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Julie Burchill speaks of 'wilderness of loss' after death of son Julie Burchill speaks of 'wilderness of loss' after death of son
(34 minutes later)
The writer Julie Burchill has spoken about the emotional strain of caring for someone with a mental illness after her son killed himself last month.The writer Julie Burchill has spoken about the emotional strain of caring for someone with a mental illness after her son killed himself last month.
In a candid column for the Sunday Times, Burchill said she was in a “wilderness of loss” after her son Jack, 29, was found dead having struggled for years with depression and drug problems.In a candid column for the Sunday Times, Burchill said she was in a “wilderness of loss” after her son Jack, 29, was found dead having struggled for years with depression and drug problems.
“No one who hasn’t been the primary carer of someone with severe mental problems for an extended period, living with them, can begin to imagine what it’s like,” she wrote.“No one who hasn’t been the primary carer of someone with severe mental problems for an extended period, living with them, can begin to imagine what it’s like,” she wrote.
“Yes, it’s true that we should do everything we can to dispel the stigma around mental illness. But no, it’s not the same as nursing someone with a broken leg. You can’t ’catch’ a broken leg. The patient will heal. To be the principal carer of a mentally ill person is to risk your own mental health, too. You can catch it.”“Yes, it’s true that we should do everything we can to dispel the stigma around mental illness. But no, it’s not the same as nursing someone with a broken leg. You can’t ’catch’ a broken leg. The patient will heal. To be the principal carer of a mentally ill person is to risk your own mental health, too. You can catch it.”
The writer and campaigner said her son had spent the past 10 years in a “cycle of hope and despair”, having been on and off anti-depressants since he was checked into the Priory clinic in London aged 19. The writer and campaigner said her son had spent the past 10 years in a “cycle of hope and despair”, having been on and off antidepressants since he was checked into the Priory clinic in London aged 19.
Jack, who was an aspiring musician, was Burchill’s son with her second husband, the writer Cosmo Landesman. She has an older son, Robert, with her first husband, writer Tony Parsons.Jack, who was an aspiring musician, was Burchill’s son with her second husband, the writer Cosmo Landesman. She has an older son, Robert, with her first husband, writer Tony Parsons.
Burchill, 55, said Jack had stopped using anti-depressents after reading “holistic hippie rubbish on the internet” about possible side-effects. At the same time, she said, he was “consuming filthy street drugs by the bucketful”. Burchill, 55, said Jack had stopped using antidepressents after reading “holistic hippie rubbish on the internet” about possible side-effects. At the same time, she said, he was “consuming filthy street drugs by the bucketful”.
She wrote: “In my opinion, people with extreme mental health issues should be forcibly injected with the medication which helps them – screw human rights. How grotesque that the state incessantly nannies and lectures and taxes the non-mad over what they ingest, and lets the insane do as they please!”She wrote: “In my opinion, people with extreme mental health issues should be forcibly injected with the medication which helps them – screw human rights. How grotesque that the state incessantly nannies and lectures and taxes the non-mad over what they ingest, and lets the insane do as they please!”
Burchill, who divorced Jack’s father when he was nine, said she had not seen her son for a year before he died. Last year, she said, he had written a statement about his feelings at the request of his father, showing his “fierce intelligence – and his even fiercer desire for death”.Burchill, who divorced Jack’s father when he was nine, said she had not seen her son for a year before he died. Last year, she said, he had written a statement about his feelings at the request of his father, showing his “fierce intelligence – and his even fiercer desire for death”.
“In attempting to distance ourselves from Bedlam, we make the mistake of painting people with mental illness as some sort of generic legion of strong, brave saints pushed too far,” she wrote. “But they can be monsters, every bit as much as the well except we’re not allowed to call them on it! “In attempting to distance ourselves from Bedlam, we make the mistake of painting people with mental illness as some sort of generic legion of strong, brave saints pushed too far,” she wrote. “But they can be monsters, every bit as much as the well except we’re not allowed to call them on it!
“My precious son, who once would regularly come home hungry, having given his lunch money to homeless people, now would say of the 7/7 attacks: ‘There’s something really cool about the randomness of it.’ It was his illness talking, but it was no less upsetting to hear.”“My precious son, who once would regularly come home hungry, having given his lunch money to homeless people, now would say of the 7/7 attacks: ‘There’s something really cool about the randomness of it.’ It was his illness talking, but it was no less upsetting to hear.”
The Sunday Times said Burchill’s fee for the column would be donated to the charities Calm, which works to prevent male suicide, and Sobs, which helps the bereaved.The Sunday Times said Burchill’s fee for the column would be donated to the charities Calm, which works to prevent male suicide, and Sobs, which helps the bereaved.
Her column ended: “My son has passed his pain on to me, and I am grateful for it. It is all I have left of him, so of course I will hold tight to it as we all trudge on, the living and the dead together forever, a socialism of souls.Her column ended: “My son has passed his pain on to me, and I am grateful for it. It is all I have left of him, so of course I will hold tight to it as we all trudge on, the living and the dead together forever, a socialism of souls.
“You can sleep now, little bear, and when you wake up, I’ll tell you once more how much I love you, and you will pat my head and say, ‘Likewise. But did you have to show off so much when I died? Those prayers? That Facebook stuff? That Sunday Times Magazine piece? Cringe!’.”“You can sleep now, little bear, and when you wake up, I’ll tell you once more how much I love you, and you will pat my head and say, ‘Likewise. But did you have to show off so much when I died? Those prayers? That Facebook stuff? That Sunday Times Magazine piece? Cringe!’.”
• In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 08457 90 90 90.• In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 08457 90 90 90.
• In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.• In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.
• In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here.• In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here.