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Why I’m Letting My 7-Year-Old Fast During Ramadan Why I’m Letting My 7-Year-Old Fast During Ramadan
(32 minutes later)
Grieving the loss of a communal Ramadan, I found myself stuck with a self-created problem. Ramadan is the carrot I dangled before my daughters’ eyes when they stared longingly at gifts stacked under Christmas trees or at baskets of colorful Easter eggs. The math is unbeatable, I told them, Ramadan entails 28 nights of festivities followed by three days of gift exchange. During a pandemic, though, there are no gatherings after sunset for iftar, the fast-breaking meal, or rows of worshipers standing shoulder-to-shoulder in nighttime prayer. Fasting in isolation is depressing.Grieving the loss of a communal Ramadan, I found myself stuck with a self-created problem. Ramadan is the carrot I dangled before my daughters’ eyes when they stared longingly at gifts stacked under Christmas trees or at baskets of colorful Easter eggs. The math is unbeatable, I told them, Ramadan entails 28 nights of festivities followed by three days of gift exchange. During a pandemic, though, there are no gatherings after sunset for iftar, the fast-breaking meal, or rows of worshipers standing shoulder-to-shoulder in nighttime prayer. Fasting in isolation is depressing.
In a failed attempt at making Ramadan-in-quarantine relatable, I earmarked pages of my daughters’ religious books. Surely stories of Islamic prophets praying in solitude would inspire wonder. But neither Jonah’s repentance from inside a fish’s belly nor the mountaintop revelation of sacred texts to Muhammad and Moses sparked a connection. The girls, 4 and 7, listened for a few minutes, then quickly moved on to more engaging tasks. With no friends or Capri Sun to keep matters interesting, my efforts were a disappointing version of Sunday school.In a failed attempt at making Ramadan-in-quarantine relatable, I earmarked pages of my daughters’ religious books. Surely stories of Islamic prophets praying in solitude would inspire wonder. But neither Jonah’s repentance from inside a fish’s belly nor the mountaintop revelation of sacred texts to Muhammad and Moses sparked a connection. The girls, 4 and 7, listened for a few minutes, then quickly moved on to more engaging tasks. With no friends or Capri Sun to keep matters interesting, my efforts were a disappointing version of Sunday school.
We pressed on with our pre-Ramadan rituals. We strung lights, created prayer nooks and rolled out festive linen for the iftar table. My 7-year-old sat in a kitchen corner, folding meat-filled dough into triangular shaped samosas, like I had done decades earlier in my mother’s kitchen. Biting off the crisp edge of a samosa, she asked excitedly, “Mama, will you wake me up before Fajr so I can fast, too?”We pressed on with our pre-Ramadan rituals. We strung lights, created prayer nooks and rolled out festive linen for the iftar table. My 7-year-old sat in a kitchen corner, folding meat-filled dough into triangular shaped samosas, like I had done decades earlier in my mother’s kitchen. Biting off the crisp edge of a samosa, she asked excitedly, “Mama, will you wake me up before Fajr so I can fast, too?”
Fajr is the dawn canonical prayer, one that I encourage her to observe (by bribing her with Twisty Petz), but she prefers sleeping in. I hesitated, wanting to respond with a straightforward “no”; fasting for 15 hours is arduous for adults, it would be nearly impossible for a child. Reluctant but curious, I asked, “Why do you want to fast, beta?”Fajr is the dawn canonical prayer, one that I encourage her to observe (by bribing her with Twisty Petz), but she prefers sleeping in. I hesitated, wanting to respond with a straightforward “no”; fasting for 15 hours is arduous for adults, it would be nearly impossible for a child. Reluctant but curious, I asked, “Why do you want to fast, beta?”
“Because, Mama, so we can know what it feels like to not have food like the people who don’t have food and are hungry!”“Because, Mama, so we can know what it feels like to not have food like the people who don’t have food and are hungry!”
