Scotland referendum and the families it divides: 'If I vote yes, I risk my partner's job'

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/sep/18/scotland-independence-referendum-family-divide

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As the country goes to the polls to vote on becoming an independent country, we hear from families in Scotland who are divided over which way to vote. While some are determined not to let their political differences get in the way of their relationships, others speak of their frustrations with their nearest and dearest, and family divides that may linger after the result is declared.

You can add your own accounts in the comments section below.

Anonymous, Bathgate, West Lothian: “I’d like … to find out how two people … could come to such opposing views”

It is now an entirely taboo subject whenever the dissenting relative is present. My parents, a teacher and a nurse-turned-manager, are public sector workers who started their careers in the early 80s, so their yes votes seem fairly inevitable; for them it’s all about Thatcher and her legacy, and the certainty that Scotland, given self-determination, would not have allowed things to get to their present state.

I was a firm no at the outset of the election; I study at what you might call an elite university in England – a complete anomaly for my secondary school – and felt myself very much part of Britain. But as I started to research the history of Scotland in the union – something about which Scottish children are not taught – I increasingly saw it as an unequal partnership, the advantages of which were reserved for those privileged enough to join the establishment in London, or to ape the latter in Edinburgh or on some Highland estate.

And then there is the dissenter, my elder brother. He is a plumber, and unselfconsciously dogmatic in his rejection of perceived yes campaign fanaticism. For him, independence is a retrospective marketing campaign for Braveheart, with a vicious seam of Anglophobia and sectarianism running through it. He claims to have been threatened with violence in a local pub for admitting his voting intentions, and during one particularly heated argument predicted that fighting would break out on the day of the referendum.

Harmony has largely been restored to our house by a blanket ban on discussing the referendum when my brother is present – at any sign of a renewed outbreak my father actually raises his voice to his two grown sons, which would be hilarious if it weren’t so effective – but I’m now starting to regret that a more neutral dialogue hasn’t been possible; I’d like to get past my brother’s dogma, and my own, and find out how two people, born to the same parents in the space of three years, could come to such opposing views. I can only conclude that it’s largely a result of the very different worlds we inhabit.

When I challenged him on the sectarian element he sees in the debate, my brother asked if I’d forgotten the sectarian football songs and slurs so common in the playground of our childhood. I hadn’t forgotten; bookish, shy, and sport-averse, I simply hadn’t known what they meant. My brother seems to have lived in a world in which I, exiled at one of the bastions of the British academic and cultural establishment, can only ever take a scholarly interest. As the vote draws near, I worry how my brother’s Scotland and my own, evidently unreconciled by the referendum, will deal with the aftermath. I hope and, in my heart, believe that he’s wrong about the driving forces of the debate, that he has simply been unlucky in the company he keeps. But while discussion of the issue remains so inevitably heated, I feel powerless to prove my case in any reasonable manner.

Mel20: “I can respect that everyone is voting according to their belief”

My immediate family are all voting the same way, but my wider family are split. My cousin summed it up as “I suppose it just comes down to what you are willing to risk, and what you care about more”. We’ve had many interesting conversations about this referendum, and I can respect that everyone is voting according to their belief, their conviction and in their interests.

That’s OK. That’s as it should be.

Anonymous, Glasgow: “If I vote yes, I risk my partner’s job”

I’m a mature student. I want to vote yes as I believe that Scotland has been given an opportunity to create a more equal fairer society. Why should we not embrace it? However my partner, a Scottish bank employee, fears for his job if the vote is yes. He is a strong no. If I vote yes, I risk my partner’s job but if I vote no I succumb to the power of scaremongering elites. Interestingly, my English father is a strong yes while my Scottish mother is a firm no.

pickwicklet: “My brother hasn’t lived in Scotland for nearly 10 years so is staying out of it”

There’s a decent spread in my family. I’m voting yes, my mum’s undecided, my dad’s no. My brother hasn’t lived in Scotland for nearly 10 years so is staying out of it, but is sympathetic to yes.

We had a family holiday last week for the first time in about 20 years, and we had a few good discussions and a lot of jokes about it. No awful family-splitting rifts here, just differing opinions about what’s best for Scotland and the UK.

Innes Mizner: “I hate the idea of her being on the wrong side of this”

My family don’t do politics, to the point my dad will be buried without anyone knowing how he’s ever voted. We don’t ever try to persuade each other.

One of my sisters is voting no, and I see no point in trying to educate her since she still thinks the Iraq war was a success. A couple of the other dafties too.

My mum’s sister is voting no though and I was appalled at that – she’s one of the smart ones. I was forbade to hassle her, but luckily she phoned me yesterday. I asked her her reasoning and pointed out her errors. It’ll no be me or reason that persuades her though, her young grandson is texting her about it all the time – she’ll vote yes for him eventually. I know my aunt’s vote is just one vote but I just hate the idea of her being on the wrong side of this.

Tenthred: “… and this couple at least have decided they’re Better Together …”

This isn’t my own family, but I know of a couple – both very yes – who got married in August. Family insisted they pledge the wedding as an Indyref-free zone as many for no among the relatives. But they forgot to tell the celebrant, who attempted a small topical reference:

Celebrant: Well, here we are in this exciting summer of 2014, and this couple at least have decided they’re Better Together …

*awkward pause*

Voice from the back of the hall: And of course weddings are a time when two people say yes!

Situation resolved happily. As I am sure it will be in divided households on Friday.

Anonymous, Highlands: “I find the discussions with my wife difficult”

There is a degree of openness in our family but feelings are running high as D-Day approaches. We are a family of four and three of us are intending to vote yes with my wife emphatic that she will vote no.My wife has not wavered in her conviction that the prospect of independence is terrifying equating it to a divorce. She is still trying to persuade us to switch but positions are now entrenched as all the arguments of both camps have been heard several times over and whatever one of us says is countered by the other.The children are attracted by the prospect of new beginnings and not having to be governed from Westminster. Cameron has at times been concerned enough by his mother’s arguments that Scotland is going to be poorer when he is older on account of oil evaporating. I counter the argument by saying no one can be sure economically how things will look in 2050, but we have the ability to forge a new economy in the years following independence and is then reassured. My daughter has learning difficulties but she is expressing a clear preference for voting yes, for her it is seen as a vote that supports Scotland.I have not tried to win the votes of either of my children though I am well aware that unconscious influences are many. For my part I find the discussions with my wife difficult. I can accept a no vote on the basis of people deciding that Scotland could indeed go it alone but on balance they prefer to stick with the UK.

I am well aware that there are risks but I find it very difficult to accept the negativity, pessimism and fear-inducing campaigning. They have supporters in a state of terror believing that Scotland post-independence will be a defenseless, poverty-stricken, depopulated land, without any prospect of caring for the sick and disabled and totally cut off from its neighbours.