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Football transfer rumours: Manchester United’s Chris Smalling to Arsenal? Football transfer rumours: Manchester United’s Chris Smalling to Arsenal?
(about 1 hour later)
On Tuesday, the Manchester United defender Phil Jones was in fine form, roaring and gurning in equal measure as he addressed those who have criticised him and his fellow defender Chris Smalling. These are the edited highlights: “We have proved people wrong … people criticising does spur you on … you are always going to get critics,” he howled, before describing the precise body parts necessary for the modern footballer to use in sticking one to the naysayers. “We just take it on the chin, it is water off a duck’s back”. On Tuesday, the Manchester United defender Phil Jones was in fine form, roaring and gurning in equal measure as he addressed those who have criticised him and his fellow defender Chris Smalling. These are the edited highlights: “We have proved people wrong … people criticising does spur you on … you are always going to get critics,” he howled, before describing the precise body parts necessary for the modern footballer to use in sticking one to the naysayers. “We just take it on the chin, it is water off a duck’s back.”
Arsène Wenger has taken note of the fact that Smalling has become used to handling criticism and reckons that makes him the perfect man to shore up Arsenal’s defence, a place where he can put his newfound disparagement-deflection skills to a proper test. He’s readying a £12m bid and is willing to throw in a duck should Smalling need the bird in order to deflect any water that comes his way as a consequence. Meanwhile Chuba Akpom, about whom the Mill has spent a difficult 10 minutes weighing up the merits of a brass instrument/Star Wars wookie pun before bailing out on both, is off to Nottingham Forest on loan for the rest of the season. Arsène Wenger has taken note of the fact that Smalling has become used to handling criticism and reckons that makes him the perfect man to shore up Arsenal’s defence, a place where he can put his newfound disparagement-deflection skills to a proper test. He’s readying a £12m bid and is willing to throw in a duck should Smalling need the bird to deflect any water that comes his way as a consequence.
Meanwhile Chuba Akpom, about whom the Mill has spent a difficult 10 minutes weighing up the merits of a brass instrument/Star Wars wookie pun before bailing out on both, is off to Nottingham Forest on loan for the rest of the season.
That wailing noise in Manchester is the sound of Radamel Falcao having a good sob. Following the news that four goals in 19 appearances is not really good enough to earn him a permanent stay at Old Trafford, the striker has been tearfully phoning his old agent Silviano Espindola. “I am not going to tell you that he feels happy because he isn’t. We speak many times and we cry together,” sniffed Espindola. Joining Falcao in the club’s hot, salty tears department are Jonny Evans and Javier Hernández who are currently in the process of finding their hooks so that they can sling them.That wailing noise in Manchester is the sound of Radamel Falcao having a good sob. Following the news that four goals in 19 appearances is not really good enough to earn him a permanent stay at Old Trafford, the striker has been tearfully phoning his old agent Silviano Espindola. “I am not going to tell you that he feels happy because he isn’t. We speak many times and we cry together,” sniffed Espindola. Joining Falcao in the club’s hot, salty tears department are Jonny Evans and Javier Hernández who are currently in the process of finding their hooks so that they can sling them.
Manchester United were feeling quite chipper about their chances of signing Porto’s full back Danilo from under Real Madrid’s noses last night. The fact that the man in question parped: “I know nothing of any offer from Real Madrid” was a considerable boon to the Old Trafford suits. That he then spoke to Spanish daily AS and said “I’m prepared” and happy to go to Madrid, however, has somewhat blown that out of the water. Manchester United were feeling quite chipper about their chances of signing Porto’s full-back Danilo from under Real Madrid’s noses last night. The fact that the man in question parped “I know nothing of any offer from Real Madrid” was a considerable boon to the Old Trafford suits. That he then spoke to Spanish daily AS and said “I’m prepared” and happy to go to Madrid, however, has somewhat blown that out of the water.
Chelsea’s Petr Cech has removed his helmet and donned a pair of spectacles so that he can better eye the exit door at Stamford Bridge. Should a sack containing £10m be deposited in Roman Abramovich’s bank account, he will be aboard the good ship Do One – destination Arsenal or Real Madrid – by the end of the season. Chelsea, meanwhile, are keeping tabs on the Lazio forward Felipe Anderson, whose recent form has not been hampered by having that aforementioned packet of cigarettes on his head.Chelsea’s Petr Cech has removed his helmet and donned a pair of spectacles so that he can better eye the exit door at Stamford Bridge. Should a sack containing £10m be deposited in Roman Abramovich’s bank account, he will be aboard the good ship Do One – destination Arsenal or Real Madrid – by the end of the season. Chelsea, meanwhile, are keeping tabs on the Lazio forward Felipe Anderson, whose recent form has not been hampered by having that aforementioned packet of cigarettes on his head.
On being handed a large shatterproof ruler, the Everton forward Steven Naismith has refused to rule out the words “return to Rangers” on a big piece of paper in front of him. Although, reading his quotes a little more closely, he actually said: “I’d never rule anything out to be honest,” meaning his rule-based refusal policy is actually a far broader strategy than first thought.On being handed a large shatterproof ruler, the Everton forward Steven Naismith has refused to rule out the words “return to Rangers” on a big piece of paper in front of him. Although, reading his quotes a little more closely, he actually said: “I’d never rule anything out to be honest,” meaning his rule-based refusal policy is actually a far broader strategy than first thought.
And the rest: on loan Southampton defender Toby Alderweireld wants to join Tottenham because he wants to play with Jan Vertonghen again. Hmm. Liverpool’s José Enrique has been swimming with dolphins and, for our money, has been getting a bit too cuddly with them. Finally, Louis van Gaal is at least set to win one thing this season: an award from the Dutch Judo Association of course! And the rest: the on-loan Southampton defender Toby Alderweireld wants to join Tottenham because he wants to play with Jan Vertonghen again. Hmm. Liverpool’s José Enrique has been swimming with dolphins and, for our money, has been getting a bit too cuddly with them. Finally, Louis van Gaal is at least set to win one thing this season: an award from the Dutch Judo Association, of course!