Her empathetic response caught me off guard; she was connecting with a world outside of her world of abundance. As a pediatric doctor, I have witnessed children lean into belief in the unseen when faced with crushing medical diagnoses. I assumed hardship accelerated early spirituality, the ability to transcend religiosity and foster a relationship with a higher being, motivating humans to contribute to the greater good.Her empathetic response caught me off guard; she was connecting with a world outside of her world of abundance. As a pediatric doctor, I have witnessed children lean into belief in the unseen when faced with crushing medical diagnoses. I assumed hardship accelerated early spirituality, the ability to transcend religiosity and foster a relationship with a higher being, motivating humans to contribute to the greater good.
Fasting during Ramadan is a pillar of the Islamic faith, but it is not required for children. I had to tackle my biases before attempting to offer any spiritual guidance. My daughters’ pain is notoriously unbearable for me; I cry when they receive routine immunizations (now a running joke at my clinic). Witnessing my child’s hunger would be particularly agonizing, and any threat imposed by fasting to her physical development would be prohibitive. But I could not ignore my daughter’s request to fast — her reasoning was evidence of nascent spirituality.Fasting during Ramadan is a pillar of the Islamic faith, but it is not required for children. I had to tackle my biases before attempting to offer any spiritual guidance. My daughters’ pain is notoriously unbearable for me; I cry when they receive routine immunizations (now a running joke at my clinic). Witnessing my child’s hunger would be particularly agonizing, and any threat imposed by fasting to her physical development would be prohibitive. But I could not ignore my daughter’s request to fast — her reasoning was evidence of nascent spirituality.
Attending to her physiological needs would be easy, I justified, especially now that we’re together all the time in quarantine. Like I do for my patients, I can manipulate her meals to make them nutritionally dense, and monitor her fluid balance, adjusting it to her weight and energy demands during the eating windows.Attending to her physiological needs would be easy, I justified, especially now that we’re together all the time in quarantine. Like I do for my patients, I can manipulate her meals to make them nutritionally dense, and monitor her fluid balance, adjusting it to her weight and energy demands during the eating windows.
I decided to honor my daughter’s decision to abstain from food and water for however long she chooses — be it 30 minutes, a few hours or the whole day. Fasting without reflection, however, is just starvation. Attempting to provoke thoughtfulness, she and I wrote “reflection prompts” on folded pieces of paper. Enthusiastic about a new ritual, she beamed at the anticipation of opening a new note at every iftar.I decided to honor my daughter’s decision to abstain from food and water for however long she chooses — be it 30 minutes, a few hours or the whole day. Fasting without reflection, however, is just starvation. Attempting to provoke thoughtfulness, she and I wrote “reflection prompts” on folded pieces of paper. Enthusiastic about a new ritual, she beamed at the anticipation of opening a new note at every iftar.
Updated August 3, 2020 Updated August 4, 2020
The prompts are brief, as everything that stands between hunger and a meal must be, but they ask big questions: What is something nice you heard or did today? What does it feel like to wait before eating? What are some things you did to stop thinking about food? What was the hardest thing you did while fasting? Is it easier being kind or being mean when you’re hungry?The prompts are brief, as everything that stands between hunger and a meal must be, but they ask big questions: What is something nice you heard or did today? What does it feel like to wait before eating? What are some things you did to stop thinking about food? What was the hardest thing you did while fasting? Is it easier being kind or being mean when you’re hungry?
These questions reveal the lessons of fasting, which are not different from the ones of weathering a pandemic: If you look for ease during hardship, you will find it; reflection makes the mundane spiritual; patience requires practice (and distraction); and kindness is always a choice, even when we have no control.These questions reveal the lessons of fasting, which are not different from the ones of weathering a pandemic: If you look for ease during hardship, you will find it; reflection makes the mundane spiritual; patience requires practice (and distraction); and kindness is always a choice, even when we have no control.
The math of this Ramadan-in-quarantine is unbeatable: simplifying the food on our iftar table, adding a bowl full of notes to reflect on and multiplying the understanding of our tiny place in this big world.The math of this Ramadan-in-quarantine is unbeatable: simplifying the food on our iftar table, adding a bowl full of notes to reflect on and multiplying the understanding of our tiny place in this big world.
Asiya Shakir is a mother of two girls and a pediatric gastroenterologist in Atlanta. She is also a Muslim community organizer with an educational background in religion and psychology.Asiya Shakir is a mother of two girls and a pediatric gastroenterologist in Atlanta. She is also a Muslim community organizer with an educational background in religion and psychology.