Why the Gwags' matching outfits embody everything that's wrong with golf

http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/fashion-blog/2014/sep/28/gwags-matching-outfits-golf-ryder-cup

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Name: Gwags.

Age: Various.

Appearance: Black cinched dress with a bronze and electric blue scarf and camel coat. Black cinched dress with a bronze and electric blue scarf and camel coat. Black cinched dress with a bronze and electric blue scarf and camel coat …

I heard you the first time. Good. Then you will have realised that I was subtly mocking the designer uniform worn by the US Gwags (Golf wives and girlfriends) at this year’s Ryder Cup.

Let’s say I did. Why do they wear uniforms? Are they playing too? Don’t be ridiculous. On Planet Golf, the whole point of women is to dress nicely while watching men do important things.

I see. Basically it’s just a tradition with the Ryder Cup that goes back as long as anyone can remember. Every two years the players’ other halves, who are always women, come along wearing an outfit that’s been specially designed for the occasion. Ralph Lauren did the US team this year. By my count, their Gwags are 79% blonde.

Well that’s Americans for you. You wouldn’t catch European Gwags behaving like that. Oh yes you would. It was a navy satin number last time and weird white coats the time before. This year it seems there was a bit of a mix-up so they’ve gone with a variety of black jeans and skirts with navy macs. And they’re just 78% blonde. Amazing that they were allowed on to the course really.

I’m sensing that these Gwags annoy you. Not them personally. It’s just the pressure to conform, the creepy Stepford values, the way the uniform tells the world that there would be no room for a player’s husband or boyfriend.

It’s lucky that no professional male golfer has ever been openly gay. Very lucky. I wonder why that is? Basically, the Ryder Cup Gwags embody everything that’s dreadful about golf.

Come on! Be fair! It’s also ridiculously expensive. OK. There is that too.

Do say: “So in the Solheim Cup, the women’s equivalent of the Ryder Cup, do the husbands and boyfriends all dress in a special uniform?”

Don’t say: “Don’t look now, but Amy Mickelson has come to the tournament wearing exactly the same outfit as you.”