Sibling rivalry? The Milibands could learn a lot from the Williams sisters
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Version 0 of 1. At certain points in my life, I have thought that having no birthday party at all would be preferable to having one with my younger siblings in attendance. Once, I was so determined to keep my younger sisters away from the festivities that I lured them into the spare room, then dragged a fairly heavy wicker laundry hamper in front of the door and filled it with Beanie Babies in order to stop them from upstaging me and spoiling my grown-up fun. This behaviour was barely excusable when I had just turned nine – but some people believe that David Miliband is capable of it as a 50-year-old. The elder Miliband brother hit this birthday milestone last week and marked the occasion by throwing a party at The Rotunda – a smart London restaurant that may or may not do the best jelly and ice-cream north of the river. Related: The Miliband days are over. So was the brothers’ epic battle worth it? | Mehdi Hasan Guests included Dame Tessa Jowell and Douglas Alexander – but where was his brother Ed? The former Labour leader was spotted three miles away watching the cricket at Lords, leading observers to wonder whether the brothers still haven’t healed their rift after going head-to-head for the same job in 2010. For all we know, Ed planned to attend the dinner afterwards, only to be thwarted by an Uber surge or a confused driver who ended up dropping him off at the KFC in Elephant and Castle. Or the brothers decided that they couldn’t have a proper chat at a busy dinner, and they’re planning a fraternal celebratory trip to Go Ape. But there’s still a lingering theory that David and Ed are simply too competitive to be friends – and when a first-born is bested by his younger brother, even the most Waltons-style set-up will go a bit Cain and Abel. As the eldest of six smart, beautiful, talented women, I have some sympathy for David. Like the elder Miliband (who has a successful political and professional career), I think I’m allowed to be proud of my achievements. I’m making a living as a freelance writer, I keep my flat fairly clean and tidy, I pay my bills on time and I make a pretty good risotto. But my sisters are seriously grown-up. One is a naval lecturer, another is a physics teacher who owns her own house, the others have impressive degree results in subjects much more serious than mine. Comparison is the thief of joy, and if I spend too much time looking at the successes of my sisters in the context of my own failures, I definitely don’t want to give them any birthday cake. When we were younger, their triumphs were especially painful, and I still wince every time I recall a parent or teacher saying: “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” But as an adult, outside of the family home, I feel increasing pride and delight in their accomplishments. It thrills me to watch them making their way in the world, and if they wanted to try journalism I’d encourage them – even if that made them better than me. This summer Serena Williams’s on-court performance has been dazzling, and she’s undoubtedly one of the best athletes in the world. Serena’s sister Venus is a little bit like David Miliband, and me – an elder sibling who has been outshone by a younger relative with astonishing skill and flair. But Venus has been seen supporting Serena from the stands. In her book On the Line, Serena writes about dealing with the competitive nature of their relationship, explaining “the moment we shake hands and we’re done with the match, we’re sisters”. Critics and gossips have been keen to look for instances of sibling rivalry between the pair, but both are keen to emphasise that having the good fortune to have a world-class tennis playing sister simply makes their own game better. “I’m always happy for Venus, and she’s always happy for me,” says Serena. Venus echoes her sister’s sentiments, telling People magazine that the positivity goes both ways. “‘From the very beginning she has inspired me. This was a long time ago, before she won the majors – her heart on the court and her ability to perform under the most pressure … It’s a special quality that not a lot of people have,” she explains. Similarly, watching Andy Murray partner big brother Jamie in the Davis Cup reminds us that when a sibling relationship is strong, it’s unbeatable. Siblings are the ones who understand the thinking behind your victories as well as knowing all your weak points Siblings are the ones who understand the thinking behind your victories as well as knowing all your weak points. Competing with a brother or sister is probably more dangerous than going up against any other rival, because siblings are the only ones who can get straight inside your head. Perhaps the rumoured Miliband rivalry is especially hard for both brothers to bear because they know each other so intimately. Both men grew up sharing political passions in a household where socialism loomed large. Both promised to support each other as their second voting preference in the leadership campaign. It was always a contest between the two brothers, and the other candidates are barely remembered as contenders. Perhaps for David there is some small comfort to be taken in knowing that the only opponent worthy of him was the one who had grown up watching him and learning from him. However, as saccharine as it might sound, when you have the love and support of a sibling behind you, any achievement or ambition is within grasp. If you’re close to talented team-mates who want the best for you, you’re forced to raise your game. I suspect Venus occasionally envies Serena – but that jealousy is swallowed up by the sense of pride she feels in being the one to help her sister reach her full potential. I might never “beat” my sisters, but I’m proud to be part of their team and determined to help them become the very best women they can be. |