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Hard Times in Spain Force Feuding Couples to Delay Divorce
Hard Times in Spain Force Feuding Couples to Delay Divorce
(25 days later)
SABADELL, SPAIN — Esther Fernández, 45, was desperate for a divorce. A hairdresser, she had fallen in love with another man, who was dying of cancer.
SABADELL, Spain — Esther Fernández, 45, was desperate for a divorce. A hairdresser, she had fallen in love with another man.
Her husband, Gaby Cuadrado, 47, had lost his factory job. Selling their house in a depressed market in this sleepy city outside Barcelona was impossible. Neither could afford a second home. They were already struggling to pay their mortgage. An expensive divorce was out of the question.
Her husband, Gaby Cuadrado, 47, had lost his factory job, and they were already struggling to pay their mortgage. Selling their house in a depressed market in this quiet city outside Barcelona was virtually impossible. Neither could afford a second home. An expensive divorce was out of the question.
So for two years she stuck it out, leaving before dawn, hiding from Mr. Cuadrado, who said he became so obsessed with his wife that he would spy on her from his car. She had panic attacks. “I felt trapped,” she said.
The situation, Mr. Cuadrado said, was unbearable. “Being forced to live with a woman I loved who had rejected me was psychological torture,” he said.
It was even worse for him. The situation, Mr. Cuardado said, pushed him to the brink of suicide. “Being forced to live with a woman I loved who had rejected me was psychological torture,” he said. They finally divorced in November, after moving to tiny apartments in bad parts of town.
For two years they stuck it out. Ms. Fernández said she left home before dawn to hide from Mr. Cuadrado. He said he was so distraught that he contemplated suicide. They finally divorced in November after their financial situation improved enough to allow them to move into tiny, separate apartments in bad parts of town.
If marriage is for better or worse, richer or poorer, then these are the worst of times for a poorer Spain. Couples are paying the emotional price, especially when they cannot afford the price of divorce.
If marriage is for better or worse, richer or poorer, then these are the worst of times for a poorer Spain. Couples are paying the emotional price, especially when they cannot afford to divorce.
Fewer of them can. Accounts from judges, divorce lawyers and therapists — as well as couples themselves — indicate that many Spaniards are staying in troubled relationships longer as a result of an economic crisis that has ground on for nearly five years.
Accounts from judges, divorce lawyers and therapists — as well as couples themselves — indicate that Spain’s protracted economic crisis is forcing some people to stay in troubled relationships longer.
Last year, the number of divorces in Spain dropped 17 percent compared with 2006, according to the Spanish Judicial Council, a national association that represents the country’s judges. The divorce rate jumped in 2006 after changes to the divorce law made it easier to split up in 2005, but it has fallen with the crisis in Spain’s economy, according to the council.
The number of divorces in Spain last year was 17 percent lower than in 2006, according to the Spanish Judicial Council, a national association that represents the country’s judges. The divorce rate jumped in 2006 after changes to the law in 2005 made it easier to split up. But it has fallen since then, tracking the nearly five-year-old financial crisis, the council said.
“There is no doubt that the crisis is pushing people to stay together,” said José María Redondo, the council’s spokesman, who attributed the drop in the divorce rate to a burst housing bubble and hard economic times.
“There is no doubt that the crisis is pushing people to stay together,” said José María Redondo, the council’s spokesman, who attributed the drop in the divorce rate to a burst housing bubble and these hard economic times.
The crisis is not only slowing divorces but also transforming the process, according to divorce lawyers. Judges are reducing alimony payments and dueling spouses have moved from fighting over property to sparring over the critical issue of who assumes debts.
The crisis is not only slowing divorces but also transforming the process, according to divorce lawyers. Judges are reducing alimony payments and dueling spouses have moved from fighting over property to sparring over who will assume debts.
Some couples are literally dividing their homes in two, by sticking tape across the floor, said Álvaro Cavia, a leading Barcelona-based divorce lawyer. Unable to afford a divorce, other couples live together even as they engage openly in other romantic relationships.
Some couples are literally dividing their homes in two, by plastering tape across the floor, said Álvaro Cavia, a leading divorce lawyer in Barcelona. Squabbles over money — or a lack of it — are the biggest source of contention among couples seeking to mend fraying relationships, according to Mayka Pedrero, a family psychologist in Sabadell, who counseled Ms. Fernández, her sister.
Squabbles over money — or the lack of it — are the biggest source of contention among couples seeking to mend fraying relationships, according to Myka Pedrero, a family psychologist in a suburb of Barcelona, who counseled Ms. Fernández, her sister.
It is worst for jobless couples, Ms. Pedrero said, not just because of financial strains but also because they often spend all day together at home, getting on each others’ nerves. When warring couples share the same quarters, it is especially confusing for children unable to accept their parents’ breakup, she said.
It is worst for jobless couples, she said, not just because of the money strains, but because they often spend all day together at home, treading on each others’ nerves. When warring couples share the same quarters it is especially confusing for children unable to accept their parents’ break-ups, she said.
“The crisis makes things worse as it adds huge pressures to marriages when you don’t have a job and can’t pay the bills,” Ms. Pedrero said. “When people who want to split are forced to stay together, it pollutes the whole ecosystem that is the family and drives both the man and the woman crazy.”
“The crisis makes things worse as it adds huge pressures to marriages when you don’t have a job and can’t pay the bills,” she said. “When people who want to split are forced to stay together it pollutes the whole ecosystem that is the family and drives both the man and the woman crazy.”
