This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.

You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jul/09/mothers-nanny-shaming-manhattan-online-advice-babies

The article has changed 2 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.

Version 0 Version 1
These mothers are going nuts for nanny-shaming These mothers are going nuts for nanny-shaming
(about 4 hours later)
I am an online member of a Manhattan new mothers’ group, which mostly entails the sensible exchange of advice about rashes, or when to worry about the nitrates in carrots. Now and then, however, something surfaces to remind one that while new mothers the world over are known to be nuts, in Manhattan it’s a weapons-grade mania.I am an online member of a Manhattan new mothers’ group, which mostly entails the sensible exchange of advice about rashes, or when to worry about the nitrates in carrots. Now and then, however, something surfaces to remind one that while new mothers the world over are known to be nuts, in Manhattan it’s a weapons-grade mania.
Here’s what happens: a mother in the park takes a paparazzi-style shot of a nanny exhibiting “questionable behaviour”. This can be anything from sleeping on duty, to talking on her mobile (phones are a big trigger), to doing something so dreadful the witness can’t bring herself to say what it is – my hunch is smoking – but comes with a message asking anyone who recognises the offender to get in touch.Here’s what happens: a mother in the park takes a paparazzi-style shot of a nanny exhibiting “questionable behaviour”. This can be anything from sleeping on duty, to talking on her mobile (phones are a big trigger), to doing something so dreadful the witness can’t bring herself to say what it is – my hunch is smoking – but comes with a message asking anyone who recognises the offender to get in touch.
This Stasi-like surveillance is so well established that it has its own protocol; when posting a photo on the forum you are supposed to pixellate the child’s face to protect their anonymity. Not so the nanny’s, of course, nor any other nannies who creep into shot, so that a debate will sometimes take off beneath the picture along the lines of “do you mean the Indian woman by the swing, or the black lady in the red top by the slide?” This Stasi-like surveillance is so well established that it has its own protocol: when posting a photo on the forum you are supposed to pixellate the child’s face to protect their anonymity. Not so the nanny’s, of course, nor any other nannies who creep into shot, so that a debate will sometimes take off beneath the picture along the lines of “do you mean the Indian woman by the swing, or the black lady in the red top by the slide?”
The behaviour itself will then be subject to a lot of “ugh, this makes me sick,” back and forth. Occasionally, a distant bell rings in someone’s mind that, given the almost uniform racial and class distinctions between nannies and mothers, the debate might be construed to be vaguely offensive. “How do we know she’s not the child’s grandmother?” someone asked archly during a recent exchange. The behaviour itself will then be subject to a lot of “ugh, this makes me sick”, back and forth. Occasionally, a distant bell rings in someone’s mind that, given the almost uniform racial and class distinctions between nannies and mothers, the debate might be construed to be vaguely offensive. “How do we know she’s not the child’s grandmother?” someone asked archly during a recent exchange.
It goes without saying that, in the event of a child’s caregiver being genuinely abusive, one would want to be tipped off. But that is not what this is. Instead, it’s mostly a form of spying based on assumptions of moral lassitude that have roots in dark places. “Is this a red flag?” members will ask, before sharing a photo or describing a nanny’s behaviour. Yes, it is.It goes without saying that, in the event of a child’s caregiver being genuinely abusive, one would want to be tipped off. But that is not what this is. Instead, it’s mostly a form of spying based on assumptions of moral lassitude that have roots in dark places. “Is this a red flag?” members will ask, before sharing a photo or describing a nanny’s behaviour. Yes, it is.
Better to coast than spinBetter to coast than spin
On the way to the park, I pass a spin studio that advertises its philosophy with the slogan “Never coast”. It’s on the company’s T-shirts and cycling shorts and stencilled in big letters across the window, and every time I see it my spirits sink slightly. There are lots of risible ad slogans around – chief among them from Spanx, with its catchphrase, “Don’t take yourself or the rules too seriously”. (Except when the rules tell you that being fat sucks and you should shove yourself into Lycra casing, like a sausage.)On the way to the park, I pass a spin studio that advertises its philosophy with the slogan “Never coast”. It’s on the company’s T-shirts and cycling shorts and stencilled in big letters across the window, and every time I see it my spirits sink slightly. There are lots of risible ad slogans around – chief among them from Spanx, with its catchphrase, “Don’t take yourself or the rules too seriously”. (Except when the rules tell you that being fat sucks and you should shove yourself into Lycra casing, like a sausage.)
The coasting thing strikes me as particularly wrongheaded. We have coasting to thank for the existence of every book, painting and production more ruminative than a banking bonus. “The slack line catches the biggest fish,” wrote Thomas McGuane in his memoir The Longest Silence. If the spin studio was honest, or inclined to embrace its own ironies, the slogan should clearly be “Burn out”.The coasting thing strikes me as particularly wrongheaded. We have coasting to thank for the existence of every book, painting and production more ruminative than a banking bonus. “The slack line catches the biggest fish,” wrote Thomas McGuane in his memoir The Longest Silence. If the spin studio was honest, or inclined to embrace its own ironies, the slogan should clearly be “Burn out”.
Hollywood’s tired hot plotsHollywood’s tired hot plots
I saw Inside Out last week, the new Pixar movie that in US cinemas is prefaced by a short animated film called Lava. It’s the sweet tale of a lonely volcano, singing for a mate and after millennia eventually finding one – a brand new lady volcano who pops up beside him. It’s only afterwards that one realises how familiar the plot line is; craggy old guy scores hot young woman. As a friend on Facebook points out, even when the characters are made of rocks, it’s “like every other Hollywood movie ever made”. I saw Inside Out last week, a new Pixar movie that in US cinemas is prefaced by a short animated film called Lava. It’s the sweet tale of a lonely volcano, singing for a mate and after millennia eventually finding one – a brand new lady volcano who pops up beside him. It’s only afterwards that one realises how familiar the plot line is; craggy old guy scores hot young woman. As a friend on Facebook points out, even when the characters are made of rocks, it’s “like every other Hollywood movie ever made”.