More movie musicals? Yes, please

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jan/16/more-movie-musicals-yes-please

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As Craig Emerson once proved, breaking out into song is a bit weird. This may explain why many people still struggle to make the leap of faith required to enjoy musicals. Not me, though. If I can go along with a film telling me there’s a galaxy far, far away where just about everyone speaks English, I can deal with folks busting out a few songs mid-conversation.

Movie musicals can be a bit hit-and-miss. By which I mean movie studios tend to take a hit show and turn it into a miss. One recent exception is Into The Woods which is garnering acclaim from critics and audiences alike. I should bloody well hope so as they certainly took their time bringing it to the big screen: 27 years to be exact. The only time 27 years sounds too short a period of time is when you’re talking about the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Amy Winehouse or Jim Morrison. But in this case, it’s too long. Though I’m thrilled Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine’s pre-Shrek fairytale mash-up is now reaching a global audience, there are still plenty of great musicals due for a film adaptation. Did somebody say Dance of the Vampires? No, nobody said Dance of the Vampires.

So, Hollywood, listen up. You’ve already given us three film versions of Annie when I’d argue one was too many, so how about a film version of Avenue Q? Or Chess? Or Stephen Sondheim’s Company? Or Stephen Sondheim’s Follies? Or Stephen Sondheim’s breakfast? (That’s not a musical, but he’s a genius, it’ll be great.)

Here are my suggestions for musicals ripe for a Hollywood re-make.

Avenue Q and The Book of Mormon: Two hugely successful shows that have given closed-minded men a reason to see a musical. One’s got a masturbating puppet and one would make a perfect companion for Mitt Romney’s rumoured presidential campaign. I’ll let you work out which is which. Avenue Q even manages to take an idea as confrontational as ‘Everyone’s a little bit racist’ and turn it into a catchy tune you’ll be humming all the way home, you damn racist.

Chess: With suggestions we could enter another cold war, now’s the time to bring this story of east versus west to the big screen. With music by ABBA’s Benny and Björn, it’s the thinking person’s Mamma Mia. And if a board game like Battleship can be a film, you’d better believe Chess can be.

Company: Before there was The Bachelor, there was Bobby, the commitment-phobic central character of Stephen Sondheim’s musical about relationships. Unlike The Bachelor, though, this show actually has respect for its audience and, like all of Sondheim’s work, will leave you entertained and slightly uneasy.

La Cage Aux Folles: If Les Misérables has taught us anything other than the perils of stealing a loaf of bread, it’s that French titles make great musicals. As the marriage equality debate continues to rage, this story of acceptance and being allowed to love who you love is as relevant as ever. If you’re not the sort of person who believes in such things, maybe you’ll get a kick out of seeing a man in a dress, I dunno.

Promises, Promises: A 1960s tale of love in New York City, this is the only musical from legendary songwriting team Burt Bacharach and Hal David (Walk on By, Alfie). Just about every song in this show is a winner, most notably I’ll Never Fall in Love Again and the title song. You’ll even enjoy the songs with terrible titles like Turkey Lurkey Time and She Likes Basketball. That’s right, Turkey Lurkey Time.

The Roar of The Greasepaint – The Smell of the Crowd and Stop The World – I Want To Get Off: Both of these shows were composed by the team of Anthony Newley and Lesley Bricusse who wrote the songs for 1971’s Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. If that’s not enough reason, I don’t know what is.

Sunset Boulevard: Basically a loveless, murderous version of Harold and Maude, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Sunset Boulevard (based on the 1950 film) is due for translation to the screen, if only to wash the taste out of your mouth after the adaptation of his Phantom of the Opera.

Seeing as we now have had as many versions of Annie as we have had of The Hulk, maybe Hollywood could take a second shot at certain film musicals which just didn’t quite hit the mark the first time.

A Chorus Line: What was then the longest-running Broadway show in history became something entirely different (read: worse) in the hands of Gandhi director Richard Attenborough. It wouldn’t be until Jurassic Park that someone was finally able to tell him off for it. Jeff Goldblum’s line about being “so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn’t stop to think if you should” was, I suspect, as much about A Chorus Line as it was about man-eating dinosaurs.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum: With only seven of the show’s 15 songs making it into the film, it just felt weird when any of the characters broke into song. Craig Emerson weird.

Mame: Lucille Ball. Singing. It’s like hearing show tunes performed by an ashtray.

Rent: To its credit, this film kept much of the original Broadway cast. Unfortunately the film was made almost a decade after opening night, meaning the cast of mid-30s performers sometimes seemed a little too old to still be refusing to pay rent. Good thing they didn’t do the same thing with Annie, otherwise you’d have a film about a bunch of 20-somethings who really need to move out of the orphanage.

The good news is that more movie musicals are on the way, with word this week that Wicked could be on its way. Until then, make sure you see it at the theatre. It shits all over The Bachelor.

Which shows would you like to see on screen?