This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.

You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/oct/30/hollywood-henchmen-turned-into-incompetent-knuckleheads

The article has changed 2 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.

Version 0 Version 1
Why have Hollywood’s henchmen turned into incompetent knuckleheads? Why have Hollywood’s henchmen turned into incompetent knuckleheads?
(about 20 hours later)
The first time that retired assassin Keanu Reeves faces his scummy eastern bloc adversaries in John Wick, he effortlessly sends an even dozen to meet their maker. The Russian gangster who has sent his scary henchmen to kill Keanu has stolen his car and murdered his dog. Now he and his henchmen are going to be sorry. Especially the henchmen, who die first.The first time that retired assassin Keanu Reeves faces his scummy eastern bloc adversaries in John Wick, he effortlessly sends an even dozen to meet their maker. The Russian gangster who has sent his scary henchmen to kill Keanu has stolen his car and murdered his dog. Now he and his henchmen are going to be sorry. Especially the henchmen, who die first.
In his first violent encounter in The Equalizer, retired assassin Denzel Washington enters the office of a Russian pimp and drug dealer, who is surrounded by sinister henchmen. The henchmen have scary tattoos, scary facial hair and scary jewellery. Washington, playing a retired black-ops commando forced into the role of community vigilante, looks paunchy and middle-aged. He was, after all, born in 1954. Yet he dispatches the villain and his cabal of henchmen in around 24 seconds. The henchmen are useless. You wouldn’t hire them to kill a couple of pesky mice. They’re some of the worst henchmen on record.In his first violent encounter in The Equalizer, retired assassin Denzel Washington enters the office of a Russian pimp and drug dealer, who is surrounded by sinister henchmen. The henchmen have scary tattoos, scary facial hair and scary jewellery. Washington, playing a retired black-ops commando forced into the role of community vigilante, looks paunchy and middle-aged. He was, after all, born in 1954. Yet he dispatches the villain and his cabal of henchmen in around 24 seconds. The henchmen are useless. You wouldn’t hire them to kill a couple of pesky mice. They’re some of the worst henchmen on record.
But these are only the first wave of henchmen in these two movies. Keanu spends the next 100 minutes of John Wick wading through phalanxes of henchmen, shooting most of them in the head to ensure they are dead. Which they are. The same happens in The Equalizer. Incensed by Washington’s cheek, the Moscow-based mobster who controls every facet of organised crime on the east coast of the US sends his trusted henchman, Teddy, to find out who killed his ineffectual lieutenant and all his trusted henchmen. Teddy secures the services of some local, Boston-based henchmen, but they too prove to be duds, dithering clowns whom Washington polishes off with ease. Whereupon more henchmen arrive from Russia and meet the same fate. By the end of the film, Beantown is littered with the shredded, mutilated, impaled remains of an army of hapless henchmen. Despite their ridiculous moustaches, nerve-rattling tattoos and follically implausible hairstyles, they are all basically pathetic. With henchmen as ineffective as this, it is hardly surprising that Teddy ends up dead, shot through and through by a nail gun.But these are only the first wave of henchmen in these two movies. Keanu spends the next 100 minutes of John Wick wading through phalanxes of henchmen, shooting most of them in the head to ensure they are dead. Which they are. The same happens in The Equalizer. Incensed by Washington’s cheek, the Moscow-based mobster who controls every facet of organised crime on the east coast of the US sends his trusted henchman, Teddy, to find out who killed his ineffectual lieutenant and all his trusted henchmen. Teddy secures the services of some local, Boston-based henchmen, but they too prove to be duds, dithering clowns whom Washington polishes off with ease. Whereupon more henchmen arrive from Russia and meet the same fate. By the end of the film, Beantown is littered with the shredded, mutilated, impaled remains of an army of hapless henchmen. Despite their ridiculous moustaches, nerve-rattling tattoos and follically implausible hairstyles, they are all basically pathetic. With henchmen as ineffective as this, it is hardly surprising that Teddy ends up dead, shot through and through by a nail gun.
