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| Now that Jennifer Aniston is married, what will the tabloids do? | Now that Jennifer Aniston is married, what will the tabloids do? |
| (about 14 hours later) | |
| Do you hear that? That’s the collective sigh of relief from fans across the globe that their favorite member of the Celebrity Lonely Hearts Club is finally wed. | Do you hear that? That’s the collective sigh of relief from fans across the globe that their favorite member of the Celebrity Lonely Hearts Club is finally wed. |
| And do you hear that? That’s the collective cry of agony from tabloid editors across the globe, because they can no longer mindlessly churn out stories on their favorite member of the Celebrity Lonely Hearts Club’s enduring unwedded melancholy. | And do you hear that? That’s the collective cry of agony from tabloid editors across the globe, because they can no longer mindlessly churn out stories on their favorite member of the Celebrity Lonely Hearts Club’s enduring unwedded melancholy. |
| Whatever are we all to do now that Jennifer Aniston is – at last – married again? | Whatever are we all to do now that Jennifer Aniston is – at last – married again? |
| Related: The Trump effect: immigration remarks push GOP contenders sharply right | Related: The Trump effect: immigration remarks push GOP contenders sharply right |
| Ever since her separation and subsequent divorce from Brad Pitt in 2005, Aniston has spent the past decade as a fixture of celebrity journalism. “Team Aniston” and “Team Jolie” T-shirts functioned as a modern-day Rorschach test, revealing wearers’ subconscious through their preference Pitt paramours. | Ever since her separation and subsequent divorce from Brad Pitt in 2005, Aniston has spent the past decade as a fixture of celebrity journalism. “Team Aniston” and “Team Jolie” T-shirts functioned as a modern-day Rorschach test, revealing wearers’ subconscious through their preference Pitt paramours. |
| Magazine covers begged us to please please please not worry about Jen – a sign that we should of course be worrying. After all, the agreed-upon message went, what could possibly be more worrisome – nay, tragic – than a Hollywood star who transitioned from a ubiquitous sitcom character to a big-screen romantic comedy staple to a critically acclaimed serious Actor, with a capital A, of gritty independent dramas... but remained single. Despite earning an estimated $31m a year, her life was clearly meaningless as poor Jen was all alone. | Magazine covers begged us to please please please not worry about Jen – a sign that we should of course be worrying. After all, the agreed-upon message went, what could possibly be more worrisome – nay, tragic – than a Hollywood star who transitioned from a ubiquitous sitcom character to a big-screen romantic comedy staple to a critically acclaimed serious Actor, with a capital A, of gritty independent dramas... but remained single. Despite earning an estimated $31m a year, her life was clearly meaningless as poor Jen was all alone. |
| Though technically – she wasn’t always alone. Previously paired with everyone from former Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz to The Break-Up (oh, the irony) co-star Vince Vaughn, these relationships were watched over with baited breath for any indication that they might turn into the only thing that matters – marriage. The point was bellowed most boldly ever since Aniston began her relationship to her husband as of Wednesday night, actor Justin Theroux. Though the two have been linked together since 2011 and living together in a Bel Air mansion they jointly purchased in 2012, it was never enough to re-brand Jilted Jen. Without a ring on her finger, we were asked to believe that a heavy perfume of Living Proof hair products and sadness followed after her everywhere she went. | Though technically – she wasn’t always alone. Previously paired with everyone from former Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz to The Break-Up (oh, the irony) co-star Vince Vaughn, these relationships were watched over with baited breath for any indication that they might turn into the only thing that matters – marriage. The point was bellowed most boldly ever since Aniston began her relationship to her husband as of Wednesday night, actor Justin Theroux. Though the two have been linked together since 2011 and living together in a Bel Air mansion they jointly purchased in 2012, it was never enough to re-brand Jilted Jen. Without a ring on her finger, we were asked to believe that a heavy perfume of Living Proof hair products and sadness followed after her everywhere she went. |
| And so after the air clears and the newlyweds inevitably smile together for a People magazine exclusive cover story, replete with official wedding photos, and knock-off versions of whatever dress Aniston wore graces the backs of brides everywhere, one lingering question remains: what now? | And so after the air clears and the newlyweds inevitably smile together for a People magazine exclusive cover story, replete with official wedding photos, and knock-off versions of whatever dress Aniston wore graces the backs of brides everywhere, one lingering question remains: what now? |
| What use will the public and the media have for a star who has been forcibly made to fit an unrelenting archetype of Sad Single for the past 10 years? What happens when a woman whose public identity has never been allowed to be anything but her divorcee status (and her made-for-TV hairstyle) seemingly achieves the popular wish fulfillment fantasy of becoming a happy housewife – and thus, perhaps, ceases to exist as the woman worthy of constant attention? The focus will now surely shift to Aniston’s childlessness: she’s married but not a mom – the tragedy continues. | What use will the public and the media have for a star who has been forcibly made to fit an unrelenting archetype of Sad Single for the past 10 years? What happens when a woman whose public identity has never been allowed to be anything but her divorcee status (and her made-for-TV hairstyle) seemingly achieves the popular wish fulfillment fantasy of becoming a happy housewife – and thus, perhaps, ceases to exist as the woman worthy of constant attention? The focus will now surely shift to Aniston’s childlessness: she’s married but not a mom – the tragedy continues. |
| It remains to be seen how both her tabloid-reading public and the media take to an Aniston who has seemingly become both more conventional and more radical overnight. Because while, phew, at least she’s finally married, the masses may be reluctant to let go of their desire to see a successful and independent woman like Aniston as anything but suffering in silence for failing to conform with popular notions of what happens when women are jilted. | |
| In marrying, Aniston thwarts the belief that a woman, divorced and long-unwed, is forever sealed to such a fate. Aniston’s marriage is Trojan horse-proof that – gasp – a woman can make her own happiness on her own time, personally and professionally. Because most revolutionary of all is the fact that, somehow, Aniston remains the same woman today as she was yesterday – partnered, successful and floating above the fray. | In marrying, Aniston thwarts the belief that a woman, divorced and long-unwed, is forever sealed to such a fate. Aniston’s marriage is Trojan horse-proof that – gasp – a woman can make her own happiness on her own time, personally and professionally. Because most revolutionary of all is the fact that, somehow, Aniston remains the same woman today as she was yesterday – partnered, successful and floating above the fray. |