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Sexed-up science news - reporting the story gets in the way of a good fact Sexed-up science news - reporting the story gets in the way of a good fact
(5 months later)
Sex Sex sells. This is a well-known cliché, pairing a product with a sexually attractive/suggestive person is the norm in the advertising industry. Sex can be used to promote anything – cat food, car insurance, carbonated beverages, and that’s just the Cs. It’s so common, the bizarre logic of it is barely noticed, eg are the Scottish so unhealthy the average widow is really a 25-year-old model? But then, advertising and reality rarely match up.
sells. This is a well-known cliché, pairing a product with a sexually So sex can be used to sell anything, except, paradoxically, sex, because that's illegal. Also (with some notable exceptions) the sexual element is usually an attractive, scantily clad woman. So the sexual desires being catered for are mostly straight males. Again.
attractive/suggestive person is the norm in the advertising industry. Generally, science hasn’t fallen prey to this approach. However, last week saw several science communication blunders, and the most alarming appears to have been a Journal of Proteomics article “Harry Belafonte and the secret proteome of coconut milk” which was presented with a picture of a sexy woman in a coconut bra. Because science!
Sex can be used to promote anything – cat This was perceived as “sexing up” a paper to get more attention/traffic. Coming right after the Daily Mail dismissed the idea that women could be responsible for groundbreaking research, it really wasn’t helpful. The picture has since been removed and an “apology” offered (terse language aside, it’s another “sorry people were offended”, which isn’t the same as “sorry for being offensive”, just as “sorry people were foolish enough to live near the fire I started” is not an admission of guilt).
food, car But what if it’s eventually agreed that sexing up science is a valid tactic? That women are far more useful as sex objects than actual contributors, as many mainstream outlets regularly imply? What would science reporting look like then? Basically, what if Nuts magazine and the like had science sections? To give a taste of such a world, here are several current science stories, “sexed up” to make them more popular/awful.
insurance, carbonated Pepe Le Pew was true! Sense of smell is a hurdle to getting the girl
beverages, and that’s just the Cs. It’s so common, the bizarre logic of it We all know Pepe Le Pew, the cartoon French-skunk Lothario who taught modern men everything they know about romance and never taking no for an answer. But recent scientific evidence suggests that, despite being a skunk, old Pepe may have given us an accurate portrayal of the dating game.
is barely noticed, eg are the Scottish so unhealthy the average widow is really Recent evidence from the Rockefeller University reveals that humans can identify over one trillion different odours. That’s more than can be found in Brian Fantana’s Cologne cabinet!
a So if you do have your eyes on a certain young lady, you need to be more aware of your olfactory presence. The Lynx effect isn’t enough; you need to make sure you smell as good as possible. And don’t go relying on the old “pheromones in sweat” claims to justify not showering; there’s no hard evidence this is a real thing. There may be some women who are turned on by the smell of old socks full of ripe cheese, but would you want to get together with someone who’s into that sort of thing?
25-year-old model? But then, advertising and reality rarely So lads, make sure you smell good, as women have way more sensitive noses. And if you can get past one very sensitive part of her body, maybe she’ll let you get close to others?
match up. Like it hot and wet? Then avoid the moon
So sex can be used to sell anything, except, paradoxically, It’s great when your girlfriend is willing to get hot and wet, but it looks like poor old planet Earth is not so lucky; he’s in a long-term relationship with a cold, frigid rock. The moon seems to be the perfect partner at first glance: loyal, petite, always showing her curves, but also with a dark side to keep it interesting. Sure, she’s cold and distant, but that’s OK as it looked like there was plenty of water locked up in the moon, so putting up with this cold exterior was worth it for the wet steamy payoff.
sex, because that's But now Nasa’s Dr Boyce has revealed that this might not be true after all. Writing in the journal Science, he and his colleagues reveal that the moon was thought to have loads of water because there was a lot of hydrogen present in the moon mineral known as apatite (and who doesn’t like a girl with appetites?) Hydrogen is in water, so there must be a lot of it in the moon given how much there is in the apatite. QED. Sadly, Dr Boyce’s research has revealed that it doesn’t work that way, so it’s all just been one big tease!
