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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/mar/24/sexing-up-science
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| Version 2 | Version 3 |
|---|---|
| Sexed-up science news - reporting the story gets in the way of a good fact | Sexed-up science news - reporting the story gets in the way of a good fact |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| Sex | Sex |
| sells. This is a well-known cliché, pairing a product with a sexually | sells. This is a well-known cliché, pairing a product with a sexually |
| attractive/suggestive person is the norm in the advertising industry. | attractive/suggestive person is the norm in the advertising industry. |
| Sex can be used to promote anything – cat | Sex can be used to promote anything – cat |
| food, car | food, car |
| insurance, carbonated | insurance, carbonated |
| beverages, and that’s just the Cs. It’s so common, the bizarre logic of it | beverages, and that’s just the Cs. It’s so common, the bizarre logic of it |
| is barely noticed, eg are the Scottish so unhealthy the average widow is really | is barely noticed, eg are the Scottish so unhealthy the average widow is really |
| a | a |
| 25-year-old model? But then, advertising and reality rarely | 25-year-old model? But then, advertising and reality rarely |
| match up. | match up. |
| So sex can be used to sell anything, except, paradoxically, | So sex can be used to sell anything, except, paradoxically, |
| sex, because that's | sex, because that's |
| illegal. Also (with some notable | illegal. Also (with some notable |
| exceptions) the sexual | exceptions) the sexual |
| element is usually an attractive, scantily clad woman. So the sexual desires being | element is usually an attractive, scantily clad woman. So the sexual desires being |
| catered for are mostly straight males. Again. | catered for are mostly straight males. Again. |
| Generally, science hasn’t fallen prey to this approach. However, | Generally, science hasn’t fallen prey to this approach. However, |
| last week saw several | last week saw several |
| science communication blunders, and the most alarming appears to have been a | science communication blunders, and the most alarming appears to have been a |
| Journal of Proteomics article “Harry Belafonte and the secret proteome of | Journal of Proteomics article “Harry Belafonte and the secret proteome of |
| coconut milk” which was presented with a picture of a | coconut milk” which was presented with a picture of a |
| sexy woman in a coconut bra. Because science! | sexy woman in a coconut bra. Because science! |
| This was perceived as “sexing up” a paper to get more attention/traffic. | This was perceived as “sexing up” a paper to get more attention/traffic. |
| Coming right after the Daily Mail dismissed the idea that women | Coming right after the Daily Mail dismissed the idea that women |
| could be responsible for groundbreaking research, it really wasn’t helpful. | could be responsible for groundbreaking research, it really wasn’t helpful. |
| The picture has since been removed and an “apology” | The picture has since been removed and an “apology” |
| offered (terse language aside, it’s another “sorry people were offended”, which | offered (terse language aside, it’s another “sorry people were offended”, which |
| isn’t the same as “sorry for being offensive”, just as “sorry people were | isn’t the same as “sorry for being offensive”, just as “sorry people were |
| foolish enough to live near the fire I started” is not an admission of guilt). | foolish enough to live near the fire I started” is not an admission of guilt). |
| But what if it’s eventually agreed that sexing up science is | But what if it’s eventually agreed that sexing up science is |
| a valid tactic? That women are far more useful as sex objects than actual | a valid tactic? That women are far more useful as sex objects than actual |
| contributors, as many mainstream outlets regularly imply? What would science | contributors, as many mainstream outlets regularly imply? What would science |
| reporting look like then? Basically, | reporting look like then? Basically, |
| what if Nuts magazine and the like had science sections? To give a taste of | what if Nuts magazine and the like had science sections? To give a taste of |
| such a world, here are several current science stories, “sexed up” to make them | such a world, here are several current science stories, “sexed up” to make them |
| more popular/awful. | more popular/awful. |
| Pepe Le Pew was true! | Pepe Le Pew was true! |
| Sense of smell is a hurdle to getting the girl | Sense of smell is a hurdle to getting the girl |
| We all know Pepe Le | We all know Pepe Le |
| Pew, the cartoon French-skunk Lothario who taught modern men everything | Pew, the cartoon French-skunk Lothario who taught modern men everything |
| they know about romance and never taking no for an answer. But recent | they know about romance and never taking no for an answer. But recent |
