‘Special occasion’ drinking: the 12 times you just have to crack open a bottle

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/25/special-occasion-drinking-bottle-wine

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You know how you’re shocked-cum-shamed when you sort the recycling and see exactly how much booze you’ve drunk? Do you kid yourself that it’s been an unusually big week, or worry that the neighbours/bin men/children/urban foxes will judge you? Well, that’s how the entire country is reacting to the news that Brits down 12m more bottles of wine per week than initially estimated.

Research by the medical journal BMC Medicine has found that surveys measuring typical drinking patterns account for only around 60% of alcohol sold. The discrepancy is thought to occur because most studies ignore “drinking on special occasions”. Once that’s factored in, it adds 120m extra units – equivalent to about 12m bottles of wine – to weekly consumption in England alone. That’s three-quarters of a bottle per drinker, every week. Hic. Here’s a list of 12 occasions – a caseful, if you will – when those extra bottles might get drunk:

1. The overexcited-that-the-sun’s-out bottle

Raised under slate-grey skies, incessant drizzle and buffeting brollies, we Brits get carried away by a spot of sunny weather – immediately changing into our shorts and flip-flops, then easing the cork out of a chilled white or rosé. Well, it’s hydrating.

2. The standing-around-in-the-office bottle

It always seems to be somebody’s birthday or leaving do. A ritual which involves racking your brain to think of something witty to write in their communal card (and failing), followed by some warm wine, beige snacks and even beiger chit-chat in your strip-lit office. One glass turns to three, partly because it’s so soul-sappingly Wernham Hogg-like.

3. The Thursday’s-the-new-Friday bottle

Nearly the end of the week. You deserve it. Pop, glug, glug. Cue slight hangover on Friday.

4. The quiet-night-in bottle

Your partner’s out on a Friday night, so you treat yourself to an indulgent supper and a couple of glasses. Which soon become a bottle because nobody’s counting. But you’re still in bed first, so the moral high ground’s retained.

5. The slaving-over-a-hot-stove bottle

That slow-cooked shin of beef needs a glass of Chianti sloshed into it. That oozy risotto needs half-a-glass of dry white. Well, you’ve opened it now. Better drink the rest. It’s in the same family as …

6. The mercy-killing bottle

This bottle’s half full. Or half-empty, if you’re a pessimist. No point keeping it sitting around. Best polish it off, just to keep on top of fridge tidiness.

7. The yummy mummy lunchy bottle

Meeting a girlfriend for a quick bite after yoga, yeah? Go on then, darling, you’ve twisted my arm. Now let’s get bitchy about one’s husband/nanny/cleaner/the teachers at the little darlings’ school.

8. The stress-related bottle

Had some bad news, a mild shock, annoying meeting or all-round tough day? A glass will take the edge right off. Strictly for medicinal purposes, you see. Ah, that’s better. Maybe just one more, to make sure you’re fully recovered.

9. The still-got-it bottle

This bottle gets opened by 40somethings at 11pm on a Friday, briefly believing they’re still young enough to drink at 11pm. They’ll pay for that rookie error down at the garden centre/supermarket/soft play hellhole tomorrow.

10. The sun’s-over-the-yardarm bottle

Saturday lunch with friends. Sunday afternoon when the in-laws turn up unexpectedly. Be rude not to open a little cheeky something. Also applies at 4pm midweek when you meet a work client and get a tad tipsy because it’s “relationship-building”.

11. The fizz-doesn’t-count bottle

Starting a meal, party or special occasion with some celebratory champagne or prosecco? Don’t mind if we do. Bonus: anything with bubbles doesn’t strictly count as wine. Hey, we don’t make the rules.

12. The bank holiday bottle

There’s something about a three-day weekend which makes us extra-thirsty. Admit it, you’re drinking one right now, aren’t you?