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Don’t worry, Donald Trump won’t win. But I’ll sure miss him when he’s gone Don’t worry, Donald Trump won’t win. But I’ll sure miss him when he’s gone
(about 2 hours later)
He’s a divisive figure whose sudden surge in popularity has caused much head-scratching and hand-wringing from initially sceptical media that now cover his doings far more than those of his competitors. To his fans, he is the outsider, one untouched by political corruption, a man who tells it like it is. I speak, of course, of Donald Trump, America’s answer to Jeremy Corbyn. After all, “he tells it like it is” is invariably voter-speak for “he says what I want to hear”, and that is as true of Trump’s fans as it is of Corbynites.He’s a divisive figure whose sudden surge in popularity has caused much head-scratching and hand-wringing from initially sceptical media that now cover his doings far more than those of his competitors. To his fans, he is the outsider, one untouched by political corruption, a man who tells it like it is. I speak, of course, of Donald Trump, America’s answer to Jeremy Corbyn. After all, “he tells it like it is” is invariably voter-speak for “he says what I want to hear”, and that is as true of Trump’s fans as it is of Corbynites.
Can we please talk about Trump? Like, for ever? I realise that in Britain the people are tying themselves up into knots over whether a bearded lefty is just too beardy for the Labour party – but look west, Britons! Let some fun into your lives!Can we please talk about Trump? Like, for ever? I realise that in Britain the people are tying themselves up into knots over whether a bearded lefty is just too beardy for the Labour party – but look west, Britons! Let some fun into your lives!
Related: Donald Trump to take center stage at Republican primary debateRelated: Donald Trump to take center stage at Republican primary debate
The first Republican primary debate takes place on Thursday, and will feature three Snow Whites (the Fox News hosts chairing the event) and the 10 dwarves: Shouty (Trump), Sonny (Jeb Bush), Nasty (Scott Walker), Folksy (Mike Huckabee), Angry (Ben Carson), Dopey (Ted Cruz), Sonny 2 (Rand Paul), Sweaty (Marco Rubio), Fighty (Chris Christie) and Wotsisname (John Kasich). Big Brother commissioning editors would no doubt look at some of these people and think: “Nah, we can’t put him on our show – he’s just too ridiculous. Someone put a call in to Biggins, yeah?”The first Republican primary debate takes place on Thursday, and will feature three Snow Whites (the Fox News hosts chairing the event) and the 10 dwarves: Shouty (Trump), Sonny (Jeb Bush), Nasty (Scott Walker), Folksy (Mike Huckabee), Angry (Ben Carson), Dopey (Ted Cruz), Sonny 2 (Rand Paul), Sweaty (Marco Rubio), Fighty (Chris Christie) and Wotsisname (John Kasich). Big Brother commissioning editors would no doubt look at some of these people and think: “Nah, we can’t put him on our show – he’s just too ridiculous. Someone put a call in to Biggins, yeah?”
But our business today is Trump, the man who was made for and partly by reality TV, and he is here to tell you that he embodies the American dream, thanks to the wealth that he inherited from his father. Last month John McCain said that Trump had “fired up the crazies”, and how right he was, although he might not have realised that the crazies in question are not the voters but the other GOP presidential contenders.But our business today is Trump, the man who was made for and partly by reality TV, and he is here to tell you that he embodies the American dream, thanks to the wealth that he inherited from his father. Last month John McCain said that Trump had “fired up the crazies”, and how right he was, although he might not have realised that the crazies in question are not the voters but the other GOP presidential contenders.
Jon Stewart recently suggested that the Republican party must be thrilled by Trump’s presence because it makes the rest of them look sane. But perhaps Stewart’s imminent departure from The Daily Show has dulled his political acumen, because the actual effect has been to make Trump’s competitors try to behave even more stupidly than him. Seeing as we’re talking about Trump here, that takes some doing, but they’re giving it a good ol’ try.Jon Stewart recently suggested that the Republican party must be thrilled by Trump’s presence because it makes the rest of them look sane. But perhaps Stewart’s imminent departure from The Daily Show has dulled his political acumen, because the actual effect has been to make Trump’s competitors try to behave even more stupidly than him. Seeing as we’re talking about Trump here, that takes some doing, but they’re giving it a good ol’ try.
So we the American people have recently been blessed with videos in which the various candidates demonstrate their machismo (Latin for “idiocy”). Lindsey Graham smashed up his mobile phone to some classical music, proving that while he might behave like a fool, at least his iTunes is highbrow. Rand Paul burned, shredded and chainsawed the tax code. Ted Cruz showed that Americans use guns for more activities than shooting African-Americans – we also make bacon with them! Chris Christie was asked by CNN: “Who, on a national level, deserves a punch in the face?” Instead of seeing this question as implied criticism of his bully-boy nature, Christie eagerly replied “the national teachers’ union”. Who needs to talk about boring policies any more when you can just release a video of you doing something stupid, and pray that it goes viral?So we the American people have recently been blessed with videos in which the various candidates demonstrate their machismo (Latin for “idiocy”). Lindsey Graham smashed up his mobile phone to some classical music, proving that while he might behave like a fool, at least his iTunes is highbrow. Rand Paul burned, shredded and chainsawed the tax code. Ted Cruz showed that Americans use guns for more activities than shooting African-Americans – we also make bacon with them! Chris Christie was asked by CNN: “Who, on a national level, deserves a punch in the face?” Instead of seeing this question as implied criticism of his bully-boy nature, Christie eagerly replied “the national teachers’ union”. Who needs to talk about boring policies any more when you can just release a video of you doing something stupid, and pray that it goes viral?