Divorce, prohibited for decades during the Franco dictatorship, was legalized in Spain in 1981. But the law required couples to legally separate first — a period of reflection aimed at safeguarding the family in a socially conservative Catholic country. The change in the law in 2005 allows couples to get “express divorces” without any separation. They need to have been married for at least three months to qualify.
Until the crisis exploded, legal experts say, divorce was widely accepted as the easiest exit from a bad marriage after decades during which it was prohibited during the Franco dictatorship.
Even when couples can afford a divorce, the economic crisis has created new complications.
Divorce was first legalized in Spain 1981 but the law required couples to legally separate first, a period of reflection aimed at safeguarding the family in a socially conservative, Catholic country. The change in the law in 2005 has allowed couples to get “express divorces” without any separation. Couples need to have been married for at least three months to qualify.
In the past, said María José Varela, a leading divorce lawyer and advocate of women’s rights, spouses would fight over who got to keep the house. Now, she said, they usually fight over who gets stuck with it and the huge debts attached.
Even when couples can afford a divorce, the economic crisis has added new complications.
To cope with that, special post-divorce mortgage-sharing agreements have become a component of many settlements, Ms. Varela said.
María José Varela, a leading divorce lawyer and advocate of women’s rights, said that while in the past dueling spouses would fight over who got to keep the house, now her clients were fighting over who got to get rid of it, because neither wanted to be saddled with debt.
In court, she said, she had noticed that men were using the economic crisis to plead for lower alimony payments, and that many judges were sympathetic. Because of the crisis, she said, women were accepting less spousal support in return for demanding better custody rights.
Special post-divorce mortgage sharing agreements had now become a new key component of divorce settlements, she said.
Ms. Varela said her own fees, which range from about $265 to $13,200, depending on the size of the settlement, have also fallen sharply. Still, she and many other divorce lawyers were engaging in more pro bono work, she said, while more of her mostly female clients were paying by credit.
In court, she said she had noticed that men were using the economic crisis to reduce alimony payments. Many judges, she said, were agreeing. Due to the crisis, she said, women were accepting less spousal support in return for demanding better custody rights.
As is often the case elsewhere, women are especially vulnerable, she said, since they typically earn less than their husbands, prompting them in some cases to remain in abusive relationships because of economic considerations. When they do leave, they often move back with their parents.
Ms. Varela’s own fees, which range anywhere from €200 to €10,000 — or about $265 to $13,200 — depending on the size of the settlement, had also been severely truncated, she said. She and many other divorce lawyers were engaging in more pro bono work. More of her mostly female clients were paying by credit, she said.
María Teresa, a 44-year-old broadcast journalist, had to move back in with her ex-husband — for financial reasons. She was divorced in 2008 and moved from Barcelona to Madrid with her two sons. But after she lost her job in 2011, she and her ex-husband, an unemployed art dealer, pooled their unemployment benefits and rented a two-bedroom apartment for $1,200 a month. She asked that her last name not be used to avoid embarrassing her family.
Women are especially vulnerable, she said, since they typically earned less than their husbands, prompting them in some cases to remain in abusive relationships because of economic considerations. When they did leave, they were moving back in with their parents.
The week that she and her ex-husband moved in together, she said, she could not stop crying. Since they are both jobless and stuck at home, she found herself obsessively inventing situations so she could be alone, she said.
Indeed, some women said that their husbands were using the bad economic times to financially and emotionally blackmail them into staying in loveless marriages.
“I have a boyfriend now, and he comes to stay at my place sometimes,” she said. “And it’s not going to work out if my ex-husband is around.”
Marta López, 31, said that when she demanded a divorce from her husband of four years, who had begun spending nights out and partying with friends, even when she was seriously ill, he refused and insisted she pay off the mortgage in return for her freedom — something she could not afford after losing her secretarial job.
For all the pain that hard times have heaped on troubled families, there is at least one view that sees some benefit to the difficulty with divorcing. If the crisis helps preserve the Spanish family by making it harder to divorce, that is not a bad thing, said Julián M. Valón, a pioneering divorce lawyer who helped write the country’s 1981 divorce law.
So for a year and half she slept on the couch and ate mostly pasta and rice, until she could afford a divorce lawyer. “It was worth it to get my life back,” she said.
“If there’s something positive about the economic crisis, it is that people have less money to fight about than before,” Mr. Valón said, “and this could help people to stay together, even through the tough times.”
Some divorced couples are even moving back in together for financial reasons.
María Teresa, a 44-year-old broadcast journalist, divorced in 2008 and moved from Barcelona to Madrid with her two sons. But after the crisis exploded and she lost her job, she decided in 2011 to move back in with her ex-husband, an unemployed art dealer. They pooled their unemployment benefits and rented a two-bedroom apartment for €900 a month, putting the savings toward food, school and soccer uniforms for their children. She asked that her last name not be used to avoid embarrassing her family.
The week her husband moved in, she said she could not stop crying. Since they are both jobless and stuck at home, she said that she was obsessively inventing situations so that she could be alone.
“I have a boyfriend now, and he comes to stay at my place sometimes, and it’s not going to work out if my ex husband is around,” she said.
Some Spaniards say the hard times may have at least one benefit. If the crisis helps preserve the Spanish family by making it harder to divorce, that was no bad thing, said Julián M. Valón, a pioneering divorce lawyer who helped write the country’s 1981 divorce law.
“If there’s something positive about the economic crisis it is that people have less money to fight about than before,” he said, “and this could help people to stay together, even through the tough times.”
Silvia Taulés contributed reporting from Barcelona.
Silvia Taulés contributed reporting from Barcelona.
