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Shaggy weeds out the wannabes in the war against Isis Shaggy’s right – pop really is our best weapon in the war against terror
(about 1 hour later)
Reggae and weed, weed and reggae – that’s the strategy to defeat Islamic State, according to the reggae star Shaggy.Reggae and weed, weed and reggae – that’s the strategy to defeat Islamic State, according to the reggae star Shaggy.
“If they’re listening to Shaggy music or reggae music, they’re not going to want to cut somebody’s head off,” Shaggy told the Miami New Times this week. “There’re two thing [sic] you want to do when you listen to reggae: You get somebody pregnant, or you’re fucking high. High people don’t want to kill nothing; they want to love. They need to bag some Jamaican weed and distribute it amongst Isis. I guarantee there won’t be any more wars out there.”“If they’re listening to Shaggy music or reggae music, they’re not going to want to cut somebody’s head off,” Shaggy told the Miami New Times this week. “There’re two thing [sic] you want to do when you listen to reggae: You get somebody pregnant, or you’re fucking high. High people don’t want to kill nothing; they want to love. They need to bag some Jamaican weed and distribute it amongst Isis. I guarantee there won’t be any more wars out there.”
Related: Shaggy: Islamic State would pack it in if they listened to reggae and got highRelated: Shaggy: Islamic State would pack it in if they listened to reggae and got high
What Shaggy is essentially suggesting here is that we blast It Wasn’t Me out of repurposed attack helicopters and drop little baggies of marijuana over Syria and then boom: war is over. Truly, he is this generation’s John Lennon.What Shaggy is essentially suggesting here is that we blast It Wasn’t Me out of repurposed attack helicopters and drop little baggies of marijuana over Syria and then boom: war is over. Truly, he is this generation’s John Lennon.
Say what you want about the idea – that it’s stupid, that it’s unworkable, that it hints at a mind corrupted and rendered unusable by the sheer perplexity of being famous in the early-to-mid noughties, at an ego ruined by two decades of people shouting “MR LOVER-LOVER, A-LOVER, MMM” back at him in the street – but at least Shaggy’s doing something. What have you ever done to combat possibly the greatest terror of our time? I bet the answer is: nothing.Say what you want about the idea – that it’s stupid, that it’s unworkable, that it hints at a mind corrupted and rendered unusable by the sheer perplexity of being famous in the early-to-mid noughties, at an ego ruined by two decades of people shouting “MR LOVER-LOVER, A-LOVER, MMM” back at him in the street – but at least Shaggy’s doing something. What have you ever done to combat possibly the greatest terror of our time? I bet the answer is: nothing.
No idea is a bad idea when we’re brainstorming counter-terrorism. Because it’s not like pop artists don’t have form for attempting to solve tricky international problems with their singing-and-dancing expertise. Look at Geldof, with his angry demands for money. Wyclef Jean’s doomed 2010 Haitian presidential bid. Chris Martin doing that thing where he draws on his hands. Geri Halliwell inexplicably being appointed UN Population Fund representative back in 1999. Bez trying to be an MP. If history has taught us anything, it’s that the only real chance for peace and tranquillity in our time is to wrench power away from the suits and give it to our pop stars.No idea is a bad idea when we’re brainstorming counter-terrorism. Because it’s not like pop artists don’t have form for attempting to solve tricky international problems with their singing-and-dancing expertise. Look at Geldof, with his angry demands for money. Wyclef Jean’s doomed 2010 Haitian presidential bid. Chris Martin doing that thing where he draws on his hands. Geri Halliwell inexplicably being appointed UN Population Fund representative back in 1999. Bez trying to be an MP. If history has taught us anything, it’s that the only real chance for peace and tranquillity in our time is to wrench power away from the suits and give it to our pop stars.
To that end, I think it’s time more of our pop idols did a Shaggy, and mucked in to rid the world of despair and general menace. Because if just one teenager listens to Shaggy and decides, “Actually, maybe I won’t join Isis after all. Maybe I’ll sing catchy pop songs about being caught in flagrante on, of all places, a bathroom floor, the place statistically most likely to have piss on it in the whole house” – it will not have been in vain.To that end, I think it’s time more of our pop idols did a Shaggy, and mucked in to rid the world of despair and general menace. Because if just one teenager listens to Shaggy and decides, “Actually, maybe I won’t join Isis after all. Maybe I’ll sing catchy pop songs about being caught in flagrante on, of all places, a bathroom floor, the place statistically most likely to have piss on it in the whole house” – it will not have been in vain.
I’d like to see more pop stars getting on board with Shaggy’s anti-Isis message, getting a bit more proactive. You feel that both Adele and Pitbull would be exceptionally handy in a fight: why have they not been airlifted in to kick seven shades out of Isis in a Syrian alleyway? Jessie J can use her piercing vocal range as a noise weapon, with very little tweaking to her current musical output. Get Rita Ora over there, if only to get her away from us. Send H from Steps in there as part of some sort of peacekeeping envoy.I’d like to see more pop stars getting on board with Shaggy’s anti-Isis message, getting a bit more proactive. You feel that both Adele and Pitbull would be exceptionally handy in a fight: why have they not been airlifted in to kick seven shades out of Isis in a Syrian alleyway? Jessie J can use her piercing vocal range as a noise weapon, with very little tweaking to her current musical output. Get Rita Ora over there, if only to get her away from us. Send H from Steps in there as part of some sort of peacekeeping envoy.
Both Adele and Pitbull would be handy in a fight: why haven't they been airlifted in to kick seven shades out of Isis?Both Adele and Pitbull would be handy in a fight: why haven't they been airlifted in to kick seven shades out of Isis?
Can you imagine being mad enough to start a holy war with H from Steps cheerfully lilting to you about how he and Claire were the real talent in the band? You cannot. You’ve got a rocket launcher in your hand, aimed at the clear blue sky. The sound of helicopters in the distance, hatred in your heart. “Lisa was essentially just a trumped-up dancer,” H from Steps whispers. You put your weapons down.Can you imagine being mad enough to start a holy war with H from Steps cheerfully lilting to you about how he and Claire were the real talent in the band? You cannot. You’ve got a rocket launcher in your hand, aimed at the clear blue sky. The sound of helicopters in the distance, hatred in your heart. “Lisa was essentially just a trumped-up dancer,” H from Steps whispers. You put your weapons down.
Sam Smith, no bandwagon too desperate for him to slide on to, gently and fragilely performs Stay With Me in the middle of a warzone, soldiers from both sides too confused by the fact that his haircut is consistently just a little bit too narrow for his skull to bother firing their weapons any more. And lo, once more pop has saved the day.Sam Smith, no bandwagon too desperate for him to slide on to, gently and fragilely performs Stay With Me in the middle of a warzone, soldiers from both sides too confused by the fact that his haircut is consistently just a little bit too narrow for his skull to bother firing their weapons any more. And lo, once more pop has saved the day.
Music is powerful and pop stars are the conduit for it. Can people get pregnant without reggae? They cannot. Can they get high on Jamaican weed without music? Also no. Can it stop wars? If Shaggy has anything to say about it, yes it can. Thank you, Shaggy, your plan is watertight. Truly, the west is blessed to have you.Music is powerful and pop stars are the conduit for it. Can people get pregnant without reggae? They cannot. Can they get high on Jamaican weed without music? Also no. Can it stop wars? If Shaggy has anything to say about it, yes it can. Thank you, Shaggy, your plan is watertight. Truly, the west is blessed to have you.