This article is from the source 'bbc' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.
You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.bbc.co.uk/go/rss/int/news/-/news/magazine-12204525
The article has changed 31 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.
Previous version
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
Next version
| Version 5 | Version 6 |
|---|---|
| Being a stay-at home dad 'tiring but very rewarding' | Being a stay-at home dad 'tiring but very rewarding' |
| (40 minutes later) | |
| From April, fathers will be able to share maternity leave with their wives. Currently they get just two weeks off after a child is born, while women can take up to a year. So what is it like being a stay-at home dad? | From April, fathers will be able to share maternity leave with their wives. Currently they get just two weeks off after a child is born, while women can take up to a year. So what is it like being a stay-at home dad? |
| "At first, my dad kept sending me the jobs pages from the Telegraph," says Thom Chesser. | "At first, my dad kept sending me the jobs pages from the Telegraph," says Thom Chesser. |
| "I don't think he was really sure what I was doing all day. Then he looked after his two nephews for a week and realised I already had a full-time job." | "I don't think he was really sure what I was doing all day. Then he looked after his two nephews for a week and realised I already had a full-time job." |
| Thom, 41, has two boys, Jacob, four, and Isaac, two, and another child on the way. His wife Ann is a personnel manager for Network Rail and they live in London. | Thom, 41, has two boys, Jacob, four, and Isaac, two, and another child on the way. His wife Ann is a personnel manager for Network Rail and they live in London. |
| After what he admits was an "eclectic" job history - including working as an agent for circus performers and a graphic designer for a bank - he gave up work in 2006, just before Jacob was born. | After what he admits was an "eclectic" job history - including working as an agent for circus performers and a graphic designer for a bank - he gave up work in 2006, just before Jacob was born. |
| "The childcare costs were about what I was making and Ann wasn't keen to leave him in a nursery all day, so when she asked me I was more than happy to do it. | "The childcare costs were about what I was making and Ann wasn't keen to leave him in a nursery all day, so when she asked me I was more than happy to do it. |
| "My job was mostly designing bits of paper that were going to be thrown away. It could be exciting when deadlines were looming, but ultimately it wasn't particularly fulfilling. | "My job was mostly designing bits of paper that were going to be thrown away. It could be exciting when deadlines were looming, but ultimately it wasn't particularly fulfilling. |
| "I was fearful in that I didn't know what it was going to be like, but I was convinced I could do it." | "I was fearful in that I didn't know what it was going to be like, but I was convinced I could do it." |
| 'Lots of lists' | 'Lots of lists' |
| Ann took six months' maternity leave and during that time Thom helped in any way he could. | Ann took six months' maternity leave and during that time Thom helped in any way he could. |
| "When she went back to work she wrote me lots and lots of lists about what I should be doing and I just got on with it." | "When she went back to work she wrote me lots and lots of lists about what I should be doing and I just got on with it." |
| A report released by Demos says new parents are increasingly relying on friends, rather than family, for support, and the government should do more to help them develop local networks. | A report released by Demos says new parents are increasingly relying on friends, rather than family, for support, and the government should do more to help them develop local networks. |
| Thom agrees. | Thom agrees. |
| "NCT (National Childbirth Trust) classes teach you to change a nappy, but they also introduce you to five other couples in your area who are about to have a baby. It's an instant support network. I also go to a group on Fridays called Dads and Little 'Uns, which I help run, and to another group on a Saturday morning. | "NCT (National Childbirth Trust) classes teach you to change a nappy, but they also introduce you to five other couples in your area who are about to have a baby. It's an instant support network. I also go to a group on Fridays called Dads and Little 'Uns, which I help run, and to another group on a Saturday morning. |
| "If you go to a park there'll always be a group of mums with babies chatting and having coffee. There'll be some dads too, but they'll be on their own - they're less gregarious than women. So I've spent four years collecting them. If I see a dad with a buggy I'll always go up and talk to them." | "If you go to a park there'll always be a group of mums with babies chatting and having coffee. There'll be some dads too, but they'll be on their own - they're less gregarious than women. So I've spent four years collecting them. If I see a dad with a buggy I'll always go up and talk to them." |
| 'Marvellous' | 'Marvellous' |
| Being a stay-at-home dad has transformed Thom's personal and professional life, he's now taking an NVQ in childcare and wants to do a primary school teaching course. | Being a stay-at-home dad has transformed Thom's personal and professional life, he's now taking an NVQ in childcare and wants to do a primary school teaching course. |