Henchmen have been a cornerstone of the film experience since the artform began. Technically, henchmen are not villains per se, but aides-de-villain or apprentice villains. They lack the brains, charisma or connections to run a criminal operation themselves, so they stick to handling the rough stuff and let the megalomaniacal criminal mastermind do all the strategising. A proper henchman, or a group of them, are usually sent out several times to do the villain’s bidding, because the villain doesn’t want to get his hands dirty. Only after the henchmen finally prove unequal to the task – because someone such as Clint Eastwood or Thor shows up – does the villain himself enter the fray.Henchmen have been a cornerstone of the film experience since the artform began. Technically, henchmen are not villains per se, but aides-de-villain or apprentice villains. They lack the brains, charisma or connections to run a criminal operation themselves, so they stick to handling the rough stuff and let the megalomaniacal criminal mastermind do all the strategising. A proper henchman, or a group of them, are usually sent out several times to do the villain’s bidding, because the villain doesn’t want to get his hands dirty. Only after the henchmen finally prove unequal to the task – because someone such as Clint Eastwood or Thor shows up – does the villain himself enter the fray.
Historically, henchmen have done a pretty good job on the silver screen, right up until the end, when they are finally sent on their way. Basil Rathbone made a perfect henchman as the Sheriff of Nottingham in the 1938 film The Adventures of Robin Hood, a role reprised in 1991 with gusto and panache by Michael Wincott in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Oddjob was a memorable henchman in Goldfinger, as were Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker) and Red Grant (From Russia with Love). Henchmen do yeoman work in movies as varied as The Godfather, The Untouchables, A Fistful of Dollars, Layer Cake, The Princess Bride, Becket, The Three Amigos, Conan the Barbarian and Sexy Beast. Henry Fonda made one of the most diabolical henchmen ever in the peerless Once Upon a Time in the West, and Michael Biehn was no slouch as the deranged Johnny Ringo in Tombstone. John Woo is particularly effective in working with resourceful, dangerous, and in many ways likable, henchmen; henchmen also perform well in various film versions of The Three Musketeers. And in Sleeping Beauty, the henchman is an evil, cunning, aeronautically surreptitious henchcrow. Historically, henchmen have done a pretty good job on the silver screen, right up until the end, when they are finally sent on their way. Basil Rathbone made a perfect henchman to the Sheriff of Nottingham in the 1938 film The Adventures of Robin Hood, a role reprised in 1991 with gusto and panache by Michael Wincott in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Oddjob was a memorable henchman in Goldfinger, as were Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker) and Red Grant (From Russia with Love). Henchmen do yeoman work in movies as varied as The Godfather, The Untouchables, A Fistful of Dollars, Layer Cake, The Princess Bride, Becket, The Three Amigos, Conan the Barbarian and Sexy Beast. Henry Fonda made one of the most diabolical henchmen ever in the peerless Once Upon a Time in the West, and Michael Biehn was no slouch as the deranged Johnny Ringo in Tombstone. John Woo is particularly effective in working with resourceful, dangerous, and in many ways likable, henchmen; henchmen also perform well in various film versions of The Three Musketeers. And in Sleeping Beauty, the henchman is an evil, cunning, aeronautically surreptitious henchcrow.
The point is that henchmen must be able to get things done. They have to be able to get points on the scoreboard. Otherwise, they are nothing but window dressing. One of the finest examples of solid henchmanning-up is Ray Winstone’s turn as Jack Nicholson’s right-hand man in The Departed. He kills, scares and buries people. He doesn’t just sit around showing off his garish body art. He doesn’t act as if anybody is going to be intimidated just because he has a weird moustache or speaks in Albanian.The point is that henchmen must be able to get things done. They have to be able to get points on the scoreboard. Otherwise, they are nothing but window dressing. One of the finest examples of solid henchmanning-up is Ray Winstone’s turn as Jack Nicholson’s right-hand man in The Departed. He kills, scares and buries people. He doesn’t just sit around showing off his garish body art. He doesn’t act as if anybody is going to be intimidated just because he has a weird moustache or speaks in Albanian.
