Hack the menu? No thanks, we’re British

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2014/oct/02/hack-menu-british-american-fast-food

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Canada caught on years ago, but Brits are finally starting to cast wistful glances across the Atlantic at talk of Americans’ fast-food-hacking habit. This inventive trend is where “secret” menu items are customised by customers of many of the big fast food chains, and shared on hackthemenu.com for everyone to benefit. They are unofficial and unadvertised, but if you ask, you’ll get them – such as Taco Bell’s Incredible Hulk burrito (a healthy hack, swapping nacho cheese and carbs for “fresco” guacamole), or Chick-fil-A’s root beer floats (vanilla Icedream to top your brew), and McLeprechaun shakes (a genius blend of the “Shamrock” mint and chocolate milkshakes) at McDonald’s. Americans have been tweeting and Instagramming the results till their food goes cold.

Now that it is on the BBC’s radar, surely it is mainstream enough for us all to have a go? I headed out to try to hack the Great British high street menu. First up, “liquid cocaine” at Starbucks in King’s Cross, London. “Oh, is that an American thing?” she asked. I explained the ingredients – four extra espresso shots and white chocolate syrup added to my ordinarily dull mocha – and asked if they had many secret menu requests. “We get a lot of US and Canadian customers asking for a whole mix of things – but no one British,” she said. “We can make anything for you – you just pick all the things and as long as you tell us, we’ll put them in.” Very helpful.

I crossed the road to Subway, emboldened by my first success. “Can I get the bread ‘old cut’?” Blank look. “It means cut across the top instead of along the edge of the sub,” I attempted to explain (and persuade). “NO,” he barked. I slunk off to Zizzi. “Is there anything you do that’s not on the menu? Secret food items or special drinks?” A flat “No,” from a confused waitress.

I needed to try the fast-food giants. Taking my turn in line at McDonald’s, I tried ordering the simplest of items on hackthemenu.com: chips with Big Mac sauce. The woman ran away and a supervisor appeared, shaking his head. “We don’t do them.” Some other requests jogged his memory: “Ah, we get some people asking about the Chicken McGriddle and Monster Mac – but just tourists, not Londoners.” Can you make any of them please? “No, we will not be doing any of those items,” he said. Rules weren’t made to be broken here – but what about Burger King?

This is where I really pissed people off. I lowered my expectations from the outrageous “suicide burger” (four beef patties, four slices of cheese, bacon and special sauce – the slogan reads: “bring a friend for backup”), and asked nicely for the far less ambitious “frings” (half a portion of chips mixed with half a portion of onion rings) because, well, why not? I want the best of both worlds. “So you want fries and onion rings? That’s £1.88.” No, I’m trying to be hipster like the Americans – frings, please. “It’s £1.88,” the counter guy repeated more sternly, “Can you pay?” I did what any Brit would do: paid up, said sorry and thank you, and scarpered.

Only Kentucky Fried Chicken awaited. Can I get any of these please, I asked scrolling down the list of rumoured menu hacks. The counter assistant’s eyebrows raised; he turned to another server and said: “Mate, she wants something not on the menu!” I got a lot of laughs, but sadly no “triple down” or “build-your-own bowl”. It might be an easy PR win, with lots of social media appeal, but clearly we’re still some way off a British “hack the menu”. Maybe it’s just not the British way.