Dave’s in Her Majesty’s dog house – but the boss seems to have nine lives

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/sep/24/david-cameron-queen-purring-nine-lives-scotland

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Sam Cam looked royally pissed off when she came downstairs for breakfast this morning. Apparently, the palace have been on the blower complaining about the boss’s latest gaffe. I’m not sure what they said but I don’t think there were exactly purring with delight.

I’ve warned Dave before to mind his ps and qs when the cameras are rolling, but the problem is you can never tell when the microphones are switched on. Gordon Brown got caught out up in Rochdale when he met Gillian Duffy. Calling one of your voters a bigot live on Sky News? That really is a head in hands moment.

Even Tony Blair wasn’t immune to the odd TV slip-up, and he was as smooth as they come. Remember when George W Bush greeted him by shouting out “Yo Blair!” at the top of his voice? Blair looked like he’d just been told the Sun had cancelled his free subscription. The Queen has form herself, of course. Only the other day she told a punter she wanted the Scots to “think very carefully” about their big vote in full range of the microphones, but the Queen can do things a common-or-garden politician can’t get away with.

It’s all very embarrassing for Sam, especially given her royal lineage. Gossiping with your mates about the Queen is one thing, but inadvertently broadcasting her private comments to the whole world is just rude, and worse than that it’s careless – almost as careless as letting Alex Salmond hold a referendum on independence. How can the boss complain when the kids lose the remote control down the back of the sofa, when Daddy almost lost the whole of Scotland?

The problem with Dave is he’s so laconic, which I discovered recently is a posh person’s way of calling someone bone idle. Imagine what Her Majesty would’ve said if the Scots had left her kingdom the other week, like a teenager leaving home without warning. There would have been no purring down the phone, only shrieks and wails at the prospect of Balmoral being sold off to Donald Trump and redeveloped as a luxury hotel and golf course. The Duke of Edinburgh might even have been looking around for a new title – I always thought the Duke of Milton Keynes had a nice ring to it.

As it is, the Scots are staying, which just goes to show that Dave is a lucky prime minister. He didn’t win the election, yet he’s still in Downing Street, and he could’ve been facing David Miliband across the dispatch box but he ended up with little brother Ed instead.

As I curled up on the sofa to watch the ITV news last night, I noticed Dave’s clumsy comments about the Queen pushed Ed Miliband’s speech at the Labour party conference in Manchester down the running order. I glanced across at Sam and she just winked at me. Sometimes I think Dave isn’t as daft as he looks.