political journalist, was the first lady of Denver and then Colorado as the wife of Gov. John Hickenlooper (D), from whom she is separated. She minded the lack of privacy in political life and didn’t give many interviews as first lady. But when I ask, over coffee at the Tattered Cover bookstore nearest her home, if that’s because she knew her former colleagues all too well, she says on the contrary, she’s always assumed a kinship, especially “because I’m not a standard political spouse.’’Thorpe, a 49-year-old former political journalist, was the first lady of Denver and then Colorado as the wife of Gov. John Hickenlooper (D), from whom she is separated. She minded the lack of privacy in political life and didn’t give many interviews as first lady. But when I ask, over coffee at the Tattered Cover bookstore nearest her home, if that’s because she knew her former colleagues all too well, she says on the contrary, she’s always assumed a kinship, especially “because I’m not a standard political spouse.’’
That is kind of a laugh line, because as she surely remembers from writing profiles of political spouses, they are almost invariably tagged by handlers or headline writers as “not the usual,” etc.That is kind of a laugh line, because as she surely remembers from writing profiles of political spouses, they are almost invariably tagged by handlers or headline writers as “not the usual,” etc.
“I don’t even know if there is such a thing’’ as a standard spouse, she allows, but if there were such a creature, he or she would, she guesses, be “an extrovert who enjoys large, crowded, chaotic events.” Whereas “I’m so much more shy and not at home in that environment, so I’ll just get misread.”“I don’t even know if there is such a thing’’ as a standard spouse, she allows, but if there were such a creature, he or she would, she guesses, be “an extrovert who enjoys large, crowded, chaotic events.” Whereas “I’m so much more shy and not at home in that environment, so I’ll just get misread.”
Even in a pinstriped suit and chic green glasses today, she’s recognizable as the fellow reporter I met sitting on the floor in an Austin hotel suite where George W. Bush’s campaign team was holed up on Super Tuesday of 2000. For some reason, I recall that when Bush adviser Karen Hughes introduced us, she said something like, Helen here is the cleverest doodler; you should see the margins of her notebooks. “How did she know that?” Thorpe wondered, with maybe a corner of annoyance that she was being observed while observing.Even in a pinstriped suit and chic green glasses today, she’s recognizable as the fellow reporter I met sitting on the floor in an Austin hotel suite where George W. Bush’s campaign team was holed up on Super Tuesday of 2000. For some reason, I recall that when Bush adviser Karen Hughes introduced us, she said something like, Helen here is the cleverest doodler; you should see the margins of her notebooks. “How did she know that?” Thorpe wondered, with maybe a corner of annoyance that she was being observed while observing.
Though I’ve been warned by local journalists that the mention of her husband’s name might be a conversation-ender, Thorpe brings him up early and often, even asking if I’ve heard the latest unflattering thing about Bob Beauprez, Hickenlooper’s opponent in his current reelection campaign.Though I’ve been warned by local journalists that the mention of her husband’s name might be a conversation-ender, Thorpe brings him up early and often, even asking if I’ve heard the latest unflattering thing about Bob Beauprez, Hickenlooper’s opponent in his current reelection campaign.
And the very first thing she says about her work is how much was going on in her personal life as she moved toward this project: “I got married, moved, had a baby, moved again, my husband was elected [mayor]. So I was starting motherhood, marriage and public life at the same time.”And the very first thing she says about her work is how much was going on in her personal life as she moved toward this project: “I got married, moved, had a baby, moved again, my husband was elected [mayor]. So I was starting motherhood, marriage and public life at the same time.”
When she looked up from that whirl as her son Teddy was turning 3 in 2005, she “regrouped’’ and went to work on her first book, “Just Like Us: The True Story of Four Mexican Girls Coming of Age in America.” Yet ever since the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq first started, really, she’d also had the nagging feeling that she was “missing out on something’’ and never feeling “I understood the narratives of the wars; what was happening?” When she looked up from that whirl as her son, Teddy, was turning 3 in 2005, she “regrouped’’ and went to work on her first book, “Just Like Us: The True Story of Four Mexican Girls Coming of Age in America.” Yet ever since the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq first started, really, she’d also had the nagging feeling that she was “missing out on something’’ and never feeling “I understood the narratives of the wars, what was happening.”
