Football transfer rumours: Marquinhos and Dybala to Manchester United?

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/jan/15/football-transfer-rumours-marquinhos-dybala-manchester-united

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Ivan Gazidis has hypnotised Arsène Wenger into thinking that he wants to sign two players this month, one defender and one midfielder. It says here that Arsenal are in talks with Borussia Dortmund about Mats Hummels and Ilkay Gundogan, but those surely must be code names for Kim Kallstrom and Kim Kallstrom’s dog, also named Kim Kallstrom.

Meanwhile Arsenal have spent so long dithering over whether or not to sign West Ham United’s Winston Reid that they’ve only gone and let Tottenham Hotspur into the race for the New Zealand centre-back. You never get these problems when you go for Kim Kallstrom.

Anyway, while Reid’s future remains up in the air, Ravel Morrison’s time at West Ham appears to be drawing to a close. Lazio have been charmed by his unique approach to life and Morrison is expected to sign a pre-contract with the Italian club in the coming days.

Liverpool have identified the Australian goalkeeper Mathew Ryan who is currently at Club Brugge, as a potential rival for Simon Mignolet. If Ryan is half as good as the Australian goalkeeper already on their books, Gullible Brad, then they are in business. Liverpool also want Alex Song, but they can’t have him, he’s West Ham’s. Go away and think of something original, Brendan.

MANCHESTER UNITED have not signed LIONEL MESSI from BARCELONA yet. But they are sniffing around Paris Saint-Germain’s £30m-rated defender Marquinhos and Palermo’s £30m-rated striker Paulo Dybala. You know, the Mill was just thinking that United could do with another expensive striker.

Related: Manchester United sack European scout over racial slurs on Facebook

And finally, Swansea City are in talks with Tottenham over signing Kyle Naughton. What a year this is turning out to be.