England v New Zealand – as it happened

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/live/2014/nov/08/england-v-new-zealand-live-all-blacks

Version 0 of 1.

4.37pm GMT16:37

Right that’s about it from me. England were... all right, I guess. Pretty decent even. They worked hard, showed great professionalism, temperament etc. Put the ball in good areas, executed their skill sets.

That of course is like being a good cricketer taking on the great Australian side on a slightly average day. Day one at Lord’s in 2005, let’s say. The All Blacks are too strong, too intense and more importantly too smart. They know how to win. Even if the wins don’t come as easily as they used to for New Zealand, even if they’re a team that now has to work harder to stay so far ahead of everyone else, they’re a team that simply does work harder because that’s what they need to do. They can be a little boring when they’re not at their arrogant, swashbuckling best, but they won’t care one jot.

I’m off to Ireland v South Africa now, so do hang around for that one and for all the reaction to this match. Cheers for reading, bye!

Updated at 4.39pm GMT

4.30pm GMT16:30

Full-time England 21-24 New Zealand

Nope, Robshaw knocks it on as England look to get it through the hands and New Zealand, who were a bit sloppy, get the win that they deserved nonetheless.

Updated at 5.30pm GMT

4.29pm GMT16:29

Try! England 21-24 New Zealand (penalty + Ford con 80)

The scrum is demolished and Owens walks under the posts. Ford quickly whacks over a drop-kicked conversion and we’ll have time for one more play! Can England do this? (No).

Updated at 4.29pm GMT

4.28pm GMT16:28

78 min England get another penalty. Youngs takes a tap and go as he should have done last time but Brown spills it backwards. New Zealand are off-side though and it’s another penalty. “Quick scrum” says Robshaw, as if it makes a difference now.

4.26pm GMT16:26

Each.

4.25pm GMT16:25

I win. You all owe me a fiver.

Updated at 4.26pm GMT

4.25pm GMT16:25

77 min Wood takes it and England drive. They get a penalty as New Zealand go off their feet. They’re going for the scrum, which they really don’t have time for now. Fiver says the first scrum goes down.

4.24pm GMT16:24

75 min England have a scrum wide on the left, on the ABs’ 22. Kieran Brookes is on for Dave Wilson. It’s a good scrum for England and they get a penalty. Webber is also on for Hartley. Farrell sticks it in the corner and England have a 5m lineout on the left.

4.22pm GMT16:22

74 min That was a lovely forwards’ try that. Nothing exciting but so patiently worked. Pep Guardiola would have appreciated it.

4.21pm GMT16:21

Yes it's a try

They were checking to see whether or not the grounding was short. “You’re looking at the advertising line” says the TMO. He’s over by miles. Barrett misses badly once again, although it’s impossible to even look up in this rain.

4.20pm GMT16:20

Or is it? Nigel Owens is now going to the TMO to check for something.

4.19pm GMT16:19

Try! New Zealand 24-14 England (Faumuina 71)

This is relentless. Ben Smith held up in the right-hand corner a metre out. You’d think that they were the ones chasing the game and they’ve got the try now! After 22 phases Charlie Faumuina goes over from close range to the right of the posts.

4.18pm GMT16:18

70 min The ABs pick and go, inching their way towards the England 22 and arcing across the pitch from left to right. England are being so, so careful not to concede a penalty.

Wales are distraught after losing narrowly to Australia. You’d think they’d be used to that by now.

4.16pm GMT16:16

68 min New Zealand have another lineout and it’s another scrappy one. Attwood has been brilliant there and has really disrupted the All Blacks, who love to use that as an attacking platform. New Zealand turn it over in midfield but Attwood goes off his feet and it’s a penalty to New Zealand.

4.14pm GMT16:14

67 min That’s the end of the sin-bin period, which New Zealand win 3-0 then. Not good that, from England. TJ Perenara takes over scrum-half duties from Aaron Smith. Australia have gone 33-28 up.

