What I'm really thinking: the submissive

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/sep/27/what-really-thinking-submissive-sex

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I manage a team of people and am in the top 5% nationally in what I do. I earn more than any of my friends. I'm 34, happily single and hold a senior position in the education sector. I am attractive, independent and sexually submissive.

When I present at conferences, none of the delegates knows I spent the previous night on my knees pleasing my master. When I spend time with teenage girls as part of my job, I encourage them to be more ambitious than just an object for male satisfaction; when I spend time with teenage boys, I want them to see women as more than the large-breasted porn stars they spend hours looking at. Yet I allow myself to be controlled sexually by a man.

None of my friends and family has a clue about the kinky sex I'm into. They would be shocked to hear that before arriving for dinner, I had spent the day dressed the way I was told to, obeying every order my master gave me.

I had always fantasised about submissive sex, but until I met Mr X, I had never found the right man to do it with. I like it because, for once, I'm not having to make any decisions. When I'm at work, I can feel the marks from his whip across my backside. They remind me of his power over me. It excites me. I like being a contradiction, and I like how intimate our relationship is – you have to trust somebody to let them dominate you.

I consider myself a feminist. I get what I want and haven't been afraid to get it. And I can guarantee that my sex life is much more exciting than yours.

• Tell us what you're really thinking at mind@theguardian.com