illegal. Also (with some notable We’ve all dated girls who do that. How about we dump the moon ASAP and replace it with Venus? She’s hot and tempestuous, which is bound to keep things interesting.
exceptions) the sexual Big fat snakes know just where to go
element is usually an attractive, scantily clad woman. So the sexual desires being Every man knows the embarrassment of the unplanned, unexplained erection. It’s not just when we see a fit girl with an impressive chest, it can happen anywhere. On the bus, in a bank queue, just waking up can be enough to set it off. Our trouser snakes have no sense of place or direction as they clearly have no clue where they are half the time.
catered for are mostly straight males. Again. If only they could be more like the Burmese python. Every man would be happier with something like this stashed downstairs, because they’re:
Generally, science hasn’t fallen prey to this approach. However, a. Massive
last week saw several b. Often found in hot, lush places
science communication blunders, and the most alarming appears to have been a c. According to the latest research, they seem to have their own in-built GPS system.
Journal of Proteomics article “Harry Belafonte and the secret proteome of That’s right; studies have revealed that Burmese pythons are able to return to their home locations with a speed and accuracy that clearly suggests some navigational ability that would rival a modern Sat Nav, and seeing how often those things send unwary drivers into swamps, the pythons probably have the edge.
coconut milk” which was presented with a picture of a Imagine if our own personal “snakes” had this ability. Being accused of thinking with it all the time wouldn’t be such an insult any more, am I right lads!
sexy woman in a coconut bra. Because science! Hell hath no fury, like a chicken scorned
This was perceived as “sexing up” a paper to get more attention/traffic. Built for speed. Long-necked. Resembles an emu on steroids. Armed and dangerous. No, we’re not talking about my ex, but a newly discovered dinosaur, dubbed the “Chicken from hell” by the boffins who found it.
Coming right after the Daily Mail dismissed the idea that women For most of us, “chicken from hell” better describes the post-pub take-away we end up getting on Friday night and regretting for all of Saturday morning, but in this case it’s actually a 66m-year-old feathered beast previously unknown to science. It is believed to have existed on a diet of small live animals, plants and possibly eggs. A fully grown adult would have weighed up to 300kg. Again, you can’t blame me for constantly getting it mixed up with my ex.
could be responsible for groundbreaking research, it really wasn’t helpful. The actual name for this beast is Anzu wyliei. Bizarrely, that’s the name of my ex. Never drink home-brewed vodka while on a Club 18-30 holiday lads, that’s all I’m saying. You never know who you’ll wake up with.
The picture has since been removed and an “apology” Egyptian strip-tease goes hi-tech
offered (terse language aside, it’s another “sorry people were offended”, which One of the best things about the internet is it’s now easier than ever to see someone naked. Hardcore nudity is just a Google search away. But sometimes, you need the realism and enthusiasm of a good old-fashioned strip show.
isn’t the same as “sorry for being offensive”, just as “sorry people were Now you can get the best of both worlds with an interactive strip show, meaning you can remove all those obscuring layers yourself with your own hands, but that pesky “no touching” rule no longer applies.
foolish enough to live near the fire I started” is not an admission of guilt). Granted, at present the technology is only used to let you unwrap Egyptian mummies, and if you’re the sort of guy who can get turned on by stripping your mummy, I won’t be having a drink with you any time soon. But it’s surely only a matter of time before the technology is used to disrobe more modern, living, flesh-covered ladies. And no, they don’t have to all be mummies!
But what if it’s eventually agreed that sexing up science is Now, any researcher who feels they need to add a sexy lady to their paper to really “sell” it, read the above and consider me your “ghost of Christmas future”.
a valid tactic? That women are far more useful as sex objects than actual Dean Burnett is on Twitter as @garwboy. He won’t be very active on there at present, he’s probably still in the shower trying to get rid of the disgust and shame he feels from writing these hideous examples
contributors, as many mainstream outlets regularly imply? What would science
reporting look like then? Basically,
what if Nuts magazine and the like had science sections? To give a taste of
such a world, here are several current science stories, “sexed up” to make them
more popular/awful.