4.13pm GMT16:13

66 min New Zealand have butchered a chance here! SBW went charging through on a great line, slicing between Ford and Farrell, but then slipping slightly and getting hauled down by the recovering Ford 5m out. Wood comes in from an offside position though and is lucky not to go to the sin bin himself. Barrett, right in front of the posts 10m out doesn’t miss this time. It’s England 14-19 New Zealand.

4.11pm GMT16:11

65 min This is a big call, England have replaced Eastmond with George Ford. Farrell will go to 12, which is a wise move given Ford’s outstanding turnstile impressions for Bath this season.

4.10pm GMT16:10

64 min Back come New Zealand and they get a penalty 18m out, to the right. Beauden Barrett will take with the rain really lashing it down. Oh and he’s missed! That’s an awful kick, miles to the right.

4.09pm GMT16:09

63 min New Zealand lineout 7m out but Attwood steals it brilliantly and 14-16 it remains. Hartley tidies up well and Youngs clears but barely gets it out of the 22.

Foley has dropped a goal for Australia and they retake the lead in Cardiff, 28-30 that one. My housemate won’t be happy if that one stays the same.

4.07pm GMT16:07

62 min SBW goes on the crash ball from A Smith. He’s stopped and the ball is spread right but Savea drops it with the rain belting down now. In dry conditions that was a try. England hack it clear and look to have the territory but conceded a penalty, which Barrett kicks to the corner down the right.

Care and Rokoduguni off, Youngs and the debutant Watson on.

4.05pm GMT16:05

61 min The All Blacks do wonderfully well to get a 5m scrum: Barrett’s cross kick is taken on the 22 by Savea and he chips inside looking Crotty. Rokoduguni slides back to win the ball, but is forced to take it over his own line. It’s been a tough debut for the winger. Mealamu comes on for Kaino with Coles in the sin-bin.

4.04pm GMT16:04

60 min New Zealand bring the other Franks, Ben, on for Crockett. Beauden Barrett replaces Cruden at 10 as the rain comes down. Read wins the lineout well under pressure from Wood.

4.02pm GMT16:02

58 min Cruden looks to kick over the top after Care kicked and it’s charged down. England have advantage after Tuipolotu knocked and have an overlap on the left. Care kicks right and New Zealand clear. England have a lineout midway between the 22 and the 10m line on the left. Hartley continues his 100% success rate, only for Care to put a box kick out on the full 32m from his own line. He’s been poor today, Care.

3.59pm GMT15:59

57 min England nick the lineout, great work by Wood. It actually came off a New Zealand hand so it’s a knock-on, but as the ball went loose near the England line there were some handbags between the two hookers. Hartley pulled Coles’ shirt and the All Black responded by kicking out and catching Care. Penalty against the New Zealander although Owens and the TMO are disagreeing over whether or not a yellow should be awarded against Coles. Owens wins the argument and bins the hooker.

Wales have got a penalty try. They lead Australia 28-27 with 13 minutes to go.

3.56pm GMT15:56

56 min Morgan picks up under pressure at the base of the scrum. Care box kicks clear but only makes about 15m. England have had all the possession for the last few minutes and have been smashed.

Some “answers” on the badge question. “On badges,” begins Olli Thomson, “the Spurs ‘cockerel’ (if that is what it is) faces left. The Chelsea lion faces left but looks right. Manchester United’s red devil faces right.”

@DanLucas86 most animals in logos face right - 1 notable exception is the Philadelphia eagles logo in the NFL

3.54pm GMT15:54

55min Oh no! Care dithers with the ball on the line. As it’s on the line the ruck is over and Whitelock, thinking quickly, comes through and dives on it! We go to the TMO and it’s a knock-on as he didn’t get downward pressure. That’s a huge let off for England as Marler comes off, Mullan on and he’ll start with a scrum 5m from his own line.

3.52pm GMT15:52

55 min Danger here! Eastmond takes far too much time over a kick and has it charged down. Rokoduguni hares back to sweep up and does brilliantly, but he’s isolated and on his own line.

3.51pm GMT15:51

54 min Farrell stands deep and looks to step through a swarm of bodies but can’t get through. England have had a lot of possession but nowhere useful.

