From the abortion underground to the gauntlet of protesters: readers share their stories

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jan/27/abortion-underground-protestors-reader-stories

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Abortion is a public health issue mired in a web of social and cultural stigmas; it’s a divisive political issue about which the public is almost exactly split between identifying as either “pro-life” or “pro-choice.”

Still, nearly one in three women in the US will have an abortion by the time they’re 45. Some 60% of them will, at the time of their abortion, already have at least one child, and the number of women having abortions whose income is below the national poverty line has significantly increased over the last decade.

In the last few years, Republican-led states have aggressively rolled back women’s access to abortion services, passing legislation to effectively shutter the majority of clinics in a state (meaning women must drive miles to the nearest provide), imposing waiting periods of up to 72 hours and mandating invasive intrauterine ultrasounds.

We invited women to share the stories of their abortions, and received an outpouring of responses from women of all walks of life. Overwhelmingly, respondents said that they know that their decisions were the right ones for them, and that they were grateful to have access to the resources to end their pregnancy.

They are our mothers, sisters, friends and neighbors. They are us.

Here are some of their stories.

Anna: “On the day of the appointment, I had to fight - literally - to get into the clinic”

I grew up in a very conservative town, in California in the mid-1980s. There were a lot of billboards and talk – abortion was on everyone’s mind.

I made the decision, as a protective measure, that I would get an abortion if I ever got pregnant.

I became pregnant at 21 while attending college in Oregon.

On the day of the appointment, I had to fight - literally - to get into the clinic. I remember telling one man who engaged with me that one way or another I was going in to have the abortion. I punched a guy holding a sign and shouting at me, and ran to the door.

Once I got in, I was lightly dissuaded from having the procedure that day, because it was so early in my pregnancy, but I knew what I wanted.

Today, I don’t have a sense of regret, just a sense of “what if”. I’m really grateful to have had access to those services, because I have my life now. I wouldn’t have this life if I had had to have a child I didn’t want.

Maggie: “I made the right choice for me and my family, especially the children that I already had”

I immediately felt nauseous and sick when I found out – I just knew that I didn’t want to have another child.

It came down to whether I could provide what I wanted for the children I already had. It wouldn’t have been the quality of life I wanted my kids to have. I would have had to give up a very good opportunity for work that was going to require travel and knew I wouldn’t be able to do it with an infant.

It just felt like everything that I had been working for, for me and my children and my husband, would fall apart.

There are tremendous stigmas about the type of women that get abortions, even I would’ve thought it was only younger, less careful people. But I was 37 when I had an abortion, with two children, a professional career, and a supportive husband who would have coped with whatever choice I made.

I am still relieved that I could get an abortion, that there was a clinic in my town, that there were professionals who could do this and see me through this. I made the right choice for me and my family, especially the children that I already had.

Caroline: “I had just started taking drugs for suspected epilepsy (which may have caused the contraception failure)”

I was 26 when I found out I was pregnant again, and I was dealing with severe post-natal depression. After the birth of my one-year-old, I became ill very quickly after, and was admitted to a mental hospital in York for five days.

I had just started taking drugs for suspected epilepsy (which may have caused the contraception failure), and was on antidepressants. My husband and I had no intention of having another child, then or in the future. It wouldn’t have been sensible.

It was distressing to be pregnant again and not wanting to be after just having a child – that contrast was very hard.

If I’d had the sort of post-natal depression after a second child, I don’t know how we’d have managed at all.”

Mack: “I didn’t really know where to turn – this was 1969 or 1970, when abortion was illegal”

I was young and just starting at a two-year college. The choice was pragmatic. I wasn’t in love, and I could barely take care of myself. I had a long road ahead of me at the time, and I wanted so much out of life.

I didn’t really know where to turn – this was 1969 or 1970, when abortion was illegal. I got a phone number from an older, much savvier friend who knew of an underground network run by activist women in Chicago. I was told to call “Jane”, who gave me another number to set up an appointment and get an address.

My only concern that day was that something might go wrong – perhaps we’d get caught or maybe the procedure would go awry. The place where the abortion was done was somewhat of an office space, but in a house. It was all quick and painless. I was given medication for pain and told that if I was experiencing unusual bleeding or fever, that I should go to the hospital and say I was having a miscarriage.

Recovering at home was a gruesome process, with and there was a lot of blood, even some tissue, and terrible pain. My friend stayed with me, and after the worst was over, we gathered up all my sheets, stuffed them in a plastic bag and threw them away.

And that was that. I was relieved more than anything. At the time, I wouldn’t done anything not to have a child when I wasn’t ready. I know I made the right choice.

Alyssa Wright: “I would’ve tried anything to cause a ‘natural’ miscarriage so I didn’t have to tell my partner I didn’t want a child”

I had been with my partner for a little over 8 months and at first I was taking the pill to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. I carelessly let my prescription lapse.

Two months later, my period was two weeks late. When the test came back positive I was in shock. No bliss, no smiles, just dread. I knew my partner always wanted children, as he was abandoned by both his parents and ended up in foster care when he was young.

I tried to convince myself that having a baby would be OK . I put the positive pregnancy test in box and gave it to him for his birthday, and he cried in happiness. I tried to be the same way, but I felt embarrassed, like I had done something wrong.

Over the next few weeks, I started researching how to induce a miscarriage. I started taking 1000 mg of Vitamin C every hour to make myself sick for almost a week. Then I tried taking baths so hot my skin turned red and itched. I would’ve tried anything to cause a “natural” miscarriage so I didn’t have to tell my partner I didn’t want a child.

When I finally told him, he told me he just wanted me to be OK. I could tell that he was beyond hurt, but him supporting me no matter what happened meant our relationship could continue.

I want people to know that I don’t regret the decision, and I’m not scarred for life. I still want children, just not before I’m ready.

Francesca: “The abortion was not at all traumatic – I would do it again without hesitation”

When I was 18, a doctor had told me I had polycystic ovary syndrome and may find it difficult to become pregnant. Years later, I stopped taking the Pill after I met my husband (then boyfriend) because I was convinced I wouldn’t ever fall pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant, I felt really happy that I was not infertile, but then panicked about what I was going to do.

I was still in training to be a midwife at the time, so it wasn’t the right time for a baby. We didn’t even contemplate keeping it.

The abortion was not at all traumatic – I would do it again without hesitation.

I don’t talk about unless someone asks me, but I don’t keep it a secret. I never disclose it to my patients, as I find it unprofessional, but I tell them what to expect if they choose to terminate.