'I don't have to look up to anyone' – how to think like a South African schoolgirl

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/aug/13/south-africa-womens-day-soweto-bic

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Every August, South Africa marks the moment in 1956 when 20,000 women marched against apartheid laws restricting the movement of black people.

It’s an annual cause for celebration, but this year one company managed to miss the mark with what it took to be an “empowering” message to women: “Look like a girl. Act like a lady. Think like a man. Work like a boss”.

Related: 'Look like a girl … think like a man': Bic causes outrage on national women's day

The advert for Bic pens was criticised for being misogynistic and insulting, and was particularly distasteful in a country where women are six times more likely to be killed by a partner than the global average and more likely to be unemployed and underpaid than men, according to a study by the South African Institute of Race Relations.

In a different sort of celebration of South African women, three pupils from Siyabonga secondary school in Soweto discuss what it’s like to be female in the country today, and how life has changed from their parents’ generation.

Kagiso Moyo, 17

Before, girls listened to their parents who told them: “You are not supposed to be what a man is. You are supposed to be a mother and all of that.” But right now we get the chance to be anything that we want. A guy can be a firefighter, and I, as woman, can be a firefighter [too].

I want to be a mother, yet I want to be a teacher, yet I want to be a journalist

There are still lots of challenges facing women today. If you say only 30% of judges are women, but the good part is that 30% can encourage others. From 30%, it can increase. That’s why they’re busy giving us the opportunity to be whatever we want.

Another problem is that a lot of girls date [boys] because they think that it’s a good idea to find love from other people instead of loving yourself. You have to love yourself before loving another person. Guys are just there to play with you. To them [a relationship] is something to play with, but to us, as girls, it’s something that’s so important. We lack love for ourselves so we start giving it to someone else and start forgetting ourselves.

I do something different in my life because in my family, my sister had a lot of opportunities. She had the chance to go to university. She had the chance to do whatever that she wanted but she fell pregnant [and now] she lives somewhere else. I’m the one who’s raising her child.

I don’t know how to say this, but I really, really want to get married and be a mother. I want to be a mother, yet I want to be a teacher, yet I want to be a journalist. But the biggest thing to me is I want to be a mother. I want to be that women that when my kids look up to me they say: “This is my mum. That’s my mum everybody!” I want to be that woman who gives her child the love, encourages them and shows them the right path and lets them experience [what life is] for. That’s me.

Puseletso Maila, 18

Most of our mothers got married at a very young age and it was never their choice. Now we have our own choices and we can make our own decisions. [We] have opportunities. For example, you can get bursaries [to go to university]: your background does not necessarily define who you’re going to be in the future.

I want to study law because I’ve always been interested in debating​ and stuff​. It’s my passion

These days we can follow any career path. For example, you have women working in mining, whereas in the olden days our mothers only had certain careers that were reserved for them. Most of them became nurses or teachers, but it was not their choice. It was because of the situations they found themselves in – most of them were not educated, and it’s not that they did not want to get educated, but because they had limited opportunities.

At school, there are boys that abuse young girls and most of the time the young girls do not report it because they think people will judge them, and say it’s their fault. You see boys hitting girls at school, but they do not report it because they are used to this life, and are not aware it’s actually sexual harassment. Even if people call them names they just take it lightly. At the end of the day it’s going to happen to someone else – that guy is going to do it to another girl.

For example, if older people see you playing around with boys and you get raped, it’s not easy for you to come out because most of the people are going to say you deserve it, it’s what you always wanted.

Young girls who fall pregnant after being raped are not always believed. Most of the people say, “ it’s their fault, they had sex at an early age”. Maybe sometimes they want to abort the baby but their parents tell them that “it’s the consequences of the choices you made”.

I want to study law because I’ve always been interested in debating. It’s my passion, because I enjoy subjects like English and history. The only place I see myself is in university, and I’ve applied. Because my parents cannot afford to send me to university I’m planning to get a bursary so that I can study.

Most of the time the people you look up to are the ones who disappoint you in the end

Phindile Phinzi, 16

Our mothers’s generation saw men as better than them. Men were supposed to go to work and women were supposed to stay behind and look after the children, do all the household chores.

We have a lot of opportunities. Women in South Africa these days are given huge attention We’re not oppressed like we used to be. At school, we’re now equal. There’s nothing like “[only] boys are supposed to prefects”. We’re given equal positions, equal attention.

Sexual assault at school [is a huge challenge that women face]. At school boys look at you, boys hit you and call you names. But when you report it they won’t believe you because they think we enjoy what they are doing.

Most of the time the people you look up to are the ones who disappoint you in the end. I’ve become self-motivated and I’ve told myself I don’t have to look up to anybody else – I know what is right, I know what is wrong, and I can make my own choices.

I really want to go study after schooling. I’ll be the first one in my family, after my sister. I really want to be the one in the family who [makes a mark]. I’d like to study media.

A version of this article appeared on Daily Maverick