3.50pm GMT15:50

53 min England sub: Vunipola off, Morgan on.

3.49pm GMT15:49

52 min Cruden steps on halfway and nearly finds some space. England are having to watch the 10 so closely. Dagg takes it at first receiver and goes forward, offloading to Aaron Smith, but the ball goes loose at a ruck and into touch.

3.48pm GMT15:48

51 min Vunipola peels off the lineout and dummies before charging through. Brilliant defence, obviously, by McCaw though and England turn it over. New Zealand counter and Cruden kicks to space for Savea and Rokoduguni to chase. The ball bounces into touch in the England 22 though and Care clears from the lineout.

3.47pm GMT15:47

50 min A fumbled offload from SBW gives England turnover ball, which Care unforgivably boots away. Dagg slices his clearance from the 22 though.

3.45pm GMT15:45

48 min Ryan Crotty replaces Conrad Smith and here come New Zealand again. They drive down the right, in a flash get it on to the left wing and Savea is brilliantly carried into touch 30m out by Rokoduguni. Famunina comes on for Franks too.

3.44pm GMT15:44

Try! England 14-16 New Zealand (McCaw 46)

Kruis is drawn in by Read and he puts Franks into space on the 22. New Zealand have the overlap and what follows is inevitable. Dagg gives McCaw a rubbish pass but he has so much time and space that he can gather, spin and canter over unopposed. Cruden hooks an awful conversion wide.

Updated at 4.07pm GMT

3.41pm GMT15:41

44 min Esoteric email of the day number two comes in the form of a question from John Davies: “Having just seen the advert for England’s upcoming games against South Africa and Australia I noticed the springbok and wallaby on each badge faces right. This intrigued me. Any sports psychologist or historian able to enlighten as to whether this is a coincidence?”

3.41pm GMT15:41

43 min Cruden hits the post and Attwood sprints 30m downfield. What a charge! Care peels off of a maul after England drive upfield and Patrick Tuipuloto is penalised for coming in at the side. Farrell kicks long down the right but misses touch. It’s been a mixed bag from the second-best fly-half at Saracens.

3.39pm GMT15:39

41 min Here we go then. Tuipuloto is on for Brodie Retallick for New Zealand . New Zealand get a penalty 45m out in front of the posts. Just before that, Savea just ran straight over Barritt.

3.35pm GMT15:35

What’s more tedious? Betting ads on TV or Graeme Swann’s banter? With Unibet you get both. Scott Murray has just described them as both “the most tedious thing on TV” and “excruciatingly sub-Top Gear”. He should be a writer.

3.32pm GMT15:32

Half time emails:

Just the one actually, courtesy of the esoteric Nigel Steel:

“Hope is the thing with feathersThat perches in the soul.Emily Dickinson(I’m not her obviously, she wrote it)“

I’m recalling The National’s ‘Mistaken for Strangers’ here – “You swear you just saw a feathery woman carry a blindfolded man through the trees,” – but you’ve lost me I’m afraid.

Wales v Australia has resumed for the second half and Australia have moved 21-24 in front with a penalty.

3.22pm GMT15:22

Half-time England 14-11 New Zealand

Farrell does indeed convert and that’s the break. A really disciplined, professional performance that from England. They’ve done well to keep New Zealand’s biggest danger men – the three Smiths, Savea, McCaw and Read – well marshalled. It’s anyone’s game this, but that was the case at half-time in the first two summer Tests. Back in a jiffy.

Updated at 3.44pm GMT

3.20pm GMT15:20

Richie McCaw concedes a penalty

39 min Penalty to England on the New Zealand 22 out right and Care goes quickly. New Zealand are stretched here but Marler drops it. Advantage England though and it’s McCaw who’s penalised for hands in the ruck. 10m out or so, just to the left, this will be easy for Farrell.

3.19pm GMT15:19

38 min Nigel Owens ticks off Owen Farrell for kicking off with the wrong ball. “I told you this last year,” says Owens. “Oh you’ve forgotten have you?”

3.18pm GMT15:18

37 min My apologies, it was Eastmond who conceded this one for not rolling away. Cruden knocks it over from in front of the posts and it’s England 11-11 New Zealand.