But what else can these folks do? They can’t dent Trump’s current popularity – even Trump can’t hurt it, no matter what comes out of his mouth. Heck, even as the world went into mass mourning over Cecil the lion last week, the revelation that Trump’s sons hunt big game didn’t touch him. Not even Cecil the lion can affect him! Trump’s popularity among Republican voters is currently at 26%, more than the second- and third-placed candidates combined (respectively, Jeb Bush at 12% and Scott Walker at 11%).But what else can these folks do? They can’t dent Trump’s current popularity – even Trump can’t hurt it, no matter what comes out of his mouth. Heck, even as the world went into mass mourning over Cecil the lion last week, the revelation that Trump’s sons hunt big game didn’t touch him. Not even Cecil the lion can affect him! Trump’s popularity among Republican voters is currently at 26%, more than the second- and third-placed candidates combined (respectively, Jeb Bush at 12% and Scott Walker at 11%).
Some parts of the American media have tried to undermine this with gotcha pieces showing how Trump’s views have, to use the political euphemism, evolved over years. But we are dealing with a man who, last Saturday, announced that John McCain is “not a war hero” and by Monday was insisting that he’d never said that, despite TV evidence to the contrary. Do you really think an altered view on healthcare over a 15-year period is going to embarrass him? Some parts of the American media have tried to undermine this with gotcha pieces showing how Trump’s views have, to use the political euphemism, evolved over years. But we are dealing with a man who on a Saturday announced that John McCain is “not a war hero” and by Monday was insisting that he’d never said that, despite TV evidence to the contrary. Do you really think an altered view on healthcare over a 15-year period is going to embarrass him?
Who are these people who love Trump, a man who in 2011 unironically gave an interview to Hello! magazine in his 126-room Palm Beach weekend home about how America is broken? No one knows. “Republican support for Donald Trump just continues to grow with no clear sense of who his constituency really is,” Patrick Murray of the Monmouth University Polling Institute has said.Who are these people who love Trump, a man who in 2011 unironically gave an interview to Hello! magazine in his 126-room Palm Beach weekend home about how America is broken? No one knows. “Republican support for Donald Trump just continues to grow with no clear sense of who his constituency really is,” Patrick Murray of the Monmouth University Polling Institute has said.
Chris Rock once said that Americans confuse wealth with intelligence. There may be a little of that here. But it more likely reflects a country bored with the usual political rigmarole, from fundraising to the sheer interminable length of the campaign. One of the very few coherent arguments Trump has made is that his campaign won’t be dependent on rich benefactors. “I wish good luck to all of the Republican candidates that travelled to California to beg for money etc from the Koch Brothers. Puppets?” he tweeted on Monday. Chris Rock once said that Americans confuse wealth with intelligence. There may be a little of that here. But it more likely reflects a country bored with the usual political rigmarole, from fundraising to the sheer interminable length of the campaign. One of the very few coherent arguments Trump has made is that his campaign won’t be dependent on rich benefactors. “I wish good luck to all of the Republican candidates that travelled to California to beg for money etc from the Koch Brothers. Puppets?” he tweeted on Monday.
And he added on Wednesday: “Many of Hillary’s donors are the same donors as Jeb Bush’s – all rich, will have total control – know them well.” And Trump knows how that game works better than most, seeing as he has given money to certain familiar names in the past: $350,000 to Christie, $10,000 to Walker, $2,500 to Huckabee, a fundraiser for Bush, and “thousands” to Paul. It says something about the American political system that a blustering billionaire can look like the plain-speaking Marxist outsider. And he added on Wednesday: “Many of Hillary’s donors are the same donors as Jeb Bush’s – all rich, will have total control – know them well.” And Trump knows how that game works better than most, seeing as he has given money to certain familiar names in the past: $350,000 to Christie, $10,000 to Walker, $2,500 to Huckabee, a fundraiser for Bush, and “thousands” to Paul. It says something about the American political system that a blustering billionaire can look like the plain-speaking Marxist outsider.
Trump’s success now might seem baffling, and terrifying, but this is par for the course at this early stage of the Republican campaign. Candidates such as Rudy Giuliani and Michele Bachmann enjoyed similar premature glory, and how did they work out? But, by God, Trump has made the race more fun than any of those losers. Certainly the unleashed Trump appeals to America’s basest id, as he always has.Trump’s success now might seem baffling, and terrifying, but this is par for the course at this early stage of the Republican campaign. Candidates such as Rudy Giuliani and Michele Bachmann enjoyed similar premature glory, and how did they work out? But, by God, Trump has made the race more fun than any of those losers. Certainly the unleashed Trump appeals to America’s basest id, as he always has.
He won’t win, don’t worry. But as an Onion headline put it about Trump: “Admit it, you people want to see how far this goes, don’t you?” – to which the answer, after a skating glance at Walker and Bush, is: “Oh yes, please – Trump me up.” He may not actually tell it like it is, but he always says it Trumpishly. I never thought I’d say this – but I’ll miss that guy when he’s gone.He won’t win, don’t worry. But as an Onion headline put it about Trump: “Admit it, you people want to see how far this goes, don’t you?” – to which the answer, after a skating glance at Walker and Bush, is: “Oh yes, please – Trump me up.” He may not actually tell it like it is, but he always says it Trumpishly. I never thought I’d say this – but I’ll miss that guy when he’s gone.