Dave’s like, sorry Lynton, last question, what do I wear tomorrow? I’m WTAF, that is MY job

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/mar/03/mrs-camerons-diary-chooses-husbands-clothes

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Well when we saw the news I was like, what do you see babes, Dave was like, defo white & gold, I’m like OMG snap, white & gold, Dave’s like, wait up babes, what do YOU see Lynton? I’m like, forget him, you MUST call David Tredinnick for a scientific explanation, Mr Cobber goes, blue & black guys, end of. I’m like hello, he’s like, time for your bedtime snack Dave mate, Dave’s like, but what should I eat Lynton? Mr Cobber is like, a salami & Vegemite bagel, now move it, that will be £45,000 plus VAT, I’ll leave the invoice in the hall, how will you be paying? Dave’s like thanks Lynton you are a genius, goodness knows what Samantha would have made me eat if you were not here!

I’m like *menacing voice* so now you are literally telling Dave what to see as well as what to say? He’s like, all part of Lynton’s HandyStrategist service, sweetheart, oh look we’re into another half hour now, where’s me pad. I’m like, well Dave can think for himself thank you, he’s like, sweetheart, in our in-depth polling 93% of our target voters associated the white & gold dress with gay marriage, uncontrolled immigration and garlic, I’m like, so? He’s like, so all Conservative MPs will now see that dress as blue and fucking black, do I make myself clear, now bedtime Dave, Dave’s like, sorry Lynton, last question, what do I wear tomorrow?

I’m WTAF, that is MY job, he’s like, not since we focused-grouped the suede loafers Sabrina, OK Dave, the check shirt, Dave’s like, babes, did you know relaxed pensioner chic is having a moment? Lynton’s like, so that’s £15,000 including the loyalty discount, gotta nectar card? Dave’s like you are a genius Lynton, goodness knows what Samantha would have made me wear if you were not here!

So upstairs I’m like, right, Game of Thrones binge, Cobber will never know, Dave’s, sorry babes, you know that is not about the economy. I’m like *sigh* OK, two episodes of House of Cards, that is practically homework, no? He’s like, you heard Lynton, I’m like, so would you jump off a cliff if Lynton told you to? Dave’s like, yes?