@guardian_sport @DanLucas86 keep the focus! Let it slip for a second and you're roadkill

3.17pm GMT15:17

35 min I like Tom Wood as a player, he’s one of only two or three from this England side who could get into New Zealand’s, but he concedes a lot of penalties. Another here for coming in at the side of a ruck outside the New Zealand 22. And now Robshaw is at it, conceding a penalty outside his own 22 and giving Cruden a chance to level.

Updated at 3.29pm GMT

3.15pm GMT15:15

34 min Another try for Wales – Alun-Wyn Jones by the looks of things. 19-21 that one with the conversion to come.

3.14pm GMT15:14

33 min Tom Wood wins the lineout on the All Blacks’ 22 on the right. It’s good defence from New Zealand at first as England can’t break the gainline. Farrell therefore sits back in the pocket, but from 35m, right in front, knocks a limp drop goal wide.

3.13pm GMT15:13

32 min Penalty to England for collapsing the scrum. Fun fact: I actually have Nigel Owens’ number in my phone book.

3.11pm GMT15:11

31 min Ben Smith thinks he’s in here, speeding through from 45m, but the whistle had gone for a knock-on as Brown sliced a horrible clearance straight to McCaw 35m up the pitch, but the All Black captain couldn’t hold it. Lawes will be staying off with that head injury.

3.09pm GMT15:09

30 min Back come New Zealand with England stretched as Care comes brainlessly haring out of the line. Cruden makes a mistake though chipping over the top and directly into touch, 30m from the England line.

3.08pm GMT15:08

28 min Nice hands from New Zealand as they fling it and offload it right. England’s defence is good and drives the black tide out of the 22, until Williams darts through. He tries one offload too many though and it’s knocked on, England kicking clear.

3.06pm GMT15:06

27 min Penalty against Tom Wood, who already has his trademark blood on his shirt, for off-side and Cruden boots it down the left to touch. New Zealand win the lineout and we’ll see what they have from here.

3.05pm GMT15:05

25 min The ABs, unsurprisingly, run the kick-off back and Cruden is this far away from getting through with a show & go. It’s kicked ahead and May awkwardly takes it on his 22. Care clears and the chasing May takes it into touch. England nab the lineout but turn it over in midfield.

3.02pm GMT15:02

24 min Lawes is going off for an assessment, so George Kruis of Saracens comes on for his debut. Australia have another try in what is quite an absurd match down in Cardiff, which they lead 21-14. Cruden, from 41m just about in front of goal, pulls this one back to England 11-8 New Zealand.

3.01pm GMT15:01

23 min Oof. There’s a flag up for foul play of some sort against England, but of more pressing concern is Courtney Lawes, who took a boot to the face as Kaino, I think, tried to hack a loose ball through. He’s suffering a bit.

It’s a penalty against Hartley for a slightly late tackle without the arms. Nothing much more to it than that.

2.59pm GMT14:59

22 min Farrell just about gets it through with an ugly strike. England 11-5 New Zealand.

Updated at 2.59pm GMT

2.58pm GMT14:58

21 min England maul it upfield and go right. Brown grubbers possession away but we’ll go back for a penalty after Read got himself on the wrong side of the maul. We’re 40m out, off to the left. Or rather Owen Farrell is.

Cuthbert has a try for Wales and that’s all level again.

2.56pm GMT14:56

19 min This is obscene. Rokoduguni, who has looked good under the high ball, takes the kick-off well and it’s swung left to Brown, who kicks poorly to Savea. New Zealand pass it right along the line and Coles bursts down the touchline and offloads out the back of his hand to Ben Smith. The winger cuts inside and gives it to Williams in support, but he holds on once finally dragged down on the 22.

2.54pm GMT14:54

18 min 26m out, right in front, Farrell kicks it easily enough. It’s England 8-5 New Zealand and Wales 7-14 Australia.

2.53pm GMT14:53

16 min The crowd are booing because they think that there was a double movement by Cruden for the try. There wasn’t. He also missed the conversion. Robshaw wins the restart and England have possession now outside the 22 and they’ve won a penalty!