Finally, in 2010, she started interviewing veterans — dozens of them, including one man who had been a sniper in Iraq and had come to oppose the war. Another standout was the woman she calls Michelle Fischer in “Soldier Girls,” who remembered such telling details about her time in Afghanistan, and her friends and fellow soldiers Debbie Helton Deckard and Desma Brooks. Finally, in 2010, she started interviewing veterans — dozens of them, including one man who had been a sniper in Iraq and had come to oppose the war. Another standout was the woman she calls Michelle Fischer in “Soldier Girls,” who remembered such telling details about her time in Afghanistan, and her friends and fellow soldiers Debbie Helton Deckard and Brooks.
Though their stories of “juggling” military and home lives resonated with Thorpe, she was actually leaning toward going with the sniper — hey, isn’t that what war books do? — until her editor said his story felt awfully familiar. So over the next several years, she interviewed and re-interviewed the women and others who’d served with them and knew them.Though their stories of “juggling” military and home lives resonated with Thorpe, she was actually leaning toward going with the sniper — hey, isn’t that what war books do? — until her editor said his story felt awfully familiar. So over the next several years, she interviewed and re-interviewed the women and others who’d served with them and knew them.
The result is a particularly hard look at motherhood and service; the two main characters who have children both gave up legal custody to get around rules against training and deploying single parents.The result is a particularly hard look at motherhood and service; the two main characters who have children both gave up legal custody to get around rules against training and deploying single parents.
Soldiers in their unit routinely opt not to visit home in mid-deployment, even when they can, because it’s so rough on them and their families when they have to leave again a few days later. The cost that Desma’s children paid for her service was awfully high even before she was wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq. And “the hardest thing about a deployment is coming home,’’ she tells me, because “we’re definitely different people” at that point.Soldiers in their unit routinely opt not to visit home in mid-deployment, even when they can, because it’s so rough on them and their families when they have to leave again a few days later. The cost that Desma’s children paid for her service was awfully high even before she was wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq. And “the hardest thing about a deployment is coming home,’’ she tells me, because “we’re definitely different people” at that point.
Thorpe wound up giving everyone mentioned in the book, not just the main characters, the choice of whether to use his or her own name, and Desma and Debbie were among the few who did opt to use their real names.Thorpe wound up giving everyone mentioned in the book, not just the main characters, the choice of whether to use his or her own name, and Desma and Debbie were among the few who did opt to use their real names.
She also sent the three main characters the manuscript before publication, and though she did not give them veto power, “they didn’t object,’’ Thorpe said, to anything about the way they were characterized. She forwarded me a text that Michelle sent her the night the book was launched, right here in the bookstore, where she had been in the audience, incognito. It was the best night of her life, she wrote: “Veterans don’t need yellow ribbons and meaningless thanks for our service; we simply need to be heard.”She also sent the three main characters the manuscript before publication, and though she did not give them veto power, “they didn’t object,’’ Thorpe said, to anything about the way they were characterized. She forwarded me a text that Michelle sent her the night the book was launched, right here in the bookstore, where she had been in the audience, incognito. It was the best night of her life, she wrote: “Veterans don’t need yellow ribbons and meaningless thanks for our service; we simply need to be heard.”
Though it would be easy to read “Soldier Girls” as antiwar, it does not present the kind of narrative in which everything points neatly in the same direction; Debbie sees her time in Afghanistan and Iraq as the highlight of her life, and Desma says that in certain ways, “life is easier in a combat zone; it’s simplified.”Though it would be easy to read “Soldier Girls” as antiwar, it does not present the kind of narrative in which everything points neatly in the same direction; Debbie sees her time in Afghanistan and Iraq as the highlight of her life, and Desma says that in certain ways, “life is easier in a combat zone; it’s simplified.”