| scientific evidence suggests that, despite being a skunk, old Pepe may have | scientific evidence suggests that, despite being a skunk, old Pepe may have |
| given us an accurate portrayal of the dating game. | given us an accurate portrayal of the dating game. |
| Recent evidence from the Rockefeller University | Recent evidence from the Rockefeller University |
| reveals that humans can identify over one trillion different odours. | reveals that humans can identify over one trillion different odours. |
| That’s more than can be found in Brian Fantana’s Cologne | That’s more than can be found in Brian Fantana’s Cologne |
| cabinet! | cabinet! |
| So if you do have your eyes on a certain young lady, you | So if you do have your eyes on a certain young lady, you |
| need to be more aware of your olfactory presence. The Lynx effect | need to be more aware of your olfactory presence. The Lynx effect |
| isn’t enough; you need to make sure you smell as good as possible. And don’t go | isn’t enough; you need to make sure you smell as good as possible. And don’t go |
| relying on the old “pheromones in sweat” claims to justify not showering; there’s | relying on the old “pheromones in sweat” claims to justify not showering; there’s |
| no | no |
| hard evidence this is a real thing. There may be some women who are turned | hard evidence this is a real thing. There may be some women who are turned |
| on by the smell of old socks full of ripe cheese, but would you want to get | on by the smell of old socks full of ripe cheese, but would you want to get |
| together with someone who’s into that sort of thing? | together with someone who’s into that sort of thing? |
| So lads, make sure you smell good, as women have way more | So lads, make sure you smell good, as women have way more |
| sensitive noses. And if you can get past one very sensitive part of her body, | sensitive noses. And if you can get past one very sensitive part of her body, |
| maybe she’ll let you get close to others? | maybe she’ll let you get close to others? |
| Like it hot and wet? | Like it hot and wet? |
| Then avoid the moon | Then avoid the moon |
| It’s great when your girlfriend is willing to get hot and | It’s great when your girlfriend is willing to get hot and |
| wet, but it looks like poor old planet Earth is not so lucky; he’s in a | wet, but it looks like poor old planet Earth is not so lucky; he’s in a |
| long-term relationship with a cold, frigid rock. The moon seems to be the | long-term relationship with a cold, frigid rock. The moon seems to be the |
| perfect partner at first glance: loyal, petite, always showing her curves, but also | |
| with a dark side to keep it interesting. Sure, she’s cold and distant, but that’s | with a dark side to keep it interesting. Sure, she’s cold and distant, but that’s |
| OK as it looked like there was plenty of | OK as it looked like there was plenty of |
| water locked up in the moon, so putting up with this cold exterior was | water locked up in the moon, so putting up with this cold exterior was |
| worth it for the wet steamy payoff. | worth it for the wet steamy payoff. |
| But now Nasa’s Dr Boyce has revealed that this might not be | |
| true after all. Writing in the journal Science, | true after all. Writing in the journal Science, |
| he and his colleagues reveal that the moon was thought to have loads of water | he and his colleagues reveal that the moon was thought to have loads of water |
| because there was a lot of hydrogen present in the moon mineral known as apatite (and who doesn’t like a girl with appetites?) Hydrogen is in water, so | |
| there must be a lot of it in the moon given how much there is in the apatite. QED. Sadly, Dr Boyce’s research has revealed | |
| that it doesn’t work that way, so it’s all just been one big tease! | that it doesn’t work that way, so it’s all just been one big tease! |
| We’ve all dated girls who do that. How about we dump the | We’ve all dated girls who do that. How about we dump the |
| moon ASAP and replace it with Venus? She’s hot | moon ASAP and replace it with Venus? She’s hot |
| and tempestuous, which is bound to keep things interesting. | and tempestuous, which is bound to keep things interesting. |
| Big fat snakes know | Big fat snakes know |
| just where to go | just where to go |
| Every man knows the embarrassment of the unplanned, unexplained | Every man knows the embarrassment of the unplanned, unexplained |
| erection. It’s not just when we see a fit girl with an impressive chest, it can | erection. It’s not just when we see a fit girl with an impressive chest, it can |
| happen anywhere. On the bus, in a bank queue, just waking up can be enough to | happen anywhere. On the bus, in a bank queue, just waking up can be enough to |
| set it off. Our trouser snakes have no sense of place or direction as | |
| they clearly have no clue where they are half the time. | they clearly have no clue where they are half the time. |
| If only they could be more like the Burmese python. Every man would be happier with something like this stashed downstairs, | |
