I am from Iraq. I am a feminist. Why is it so hard for people to understand?

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jul/31/iraq-feminist-hard-to-understand

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The most annoying question I’ve ever been asked is one I’m asked all the time: “How in the world did your parents approve?”

I never answer this question, I just stare and watch the reaction unfold. Sometimes the people who ask this question say: “Oh, you’re not like the others!”

I cringe, this is not the reaction I have hoped for but it is the most common one. Put simply, I am a female who is Middle Eastern. I was born and raised in Iraq and now live in Australia. For some reason, people can’t seem to understand how my parents “allowed” me to spend a month in United States with 20 strangers, or will “allow” me to live in Colombia for a year. Or even travel within Australia alone.

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I have never given this question much thought. Although my parents naturally worry (and over-worry) about me travelling, they have never stopped me from doing the things I want to do. People often assume (and this frustrates me to no end) that I come from an oppressive culture where my decisions are restricted. But I can’t remember a time my father has said no to me concerning the decisions I make about my own life. I’ve heard people say they think my father is not happy with the degree I chose to study. Quite the contrary, he was the one who encouraged me to pursue my passion for journalism.

I was born in a household of strong feminists. My aunts, my grandmothers and both of my parents have always encouraged me and reminded me that whatever challenge comes my way, I should never be led astray, I should never be discouraged and most importantly, I should never give up. They taught me that my consent and my say-so in matters that affect me should be exercised every day.

“No one can make you do what you don’t want to do and no one can stop you from doing what you want to do,” my grandmother always said.

My grandmother is the most acclaimed and respected actress in Iraq. In a career that spanned over 40 years, she shaped the female role in both theatre and television in Iraq. She was the first Mandaean actress in history. Mandaeanism is an ancient and a minority religion that resides in Iraq and Iran, to which we belong.

My own mother is the first female president of the largest Mandaean association in Australia or anywhere in the world.

One of my aunts still lives in Iraq, very determined to finish her doctorate in veterinary science. Once she had her mind set on it, not war and certainly not the terrorist group Islamic State (Isis) could stop her.

My other aunt caught polio in her early years and despite not being allowed to attend school due to her disability, she was self-taught all the way from primary to tertiary education. She became educated in business from her brothers, engineering from one sister and science from another sister. She was also the most popular cook in town and had her mind set that one day she was going to marry. And indeed, she did.

Those women showed me that being too ambitious is not wrong, that being headstrong doesn’t mean you’re rude to others and that rejections should not discourage you but motivate you to aim higher.

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Living my life here in Australia, I thought the gender stereotype faced by Middle Eastern women would be easier but believe it or not, it isn’t.

So what do I do? How do I defy the stereotypes I’m subjected to? Answer to their judgments? Explain myself? No, I just keep going. Being who I am, doing what I want to do and helping other women is exactly how I defy gender and cultural stereotypes. Because if there’s one thing I learnt from my family, it is that we don’t stop to answer to anyone or explain ourselves because we really don’t need to. After all, why should we?

When I gradated from high school a few years ago, my friends and I were excited to venture on a new journey and work hard to create the life we wanted. One particular teacher snickered behind our backs and made no effort to conceal her scepticism, strongly believing we would be married and homebound by the end of that year. I didn’t confront her, not at all, instead I told her of my ambitions.

You see, gender stereotypes are there to make you afraid and through fear, they can stop you. You can’t argue that you’re not afraid, you need to show you’re not. And when you’re not afraid and you feel the confidence that comes with that, then you know you’re on the right track.