Katie Hopkins's barrage of bitterness would destroy Britain's Got Talent
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Version 0 of 1. This is a bit of a stretch, so bear with me – Katie Hopkins is going to take over from Simon Cowell as a judge on Britain’s Got Talent. There have been various news reports in this vein, seemingly based on little more than Simon Cowell possibly retiring from talent shows at some point in the next decade, and Katie Hopkins possibly wanting to be a talent show judge. So, realistically, Katie Hopkins probably isn’t going to take over from Simon Cowell on Britain’s Got Talent. But, just in case, it’s worth stating that it would be a terrible idea. Katie Hopkins should never be a judge on Britain’s Got Talent. Never. Never ever. David Walliams should carry a self-destruct pendant around his neck at all times, just so he can take out the entire show on the off-chance that Katie Hopkins gets within a mile of becoming a judge. There are a number of reasons for this. Most importantly, it’s because Britain’s Got Talent should be allowed to die whenever Simon Cowell decides to retire. Remember 2011, when Simon Cowell attempted to bow out for the first time? He brought in David Hasselhoff and Michael McIntyre as his replacements, and they let the world’s most anonymous male Susan Boyle impersonator win the show. That whole year was a mess from start to finish – only partly salvaged by the participation of Jean Martyn, with whom I am still in love – and it should stand as a warning from history about the catastrophes of a Cowell-free BGT. If he goes, just let it die. Don’t worry about keeping Amanda Holden in gainful employment. There’s a world of yoghurt adverts out there. And definitely don’t think about hiring Katie Hopkins as a replacement. Because, I repeat, that would be awful. Katie’s full quote, according to the Daily Star, is: “There is a role for a Miss Nasty on any panel. We don’t have any good Miss Nasties at the moment because everyone wants to be sweet like Cheryl Cole. They want to be loved. It would be good to have someone different.” Which quite spectacularly misses the point of Britain’s Got Talent. A show like The X Factor needs to have an element of nastiness to it, because it helps to prepare contestants for the vile grotesqueries of the record industry. But Britain’s Got Talent is a show about jugglers and dog-dancers, about young comedians and tubby Michael Flatley impersonators. It celebrates good-natured eccentricity. Nastiness of any description would simply come across as an enormously ill fit. Being a BGT judge requires careful modulation. Simon Cowell had to soften his approach and become a sort of kindly uncle figure when he jumped from The X Factor to BGT. Even Piers Morgan was forced to synthesise a sporadically convincing sheen of sympathy when he became a judge. But Katie Hopkins seems unable to modulate her approach to anything. The only weapon in her armoury is non-stop shrill attack. It was all she was capable of during Big Brother, where the constant presence of cameras gave her the perfect opportunity to showcase another side to her personality. But she couldn’t even manage that. Katie Hopkins is a vacuum of bitterness, and she’d ruin Britain’s Got Talent for ever. She must not under any circumstance become a judge. You know, if this was a likely prospect. Which it isn’t. |