| because they’re: | because they’re: |
| a. | a. |
| Massive | Massive |
| b. | b. |
| Often found in hot, | Often found in hot, |
| lush places | lush places |
| c. | c. |
| According | According |
| to the latest research, they seem to have their own in-built GPS system. | to the latest research, they seem to have their own in-built GPS system. |
| That’s right; studies have revealed that Burmese pythons | |
| are able to return to their home locations with a speed and accuracy that | are able to return to their home locations with a speed and accuracy that |
| clearly suggests some navigational ability that would rival a modern Sat Nav, and | clearly suggests some navigational ability that would rival a modern Sat Nav, and |
| seeing how often those things send unwary drivers into swamps, the pythons | seeing how often those things send unwary drivers into swamps, the pythons |
| probably have the edge. | probably have the edge. |
| Imagine if our own personal “snakes” had this ability. Being | Imagine if our own personal “snakes” had this ability. Being |
| accused of thinking with it all the time wouldn’t be such an insult any more, | accused of thinking with it all the time wouldn’t be such an insult any more, |
| am I right lads! | am I right lads! |
| Hell hath no fury, | Hell hath no fury, |
| like a chicken scorned | like a chicken scorned |
| Built for speed. Long-necked. Resembles an emu on steroids. Armed | |
| and dangerous. No, we’re not talking about my ex, but a newly discovered dinosaur, | and dangerous. No, we’re not talking about my ex, but a newly discovered dinosaur, |
| dubbed the “Chicken | dubbed the “Chicken |
| from hell” by the boffins who found it. | |
| For most of us, “chicken from hell” better describes the | For most of us, “chicken from hell” better describes the |
| post-pub take-away we end up getting on Friday night and regretting for all of | |
| Saturday morning, but in this case it’s actually a 66m-year-old | |
| feathered beast previously unknown to science. It is believed to have existed | feathered beast previously unknown to science. It is believed to have existed |
| on a diet of small live animals, plants and possibly eggs. A fully grown adult | on a diet of small live animals, plants and possibly eggs. A fully grown adult |
| would have weighed up to 300kg. Again, you can’t blame me for constantly getting | |
| it mixed up with my ex. | it mixed up with my ex. |
| The actual name for this beast is Anzu wyliei. Bizarrely, | |
| that’s the name of my ex. Never drink home-brewed vodka while on a Club 18-30 | |
| holiday lads, that’s all I’m saying. You never know who you’ll wake up with. | holiday lads, that’s all I’m saying. You never know who you’ll wake up with. |
| Egyptian strip-tease | Egyptian strip-tease |
| goes hi-tech | goes hi-tech |
| One of the best things about the internet is it’s now easier | One of the best things about the internet is it’s now easier |
| than ever to see someone naked. Hardcore nudity is just a Google search away. | than ever to see someone naked. Hardcore nudity is just a Google search away. |
| But sometimes, you need the realism and enthusiasm of a good old-fashioned | |
| strip show. | strip show. |
| Now you can get the best of both worlds with an interactive | |
| strip show, meaning you can remove all those obscuring layers yourself with | strip show, meaning you can remove all those obscuring layers yourself with |
| your own hands, but that pesky “no touching” rule no longer applies. | your own hands, but that pesky “no touching” rule no longer applies. |
| Granted, at present the technology is only used to let you | Granted, at present the technology is only used to let you |
| unwrap Egyptian mummies, | unwrap Egyptian mummies, |
| and if you’re the sort of guy who can get turned on by stripping your mummy, I | and if you’re the sort of guy who can get turned on by stripping your mummy, I |
| won’t be having a drink with you any time soon. But it’s surely only a matter | won’t be having a drink with you any time soon. But it’s surely only a matter |
| of time before the technology is used to disrobe more modern, living, | of time before the technology is used to disrobe more modern, living, |
| flesh-covered ladies. And no, they don’t have to all be mummies! | flesh-covered ladies. And no, they don’t have to all be mummies! |
| Now, any researcher | Now, any researcher |
| who feels they need to add a sexy lady to their paper to really “sell” it, read | who feels they need to add a sexy lady to their paper to really “sell” it, read |
| the above and consider me your “ghost of Christmas future”. | the above and consider me your “ghost of Christmas future”. |
| Dean Burnett is on | Dean Burnett is on |
| Twitter as @garwboy. He won’t be very | Twitter as @garwboy. He won’t be very |
| active on there at present, he’s probably still in the shower trying to get rid | active on there at present, he’s probably still in the shower trying to get rid |
| of the disgust and shame he feels from writing these hideous examples |