FKA twigs, Slaves, Deers: are we running out of band names?

http://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/feb/17/fka-twigs-slaves-deers-band-name-shortage

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Typical. You spend a year building up brand recognition for your chirpy girl-gang indie pop, and just as your name is included on all those “Big For 2015” lists, some fella in pinstripes tells you to change it or face being hauled before the courts. This is basically what happened last month to Madrid foursome Deers, whose ascent piqued the interest of lawyers representing similarly named Canadian mope-rockers the Dears. As a result, the Spanish Deers had to rename themselves Hinds and start climbing the greasy pole all over again.

It’s not an isolated incident: chillwavers Twin Sister were forced to regroup as the altogether unsatisfactory Mr Twin Sister after a 70s band called Twin Sisters kicked up a stink. FKA twigs is still getting legal heat from American duo the Twigs. Meanwhile, I spent a good fortnight wondering why everyone was getting themselves in a lather about po-faced US pop-metallers Slaves before realising there was a much more exciting new British band with the same name; and recently recommended American gospel noisemongers Algiers to a friend, only for him to think I’d gone a bundle on a Sheffield emo-pop duo.

We’re clearly running out of band names. Pretty much every cool word or phrase has been taken, which is why bands are having to call themselves Alt-J or King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard, just to avoid a lawsuit from some obscure 60s rockers.

So what can be done? There must be a formula for generating band names: something like the foodstuff at the back of your larder cupboard plus your first car. Tinned Anchovy Fiesta, anyone? Fenugreek Yaris? OK, the formula might need a bit of fine tuning.

Perhaps we should centralise the process: before a band have recorded a note, they must register their name with a government department and if it’s already taken – or is just a bit shit – they are assigned a moniker from a pre-approved list, like with hurricanes or new towns. You could start by apportioning the few animal-related names that haven’t already been used – the Dromedaries, Slit-Faced Bat – before moving on to Fall song titles, because there really ought to be bands called Marquis Cha-Cha, Strife Knot and Joker Hysterical Face.

Then again, now that people simply Shazam everything, maybe a distinctive band name is no longer necessary. Can you name the perpetrators of that Take Me To Church song, or the one where the singer puts a thousand syllables into the word “her-roro-ooiio-ooes?” Of course not, but that hasn’t stopped them from achieving irritating ubiquity. If the US Slaves do slap a cease-and-desist on their Kentish counterparts, perhaps we can get away with just referring to Slaves UK as You Know, Those Ones Who Sound Like Royal Blood On A Diet Of Fags And Brylcreem. It’s either that or Fenugreek Yaris.