How to stay sane during the robot occupation
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Version 0 of 1. Robot Overlords is set in world where Earth has been invaded by an occupying force of robots from another world. They have one rule: stay inside. Every citizen has an implant in their neck that alerts the robots if you step outside. You get one warning… then you’re vaporised! So how can you stay sane during the long years of the robot occupation? At the beginning of the story our heroes have been stuck inside for over three years, so here are a few tips… 1. Knock the walls through A wet weekend is bad enough, but after three years of incarceration even your own home will feel claustrophobic. So why not carefully remove a few bricks from the walls that adjoin your neighbour’s home to give yourselves a bit of breathing room? Watch out for those supporting walls, though. You don’t want the whole thing to come crashing down. 2. Duct tape There is a catch however. The robots have carefully defined the boundaries between homes, so moving between yours and your neighbour’s house will set off your implant, the penalty for which is losing a day’s rations. So mark out those dividing lines with a bit of duct tape, or whatever bright sticky tape you have to hand! That way you can watch your neighbour’s working television from a sofa that sits on the border in complete confidence (just don’t nod off)… 3. Know your enemy The robots are aided by human collaborators known as the Volunteer Corps — aka the VC — as personified by former Geography teacher Mr Smythe (played by Ben Kingsley in the film). They purport to keep the rations coming, the lights on, the water running etc but they’re exactly the kind of charmless bureaucrats that revel in other people’s misery. But it helps to keep them sweet, as Kate (played by the amazing Gillian Anderson in the movie) discovers when Mr Smythe brings her some extra rations on the side. 4. Swap shop Clothes, books, comics, games, DVDs, box sets: all are hard currency in this new world where your skill level of bartering with your neighbours will mean the difference between enjoying five seasons of Game of Thrones or enduring the old sitcoms that the Robots transmit on a loop to pacify the masses. 5. Rations Someone, somewhere is still growing crops and farming animals under strict robot supervision. Just enough to provide each household with their weekly ration of misshapen vegetables, manky potatoes, unidentifiable brownish meat and unleavened bread. Use herbs and spices sparingly to ensure they last for the whole occupation (the robots have promised to leave after seven years) and, if you can, use old baked bean cans as improvised plant pots to grow your own. 6. Keep track of time There’s no iCal in our robot occupied world, and no-one’s printing diaries or calendars. But there is one tried and tested method of keep track of the days, so be sure to gather a good stack of pens… 7. Loo roll and hygiene No one’s going to need those old copies of The Guardian, or those trashy romance novels, just be sure to keep it to one page per wipe. Vitamins are essential to stave off rickets, so be sure to suck-up to your local VC for whatever they have spare, and use soap sparingly. 8. Exercise Old sofa cushions wrapped in duct tape make an excellent punch bag, and who needs the gym when you have the stairs to run up and down for 30 minutes every day? 9. Make new friends When neighbouring children’s parents are vaporised for defying the robots in a moment of cabin fever, be sure to take them in. Not only will you get extra rations, but you’ll almost certainly be saving the child from a fate worse than death. 10. Go on an epic adventure… Somehow figure how to switch off your implants, sneak out at night and go on an epic adventure whereby you uncover the Robots’ real motives behind your incarceration and confront the creepy humanoid robot, Mediator 452 in a fateful showdown that will decide the fate of humanity… or not. You could just stay in. Robot Overlords by Mark Stay, a tie-in novel of the film Robot Overlords also written by Mark Stay (in partnership with the film’s director director Jon Wright, is available at the Guardian bookshop. It’s not just one of those ‘based on the movie’ kind of books, but written to tie-in with the film, expanding on the story of the movie with additional action and characters. The film version is out this weekend, starring Sir Ben Kingsley, Gillian Anderson and Callan McAuliffe. |