Folau has another try for Australia.

Updated at 3.24pm GMT

2.51pm GMT14:51

Try! England 5-5 New Zealand (Cruden 14)

Ah. The All Blacks swing it right and Kaino simply walks through a weak tackle by Lawes and gets to within 5m. A Smith pops it up to Cruden, who runs in from deep and dives over.

Updated at 3.42pm GMT

2.50pm GMT14:50

13 min Cruden sweeps up a Farrell chip and launches a high one, which Ben Smith chases and catches quite magnificently. New Zealand pick and drive down the left now, up to the 22 but it’s slow stuff.

2.48pm GMT14:48

12 min Eastmond goes off his feet at a ruck and concedes a penalty, which Cruden slices into touch.

I deserve this:

@DanLucas86 glawster 5 new zealand 0

@DanLucas86 what was that about jonny may?

2.47pm GMT14:47

Australia have levelled up, Israel Folau going under the sticks.

2.47pm GMT14:47

9 min Vunipola powers towards the line as England win the lineout and maul it 10m out. He’s brought down so England go through the backs, right then left. Hartley steps and is just short, then right it goes again and Lawes has a go. Now Brown steps but England can’t quite get there. England go through the phases and then Eastmond flips a lovely pass out to the right touchline, drawing Dagg and taking him out the game; Brown should score but fumbles with the line at his mercy.

2.44pm GMT14:44

8 min Penalty to England now, well won by Vunipola as he scrags Aaron Smith at a maul. There’s some backchat, Nigel Owens awards England 10m and Farrell, 38m out, decides to kick for touch. What a start!

2.43pm GMT14:43

7 min Nearly another for May! Crockett spills the ball in midfield and England look to work it left. Eastmond is tackled and Farrell puts a kick over the top. The bounce is very kind and May leaps to take it inside the 22, but doesn’t offload to Farrell in support and is penalised for not releasing.

2.41pm GMT14:41

5 min Farrell misses the kick. May’s pace there was seriously incredible.

2.40pm GMT14:40

Try! England 5-0 New Zealand (May 4)

Ahem. This is stunning. New Zealand clear from the lineout and England spread it left. May steps around Conrad Smith’s shoulder and blazes away from halfway. Dagg is coming across but such is May’s pace that he steps left and burns the full-back off to score in the corner! That’s an astonishing try!

Updated at 2.57pm GMT

2.39pm GMT14:39

2 min Savea calls mark and misses touch with his long kick. England run it but turn the ball over and Dagg looks to counter. There’s no way through and Cruden chips ahead; Brown takes well again and Farrell finds touch with a nice chip over the top.

2.37pm GMT14:37

1 min New Zealand pas it along the line in their own 22, with Williams offloading nicely out the back of his hand to Read. The number 8 is tackled though and Aaron Smith box-kicks clear. After Brown takes it well, Farrell kicks back to Savea.

2.36pm GMT14:36

Here we go. Owen Farrell kicks off and Dagg takes it on the 22.

2.36pm GMT14:36

It’s a try for Wales too! Awful defence from the Aussies and Rhys Webb has gone darting over from a ruck from 30m out. Halfpenny, who looks like he should be in a Scottish indie band, converts for 7-0.

2.34pm GMT14:34

Look at that! New Zealand are doing a funny dance! In action that actually relates to rugby in any way, shape or form, Wales v Australia is underway. This one is four minutes late already.

2.30pm GMT14:30

The Last Post is being played by a man with a trumpet in ahead of the minute’s silence, which is observed absolutely impeccably. Not a solitary sound from the crowd. Nicely done, Twickenham.

My colleague James Dart points out that rugby is never punctual. “We’ve got 40 seconds yet,” I pointed out. Then they begin the anthems. Ah well.

