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Vodka, mittens and sex – a Russian’s guide to surviving the cold Vodka, mittens and sex – a Russian’s guide to surviving the cold
(35 minutes later)
Few people want to take advice from the Russians these days – unless you’re interested in waging non-linear warfare against a neighbour or wrecking a relatively decent economy in a few easy steps – but one can’t deny that Russians have an intimate knowledge of winter.Few people want to take advice from the Russians these days – unless you’re interested in waging non-linear warfare against a neighbour or wrecking a relatively decent economy in a few easy steps – but one can’t deny that Russians have an intimate knowledge of winter.
As frosts and snow descend over Britain, with all of the traditional accompanying anxiety and disruption, you can almost hear the Russians crying: “Don’t worry, it could be worse!”As frosts and snow descend over Britain, with all of the traditional accompanying anxiety and disruption, you can almost hear the Russians crying: “Don’t worry, it could be worse!”
In Russia, it really can. According to research conducted in 2011, for example, one in 10 Russians is cut off from transport networks over the winter, with rural roads made impassable by weather.In Russia, it really can. According to research conducted in 2011, for example, one in 10 Russians is cut off from transport networks over the winter, with rural roads made impassable by weather.
Still, “lie back and think of how bad it is in Siberia” doesn’t quite cut it when you’re snowed in or your commute has become a waking nightmare. Coping is important, and Russians have coping down to an art form.Still, “lie back and think of how bad it is in Siberia” doesn’t quite cut it when you’re snowed in or your commute has become a waking nightmare. Coping is important, and Russians have coping down to an art form.
Years of living in Russia taught me that it is better to overestimate than underestimate the elements. Russians give winter its due – checking the forecast and dressing accordingly is practically a religion (old women in the street may even berate you if they decide you’re not dressed warmly enough). Even if you’re not out in the country, think of how much better it is to stumble out of a club in sub-zero temperatures wearing a decent coat as opposed to something put on in a more optimistic spirit.Years of living in Russia taught me that it is better to overestimate than underestimate the elements. Russians give winter its due – checking the forecast and dressing accordingly is practically a religion (old women in the street may even berate you if they decide you’re not dressed warmly enough). Even if you’re not out in the country, think of how much better it is to stumble out of a club in sub-zero temperatures wearing a decent coat as opposed to something put on in a more optimistic spirit.
A few shots of vodka can be a good idea, though not for the sake of staying warm, since alcohol actually lowers your body temperature. Vodka, when after coming in from the cold, can give a mental rather than a physical boost: that burning feeling offsets the winter gloom, making things shine a little brighter, especially if you take it with dinner (drinking it on an empty stomach is only excusable if you’re in your first year – or first week, even – of college).A few shots of vodka can be a good idea, though not for the sake of staying warm, since alcohol actually lowers your body temperature. Vodka, when after coming in from the cold, can give a mental rather than a physical boost: that burning feeling offsets the winter gloom, making things shine a little brighter, especially if you take it with dinner (drinking it on an empty stomach is only excusable if you’re in your first year – or first week, even – of college).
Complaining is key, and most Russians I know are champion complainers. Before the big Christmas blizzard of 2014, for example, it seemed that every other Muscovite was complaining that there wasn’t any snow, “and just look at how drab everything looks”. The default reaction was to take a drag on your cigarette and mutter disappointment.Complaining is key, and most Russians I know are champion complainers. Before the big Christmas blizzard of 2014, for example, it seemed that every other Muscovite was complaining that there wasn’t any snow, “and just look at how drab everything looks”. The default reaction was to take a drag on your cigarette and mutter disappointment.
After the blizzard hit the Russian capital, my Moscow friends didn’t miss a beat, complaining “Just look at how white everything looks. And there are record-breaking traffic jams.” Then they dragged on their cigarettes in disappointment.After the blizzard hit the Russian capital, my Moscow friends didn’t miss a beat, complaining “Just look at how white everything looks. And there are record-breaking traffic jams.” Then they dragged on their cigarettes in disappointment.
Giving winter the middle finger is oddly liberating, even if winter itself won’t care.Giving winter the middle finger is oddly liberating, even if winter itself won’t care.
I can also tell you that a good pair of mittens is warmer than a good pair of gloves, setting out into the cold on a full stomach is a good idea, and fleece socks are preferable to cotton. I learned this while covering winter protests in Moscow. When you’re in a crowd of angry people in the middle of winter waiting to possibly be rushed by the police, you at least want to be comfortable.I can also tell you that a good pair of mittens is warmer than a good pair of gloves, setting out into the cold on a full stomach is a good idea, and fleece socks are preferable to cotton. I learned this while covering winter protests in Moscow. When you’re in a crowd of angry people in the middle of winter waiting to possibly be rushed by the police, you at least want to be comfortable.
Now that the Russian economy is suffering and the rouble looks like it has thrown in the towel, the most vulnerable members of Russian society are the ones likely to hit first. It’s a good reminder that a cold winter is a time to take care of those around us. I can’t stress how important it is to donate warm clothes in times like these, for example – and not just in Moscow. It is much harder to cope with the cold when you’re low on funds. Now that the Russian economy is suffering and the rouble looks like it has thrown in the towel, the most vulnerable members of Russian society are the ones likely to be hit first. It’s a good reminder that a cold winter is a time to take care of those around us. I can’t stress how important it is to donate warm clothes in times like these, for example – and not just in Moscow. It is much harder to cope with the cold when you’re low on funds.
But if there is one upside to both bad weather and a bad economy, it is that they give you an opportunity to stay in and have more sex. Life is very short, and if you have the slightest excuse to spend any extra naked, satisfying hours in the company of another human being, you should probably do it.But if there is one upside to both bad weather and a bad economy, it is that they give you an opportunity to stay in and have more sex. Life is very short, and if you have the slightest excuse to spend any extra naked, satisfying hours in the company of another human being, you should probably do it.
I’ve encountered this ethos a lot in Russia, and while it may account for some problems with economic inefficiency and the like, there is also something very beautiful about it. Seize the night, if you will. The cold, dark, winter night.I’ve encountered this ethos a lot in Russia, and while it may account for some problems with economic inefficiency and the like, there is also something very beautiful about it. Seize the night, if you will. The cold, dark, winter night.