Mardy Fish helping to destigmatize mental illness with return to tennis
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Version 0 of 1. With its grueling one-on-one battles, tennis is perhaps best categorized as a combat sport, albeit one where punches are thrown from a great distance. The toughest battles of Mardy Fish’s tennis career have been at far closer range: inside himself. Fish, 33, spent time as the highest-ranked American man during a career which took him as high as No7 in the ATP rankings in 2011. He worked tirelessly on his fitness during his late-career rise, transforming his diet and body to become lighter and more agile. But the next year, it was his heart and mind which proved the most difficult to control, as he suffered from heart trouble and anxiety attacks which tangled with one another to ultimately force him off the tour. Fish’s struggles extended far off the court. After withdrawing from the 2012 US Open, a panic-struck Fish broke down as his flight home pulled away from the terminal, and his wife Stacey had to ask the crew to return to the gate so he could get off. Once home on a chartered jet, Fish went long stretches without ever leaving his home. Slowly, Fish managed to gain more control of his life. Last year, he spent time playing semi-pro golf, which he says proved a “coping mechanism”. On Thursday, Fish played an ATP-level match for the first time in more than 18 months. His serve and groundstrokes were honed, but his lack of recent match experience showed on the biggest points. Fish went only 3-for-15 on break points, and could not convert either of the match points he held before losing in a third-set tiebreak to fellow American Ryan Harrison. Fish had practiced for five or six days a week for more than three months to prepare for his comeback, but knew his mental fitness would be just as critical on court. With a black hat pulled low over his eyes, Fish quietly addressed the gathered media after his loss. “I worked extremely hard to put myself in the best position to not have to worry about things when I was out there,” he said. “Because if I was out of shape, or if I didn’t feel well, or if it was going to be a long match or a hot match, or something like that, a lot more things creep into your head.” Despite a loss which he admitted “stings”, Fish had maintained a more positive comportment than he often did earlier in his career. “That’s one of the things that I need to do on the court, is to be pretty even-keeled, and positive,” he said. “I used to be very hard on myself at times – a lot of times, really. It’s something that I have to do. If I don’t, I can get into trouble. It’s something that I’ve worked on with my sports psychologist, what sort of frame I need out there. Obviously, this is uncharted territory for me in the past couple of years.” Fish lost his first-round doubles match as well on Friday, and will next play in Miami in two weeks. Still uncertain about his comfort with long-distance travel and with no ranking to his name, his comeback will be difficult to sustain, no matter his health. But simply by returning to tennis, Fish has already given a new face and voice to the millions who struggle with similar issues, demonstrating that mental illness is in no way a weakness. “It can be beaten,” Fish told the New York Times earlier this week. “It can be conquered. I’m going to try and show people that it’s possible at the highest level.” Fish is not the first professional athlete forced to cope with anxiety issues, though many choose never to make their struggles known. One of the most public incidents came in 2012, when the golfer Charlie Beljan suffered a mid-round panic attack but still managed to win the title later that weekend. NBA players including Larry Sanders and Royce White have also faced high-profile struggles with anxiety disorders, as their teams have grappled with learning how to treat their conditions. Unlike Fish, who as a tennis player is essentially an independent contractor beholden to no one, athletes in team sports are under contract to perform and have owners and teammates relying on their services who often grow frustrated at their inability to keep up with others. For Fish, the journey is more personal, and the reception from his fellow players upon his return has been entirely positive. After his time away, Fish acknowledges there are more unfamiliar faces, estimating he didn’t recognize 30% of the players now. “I guess that Kokkinakis kid has a locker next to me?” he said, referring to the 18-year-old Australian Thanasi Kokkinakis. “I didn’t know him. The only reason I know is because they called his name and then he left, so I just assume that was him. There’s a lot of new blood out here, which is great.” As great as the new infusions are, Fish fighting to be back among them is something even better. |