Michelle, who opposed the wars then and now, feels that even though “I didn’t fire my weapon or see any dead bodies,” she did suffer “moral injury” in her job repairing AK-47s, in part because she never knew where they’d end up. On the phone, she said she most hopes the book will shred some stereotypes: “We’re still human beings who still have the same social needs, and maybe more so because you’re in a life-and-death situation and feel your vitality.”Michelle, who opposed the wars then and now, feels that even though “I didn’t fire my weapon or see any dead bodies,” she did suffer “moral injury” in her job repairing AK-47s, in part because she never knew where they’d end up. On the phone, she said she most hopes the book will shred some stereotypes: “We’re still human beings who still have the same social needs, and maybe more so because you’re in a life-and-death situation and feel your vitality.”
One of the biggest surprises of the book, Thorpe says, “was the amount of sex and the number of relationships” the women had, though those stories only came out slowly, over time.One of the biggest surprises of the book, Thorpe says, “was the amount of sex and the number of relationships” the women had, though those stories only came out slowly, over time.
Unbelievably, Thorpe actually worried while writing the book that it might bore readers, because “not a lot happens that’s a traditional war narrative.’’ Which, of course, is its power.Unbelievably, Thorpe actually worried while writing the book that it might bore readers, because “not a lot happens that’s a traditional war narrative.’’ Which, of course, is its power.
The real takeaway, she feels, is not that all their sacrifice came to nothing, but that single parents probably shouldn’t serve: “I really wanted to show the human cost whatever those accomplishments might be or might not be. . . . Was it a good idea to deploy single moms with young kids? And there’s men who are single dads in the unit; why are we deploying them? The cost to the kid is so high.”The real takeaway, she feels, is not that all their sacrifice came to nothing, but that single parents probably shouldn’t serve: “I really wanted to show the human cost whatever those accomplishments might be or might not be. . . . Was it a good idea to deploy single moms with young kids? And there’s men who are single dads in the unit; why are we deploying them? The cost to the kid is so high.”
While finishing the book, her own life was again in transition: “I also separated, moved, bought a house, moved again, got a legal separation’’ and spent this summer riding bikes with her son. What she learned as a writer from her time on the other side of the pen is a little embarrassing, she says: “I really did not understand the demands of public life — the amount of mail and invitations.” And even now, “I don’t understand how people thrive in that life; I didn’t. John does, God bless him. . . . I remember going to a Broncos game with John and I thought we were going to watch football,” but instead they moved from suite to suite chatting with people “capable of helping him move an agenda forward; he’s selling constantly. I’m an introvert,’’ she says for at least the third time, so “I’d have a good idea and think that would carry the day, but he understands the world is built on relationships.’’ While finishing the book, her own life was again in transition: “I also separated, moved, bought a house, moved again, got a legal separation’’ and spent this summer riding bikes with her son. What she learned as a writer from her time on the other side of the pen is a little embarrassing, she says: “I really did not understand the demands of public life — the amount of mail and invitations.” And even now, “I don’t understand how people thrive in that life; I didn’t. John does, God bless him. . . . I remember going to a Broncos game with John and I thought we were going to watch football,” but instead they moved from suite to suite, chatting with people “capable of helping him move an agenda forward; he’s selling constantly. I’m an introvert,’’ she says for at least the third time, so “I’d have a good idea and think that would carry the day, but he understands the world is built on relationships.’’
When at one point I mention the Colorado Senate race, she shows no interest: “To be honest, I’m paying more attention to John’s race, because I most want him to win.” One recent poll shows him trailing Beauprez by double digits; another has him up by two.When at one point I mention the Colorado Senate race, she shows no interest: “To be honest, I’m paying more attention to John’s race, because I most want him to win.” One recent poll shows him trailing Beauprez by double digits; another has him up by two.
In the end, she says, the contest “will come down to affection.” From voters, she means, though it’s clear she still has a lot of that for her ex. Now, however, she seems to like her place in the world more.In the end, she says, the contest “will come down to affection.” From voters, she means, though it’s clear she still has a lot of that for her ex. Now, however, she seems to like her place in the world more.
“I used to not enjoy it when someone approached me in the grocery store and I’m trying to buy a can of beans,’’ she says near the end of our two hours together. But these days when they do that, it’s to talk about one of her books, “and now I love it.”“I used to not enjoy it when someone approached me in the grocery store and I’m trying to buy a can of beans,’’ she says near the end of our two hours together. But these days when they do that, it’s to talk about one of her books, “and now I love it.”