2.25pm GMT14:25

One more prediction:

@DanLucas86 NZ 2 walk all over this Eng side!The ABs have 2 much of everything,the biggest thing is the mentality! Bottle that & you're made

2.21pm GMT14:21

While we wait you can follow the end of Liverpool v Chelsea with the estimable Scott Murray here. Fun fact: before I started working here Scott did a lot of the rugby MBMs. I assumed he was the former Scotland lock. Alternatively we have Nick Ames on clockwatch duty here. You know you could even have all three open at once, such are the wonders of modern technology.

Or, if you don’t like football, listen to some Wilco. Paul Campbell, Ian McCourt and I all saw Jeff Tweedy earlier in the week and he was wonderful.

2.10pm GMT14:10

“Hi Dan.” Hi, Robin Hazelhurst!“Bye Dan.” Oh. “Sorry, but some things can only truly be appreciated in the pub, though I fear we’re in for a bit of a tonking here. The England three quarters line is giving me the willies and making me think we should just stick it up a jumper and maul for 80 minutes. Is it cowardly to pray for rain? Then you look at the NZ pack and realise that wouldn’t work any better anyway. Still, fingers crossed and I’ll enjoy reading your report tomorrow.”

You’re right, I think. Which of this England team would get into the All Blacks’ XV? None of the backs come close – Brown is in patchy form, Rokoduguni too inexperienced, Barritt too one-dimensional, Eastmond too lightweight, May did nothing last time around and has been crap for Gloucester since, while Care and Farrell would miss out on account of the All Blacks’ “no dickheads” policy. Speaking of which, why not have a read of Barney Ronay’s piece on why the all-conquering World Champions, with their 17-match winning run, are wrong on that front.

Updated at 2.19pm GMT

2.00pm GMT14:00

More predictions:

@DanLucas86 agree. Think England's midfield will get ripped to shreds on the D by SBW and Smith.

Incidentally Wales are playing Australia at the same time today. Sadly there’s no MBM of that one, but I’ll keep my eye on it for you.

1.58pm GMT13:58

Martin has updated us with a more specific prediction.

@DanLucas86 34-12. Maybe 36-12. Last week I said 68-8 and it was 74-6, so I'm obviously almost a genius. Note England total from penalties.

That’s not a bad shout. 38-8 for me.

1.57pm GMT13:57

35 minutes to kick-off then, assuming you’re reading this right now as I type it. Predictions? I’m going with New Zealand by 20+ I’m afraid. England should compete up front, but their backs are too small, too weak, or, in the case of Johnny May, have done nothing to warrant inclusion in an international team.

This from our man in the US, Martin Pengelly.

@DanLucas86 Enjoy the game. I have a feeling England won't.

1.53pm GMT13:53

As much as I love watching Savea play, his presence today does have one big downside. This England team isn’t close to the one I’d have picked, injuries or no, but the inclusion of Semesa Rokoduguni is excellent to see. The guy is a hell of an exciting talent, but the fear is that going up against Julian Savea may stifle him and the pressure will be enormous.

There’s also a lovely narrative here. The Fijian-born soldier, who served in the army for seven years and toured in Afghanistan, will be making his international debut on Remembrance Day weekend. For England to have uncovered such a wonderful talent in a position that they’ve struggled with recently is a big thing for the team; that’s tiny though when compared with how big an occasion it is for Rokoduguni himself and the pride he must be feeling. Here’s hoping the Bath man has a stormer.

Updated at 1.54pm GMT

1.00pm GMT13:00

Preamble

Afternoon folks. Here we go again then, with England’s fifth Test match against New Zealand in almost exactly a year and their fourth since June. If familiarity truly does breed contempt then it will be a long ol’ afternoon for the men in white: they’ve lost all four so far and that with the All Blacks only sporadically hitting the dizzying heights of which we know they’re capable.

Of course this is Stuart Lancaster’s England we’re talking about. They’re set to be the best-prepared side ever to represent their country at next year’s World Cup, so complacency is almost certainly not going to be an issue. Indeed, if you read the broadsheets as I do (turns out it’s really helpful for my job) then England could actually go and bloody win this one. The All Blacks are, after all, only human, seems to be the line to toe.

