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| How I stopped worrying and learned to love summer holidays with the kids | How I stopped worrying and learned to love summer holidays with the kids |
| (1 day later) | |
| A few weeks ago, if you’d asked me to pick a word to express my feelings about the impending summer holidays, I would have had no hesitation: dread. Last summer was beyond a nightmare. I was settling into a new job, and we decided to move house too. This was in the middle of August, so for the entire duration of the move – the endless paperwork, the packing, the actual moving and the unpacking – we had no regular childcare at all for our two kids, who were then four and just-turned-two. | A few weeks ago, if you’d asked me to pick a word to express my feelings about the impending summer holidays, I would have had no hesitation: dread. Last summer was beyond a nightmare. I was settling into a new job, and we decided to move house too. This was in the middle of August, so for the entire duration of the move – the endless paperwork, the packing, the actual moving and the unpacking – we had no regular childcare at all for our two kids, who were then four and just-turned-two. |
| The trauma was such that I have retained only a few scattered memories – the moment the removal guy turned up with a van that was half the size it should have been, for example; the time I full-on cried in front of the gas man. What I do know is that by September my partner and I were physically and emotionally broken. The day I dropped my older son off for his first day at school I wept hot tears of joy. | The trauma was such that I have retained only a few scattered memories – the moment the removal guy turned up with a van that was half the size it should have been, for example; the time I full-on cried in front of the gas man. What I do know is that by September my partner and I were physically and emotionally broken. The day I dropped my older son off for his first day at school I wept hot tears of joy. |
| Related: Save your holiday – leave your running shoes at home | Carl Cederström | |
| Rationally, I could see that this year was unlikely to be as bad. But even so, when I thought about the six childcare-free weeks stretching all the way to autumn, I would experience an unpleasant little bump in my heart-rate. Just after the Easter holidays, I started to tentatively bring up the subject with other parents, just to see if I was alone in my freakish anxiety. I wasn’t. | Rationally, I could see that this year was unlikely to be as bad. But even so, when I thought about the six childcare-free weeks stretching all the way to autumn, I would experience an unpleasant little bump in my heart-rate. Just after the Easter holidays, I started to tentatively bring up the subject with other parents, just to see if I was alone in my freakish anxiety. I wasn’t. |
| “I’ve already planned it all,” one mum told me in about April. Was I imagining it, or did she have a strange, hunted look in her eyes? “My strategy is to book in at least one activity every day.” | “I’ve already planned it all,” one mum told me in about April. Was I imagining it, or did she have a strange, hunted look in her eyes? “My strategy is to book in at least one activity every day.” |
| Holy cow. It hadn’t occurred to me that people would have every single day of the holidays scheduled months in advance. But the more I asked, the more it appeared they really did. | Holy cow. It hadn’t occurred to me that people would have every single day of the holidays scheduled months in advance. But the more I asked, the more it appeared they really did. |
| By the time the holidays started a week-and-a-half ago, I had booked five half-hour swimming lessons. And that was it | |
| “We’ve got a wall chart,” revealed one otherwise relatively sane friend. “It has colour coding.” | “We’ve got a wall chart,” revealed one otherwise relatively sane friend. “It has colour coding.” |
| These conversations, as you would expect, did not really improve my state of mind. I started to spend evenings feverishly browsing the websites of companies promising ever more elaborate holiday activities. Would it be mean to book the eldest in for his cheap and cheerful school holiday club? Or should I shell out £27 – £27! – for Nerf wars and paintballing? How about if I pack the youngest off to a “make a robot” session, despite the fact that the potty training is still a little hit and miss? | |
| The problem was, it seemed as if the more I tried to plan ahead, the more paralysed with fear and indecision I became. By the time the holidays actually started a week and a half ago, I had booked five half-hour swimming lessons. And that was it. | The problem was, it seemed as if the more I tried to plan ahead, the more paralysed with fear and indecision I became. By the time the holidays actually started a week and a half ago, I had booked five half-hour swimming lessons. And that was it. |
| So for us, the summer holidays are pretty much a blank slate. And the funny thing is, thus far … it’s been brilliant fun. My days at home with the kids have felt oddly decadent: we knock around until late morning in our pyjamas; we watch cartoons. We went camping with some friends for the first weekend and canoed down a river in the pouring rain, before warming up with hot chocolate. | So for us, the summer holidays are pretty much a blank slate. And the funny thing is, thus far … it’s been brilliant fun. My days at home with the kids have felt oddly decadent: we knock around until late morning in our pyjamas; we watch cartoons. We went camping with some friends for the first weekend and canoed down a river in the pouring rain, before warming up with hot chocolate. |
| Yes, they constantly attack one another, both physically and verbally. Sure, my role combines the delicacy of a United Nations peace negotiator with the physicality of a referee in a wrestling match. But they’ve also started to develop special games that only the two of them understand; games that take a while to unfurl, over the course of many lazy, unscheduled days. | |
| I remember that, as a child, the summer holidays always felt like a time of transformation: the person who went back to school in September was quite different to the one who left in July. (Think of all the films and books about growing up that take place over the course of one long, hot summer.) | I remember that, as a child, the summer holidays always felt like a time of transformation: the person who went back to school in September was quite different to the one who left in July. (Think of all the films and books about growing up that take place over the course of one long, hot summer.) |
| Perhaps it’s not so different for parents. For these six weeks, we let go – willingly or otherwise – of some of the routines that we rely on to hold our lives together. And in doing so, we may realise that we don’t need them quite so much, after all. | Perhaps it’s not so different for parents. For these six weeks, we let go – willingly or otherwise – of some of the routines that we rely on to hold our lives together. And in doing so, we may realise that we don’t need them quite so much, after all. |
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