| And apart from his slightly sceptical father - who is now fully on board - Thom says he has received almost universal support. | And apart from his slightly sceptical father - who is now fully on board - Thom says he has received almost universal support. |
| "I've had the odd comment from random blokes in the street, but that's it. Women are very supportive. They always say 'it's marvellous what you're doing'. And I think 'why? It's no more marvellous than you doing it.' | "I've had the odd comment from random blokes in the street, but that's it. Women are very supportive. They always say 'it's marvellous what you're doing'. And I think 'why? It's no more marvellous than you doing it.' |
| "Clearly it's hard work. The kids can be frustrating and I'm so tired, but every day they'll do something new, something I taught them, and that's very rewarding. | "Clearly it's hard work. The kids can be frustrating and I'm so tired, but every day they'll do something new, something I taught them, and that's very rewarding. |
| "It would be lovely if more men got the chance to spend more time with their children. Fathers tend to take longer to bond with babies, so it can only be a positive. It's tiring, but very rewarding thing. And even where dads do go to work, if they didn't have to work such long hours it would make a big difference." | "It would be lovely if more men got the chance to spend more time with their children. Fathers tend to take longer to bond with babies, so it can only be a positive. It's tiring, but very rewarding thing. And even where dads do go to work, if they didn't have to work such long hours it would make a big difference." |
Comments | Comments |
| You are not currently signed in. Sign in or register. | You are not currently signed in. Sign in or register. |
|
|
| My father had no paternity leave when I was born. What's more, as soon as my mother was out of hospital (I stayed in for another couple of months) he went straight back to work. Had he not done so, there would have been no money coming in. It has not affected my relationship with him at all, in fact we spent weekends and evenings on homework, TV and later gardening until I left home in my 20s. | |
| Report this comment | |
| Link to this | |
| | |
| Further to your comments regarding help in the community, check out Dads and Littleuns: http://www.dadsandlittluns.co.ukThere are three very succesful groups up and running at the moment. | |
| Report this comment | |
| Link to this | |
| | |
| I look after our 1- year old baby, though as I'm self employed I don't get any extra money for it, but I work evenings and weekends so it works ok with my partner working 4 days. It's tiring - a 12-hour day at least - but that would be the same for a mother. There are a lot less fathers looking after their children than mothers which makes things more difficult socially, but it is rewarding. | I look after our 1- year old baby, though as I'm self employed I don't get any extra money for it, but I work evenings and weekends so it works ok with my partner working 4 days. It's tiring - a 12-hour day at least - but that would be the same for a mother. There are a lot less fathers looking after their children than mothers which makes things more difficult socially, but it is rewarding. |
| Report this comment | Report this comment |
| Link to this | Link to this |
| | |
| I have been at home on and off for the past 8 years, my wife & I swap over for 2 years so she could speed time with our youngest, just before for he went to school. Now she's back at work I'm at home, in my time off I've completed 3 OU course's, started my own magazine, and run the house. My hat off to any women that does all the home stuff and works full-time I could not to both-that's for sure. | I have been at home on and off for the past 8 years, my wife & I swap over for 2 years so she could speed time with our youngest, just before for he went to school. Now she's back at work I'm at home, in my time off I've completed 3 OU course's, started my own magazine, and run the house. My hat off to any women that does all the home stuff and works full-time I could not to both-that's for sure. |
| Report this comment | Report this comment |
| Link to this | Link to this |
| | |
| 16 years ago when we had our daughter, my husband ws a 'stay at home' dad was getting stick for it - it suited us though (actually, we both worked part time and juggled the childcare, but people assumed he was workshy). Five years ago we had our son, now I stay home full time and am getting the stick for not working! Immaterial of gender, there is reward in being stay-at-home; apart from money! | 16 years ago when we had our daughter, my husband ws a 'stay at home' dad was getting stick for it - it suited us though (actually, we both worked part time and juggled the childcare, but people assumed he was workshy). Five years ago we had our son, now I stay home full time and am getting the stick for not working! Immaterial of gender, there is reward in being stay-at-home; apart from money! |
| Report this comment | Report this comment |
| Link to this | Link to this |
| Comments 5 of 31 | |
| |
| Add your comment | Add your comment |
| You are not currently signed in. Sign in or register. | You are not currently signed in. Sign in or register. |