They may only be human but, to plagiarise Zlatan Ibrahimovic, a great white shark is only a fish. New Zealand aren’t just the best side in the world right now, there’s a case to be made for them being the best side ever. Their captain, Richie McCaw, is possibly the best player ever to have taken up the sport and he’s not even the most important player in the side. Hell, he’s not even the most important in the back row.

The numbers are horrifying from an England perspective: 359 caps v 759, 211 wins between the 15 of them plays – dear god – 672. England’s starting lineup have, between them, won 58.77% of their matches. New Zealand... 88.54%. Eighty eight point five four. The All Blacks have only lost twice since lifting the World Cup in 2011 and if they were to lose twice more before the next one is over it would be a shock.

England might tell you that the numbers aren’t everything, but if they concentrate on everything else their opponents bring then the task looks even more daunting. The All Blacks have moved on since the series in June, cruising to a Rugby Championship title with that astonishing-run-ending defeat to South Africa a mere inconvenience. They’ve reintegrated the supremely talented Aaron Cruden into the squad – successfully too, to the point that they can leave Dan Carter out of the entire XXIII – Aaron Smith has emerged as the world’s best number nine and Julian Savea, the world’s best winger by a comfortable distance, has taken his strike-rate to 29 tries in 30 matches, including eight against England – the Jonah Lomu comparisons are valid.

Perhaps the most exciting prospect about this match though is watching the return of Sonny Bill Williams after a two-year sojourn back to rugby league. The man can do things that no other player in the history of the game would have imagined. John Ashdown and I once had the following discussion: if the earth had to pick a single athlete to enter an interplanetary multi-sports contest against the aliens from Space Jam, who would you choose? Sonny Bill was the only name mentioned alongside LeBron.

Yes England, plagued with injuries, will probably lose this one and by a fair old bit. The axis of a patchy Danny Care, an unfit petulant Owen Farrell, a tiny Kyle Eastmond and human statue Brad Barritt will most likely get taken to pieces. Just think back to how poor Eastmond was in that third Test defeat in June and now he has to cope with SBW. He weighs 12st; physically, that’s like Sonny Bill Williams v Me.

What’s important is that they don’t read too much into things if/when they lose. Alex Corbisiero, Dan Cole, Joe Launchbury, Geoff Parling, Tom Croft, Luther Burrell and Manu Tuilagi should all be in contention come World Cup time and this is a team at the start of a cycle. There’s also the prospect of Sam Burgess, whom we’ll get a good look at over the next few months. There’s no guarantee he’ll be any good at all at union, but a talent like that could potentially bring a touch of genius to this side next September.

Kick-off is at 2.30pm. I won’t be writing a preamble this long ever again.

England: 15-Mike Brown, 14-Semesa Rokoduguni, 13-Brad Barritt, 12-Kyle Eastmond, 11-Jonny May, 10-Owen Farrell, 9-Danny Care; 1-Joe Marler, 2-Dylan Hartley, 3-David Wilson, 4-Dave Attwood, 5-Courtney Lawes, 6-Tom Wood, 7-Chris Robshaw (captain), 8-Billy Vunipola.Replacements: 16-Rob Webber, 17-Matt Mullan, 18-Kieran Brookes, 19-George Kruis, 20-Ben Morgan, 21-Ben Youngs, 22-George Ford, 23-Anthony Watson

New Zealand: 15-Israel Dagg, 14-Ben Smith, 13-Conrad Smith, 12-Sonny Bill Williams, 11-Julian Savea, 10-Aaron Cruden, 9-Aaron Smith; 1-Wyatt Crockett, 2-Dane Coles, 3-Owen Franks, 4-Brodie Retallick, 5-Sam Whitelock, 6-Jerome Kaino, 7-Richie McCaw (captain), 8-Kieran Read.Replacements: 16-Keven Mealamu, 17-Ben Franks 18-Charlie Faumuina, 19-Patrick Tuipulotu, 20-Liam Messam, 21-TJ Perenara, 22-Beauden Barrett, 23-Ryan Crotty

Referee: Nigel Owens (Wales)Touch judges: Jerome Garces (France) & Dudley Phillips (Ireland)TMO: Simon McDowell (Ireland)

1.00pm GMT13:00