But part of the reason Winstone is so effective is because the script enables him to do what a henchman is meant to do. A professional henchman is supposed to create a mood of latent menace. He’s supposed to kill, torture and maim right up to the very end of the film, when he finally gets his just desserts. He’s supposed to lay the groundwork for the final hand-to-hand slugfest between the villain and the hero. When he carries out his duties effectively, a proper henchman gets killed off just before the villain himself is sent to meet his maker. The henchman is not the main event, but he is an important name on the undercard. He is not a stupid juggler or standup comic sent out to keep the crowd amused. He is a legitimately scary dude in his own right. And he’s not supposed to get killed off 15 minutes into the film.But part of the reason Winstone is so effective is because the script enables him to do what a henchman is meant to do. A professional henchman is supposed to create a mood of latent menace. He’s supposed to kill, torture and maim right up to the very end of the film, when he finally gets his just desserts. He’s supposed to lay the groundwork for the final hand-to-hand slugfest between the villain and the hero. When he carries out his duties effectively, a proper henchman gets killed off just before the villain himself is sent to meet his maker. The henchman is not the main event, but he is an important name on the undercard. He is not a stupid juggler or standup comic sent out to keep the crowd amused. He is a legitimately scary dude in his own right. And he’s not supposed to get killed off 15 minutes into the film.
This is exact opposite of the henchmen in most contemporary motion pictures. In recent thrillers – John Wick, The Equalizer, The November Man, Transcendence, Lucy, and even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – the henchmen might look, talk and act scary, but they invariably turn out to be incompetent knuckleheads who get polished off in 10 seconds flat the first time they encounter someone who knows how to use a bowie knife, a nail gun or an AK-47.This is exact opposite of the henchmen in most contemporary motion pictures. In recent thrillers – John Wick, The Equalizer, The November Man, Transcendence, Lucy, and even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – the henchmen might look, talk and act scary, but they invariably turn out to be incompetent knuckleheads who get polished off in 10 seconds flat the first time they encounter someone who knows how to use a bowie knife, a nail gun or an AK-47.
Contemporary movies are awash with stupid, poorly trained, hopelessly inept henchmen who would have a hard time burgling their grandmother’s apartment. In last year’s Homefront, Jason Statham faced a battalion of junior-league henchmen so lacking in basic skills they actually made the scrawny James Franco seem dangerous. Henchmen drop like flies in the Taken films, perfect examples of movies where eastern European gangsters hang around the clubhouse and vogue and wisecrack in scary-sounding foreign languages, but then, when crunch time comes, fold like cheap suits. These are bargain-basement henchmen, off-brand henchmen. If you’re going to be a henchman worth his salt, you can’t simply lounge about scaring scrawny prostitutes and fat cops. You have to go out and kill somebody.Contemporary movies are awash with stupid, poorly trained, hopelessly inept henchmen who would have a hard time burgling their grandmother’s apartment. In last year’s Homefront, Jason Statham faced a battalion of junior-league henchmen so lacking in basic skills they actually made the scrawny James Franco seem dangerous. Henchmen drop like flies in the Taken films, perfect examples of movies where eastern European gangsters hang around the clubhouse and vogue and wisecrack in scary-sounding foreign languages, but then, when crunch time comes, fold like cheap suits. These are bargain-basement henchmen, off-brand henchmen. If you’re going to be a henchman worth his salt, you can’t simply lounge about scaring scrawny prostitutes and fat cops. You have to go out and kill somebody.
The henchman as cannon fodder is becoming annoying. It diminishes the accomplishments of the hero, because dispatching even a whole army of these useless jackasses is child’s play. It’s time Hollywood got its act together and started to field some halfway-decent henchmen. Henchmen with brains. Henchmen with skills. Not bozos who get killed off by an unarmed 59-year-old vigilante who works at the local home supplies outlet. In 24 seconds, a new indoor world record for that age group. These guys aren’t henchmen. They’re henchboys.The henchman as cannon fodder is becoming annoying. It diminishes the accomplishments of the hero, because dispatching even a whole army of these useless jackasses is child’s play. It’s time Hollywood got its act together and started to field some halfway-decent henchmen. Henchmen with brains. Henchmen with skills. Not bozos who get killed off by an unarmed 59-year-old vigilante who works at the local home supplies outlet. In 24 seconds, a new indoor world record for that age group. These guys aren’t henchmen. They’re henchboys.