Pepe Le Pew was true!
Sense of smell is a hurdle to getting the girl
We all know Pepe Le
Pew, the cartoon French-skunk Lothario who taught modern men everything
they know about romance and never taking no for an answer. But recent
scientific evidence suggests that, despite being a skunk, old Pepe may have
given us an accurate portrayal of the dating game.
Recent evidence from the Rockefeller University
reveals that humans can identify over one trillion different odours.
That’s more than can be found in Brian Fantana’s Cologne
cabinet!
So if you do have your eyes on a certain young lady, you
need to be more aware of your olfactory presence. The Lynx effect
isn’t enough; you need to make sure you smell as good as possible. And don’t go
relying on the old “pheromones in sweat” claims to justify not showering; there’s
no
hard evidence this is a real thing. There may be some women who are turned
on by the smell of old socks full of ripe cheese, but would you want to get
together with someone who’s into that sort of thing?
So lads, make sure you smell good, as women have way more
sensitive noses. And if you can get past one very sensitive part of her body,
maybe she’ll let you get close to others?
Like it hot and wet?
Then avoid the moon
It’s great when your girlfriend is willing to get hot and
wet, but it looks like poor old planet Earth is not so lucky; he’s in a
long-term relationship with a cold, frigid rock. The moon seems to be the
perfect partner at first glance: loyal, petite, always showing her curves, but also
with a dark side to keep it interesting. Sure, she’s cold and distant, but that’s
OK as it looked like there was plenty of
water locked up in the moon, so putting up with this cold exterior was
worth it for the wet steamy payoff.
But now Nasa’s Dr Boyce has revealed that this might not be
true after all. Writing in the journal Science,
he and his colleagues reveal that the moon was thought to have loads of water
because there was a lot of hydrogen present in the moon mineral known as apatite (and who doesn’t like a girl with appetites?) Hydrogen is in water, so
there must be a lot of it in the moon given how much there is in the apatite. QED. Sadly, Dr Boyce’s research has revealed
that it doesn’t work that way, so it’s all just been one big tease!
We’ve all dated girls who do that. How about we dump the
moon ASAP and replace it with Venus? She’s hot
and tempestuous, which is bound to keep things interesting.
Big fat snakes know
just where to go
Every man knows the embarrassment of the unplanned, unexplained
erection. It’s not just when we see a fit girl with an impressive chest, it can
happen anywhere. On the bus, in a bank queue, just waking up can be enough to
set it off. Our trouser snakes have no sense of place or direction as
they clearly have no clue where they are half the time.
If only they could be more like the Burmese python. Every man would be happier with something like this stashed downstairs,
because they’re:
a.
Massive
b.
Often found in hot,
lush places
c.
According
to the latest research, they seem to have their own in-built GPS system.
That’s right; studies have revealed that Burmese pythons
are able to return to their home locations with a speed and accuracy that
clearly suggests some navigational ability that would rival a modern Sat Nav, and
seeing how often those things send unwary drivers into swamps, the pythons
probably have the edge.
Imagine if our own personal “snakes” had this ability. Being
accused of thinking with it all the time wouldn’t be such an insult any more,
am I right lads!
Hell hath no fury,
like a chicken scorned
Built for speed. Long-necked. Resembles an emu on steroids. Armed
and dangerous. No, we’re not talking about my ex, but a newly discovered dinosaur,
dubbed the “Chicken
from hell” by the boffins who found it.
For most of us, “chicken from hell” better describes the
post-pub take-away we end up getting on Friday night and regretting for all of
Saturday morning, but in this case it’s actually a 66m-year-old
feathered beast previously unknown to science. It is believed to have existed
on a diet of small live animals, plants and possibly eggs. A fully grown adult
would have weighed up to 300kg. Again, you can’t blame me for constantly getting
it mixed up with my ex.
The actual name for this beast is Anzu wyliei. Bizarrely,
that’s the name of my ex. Never drink home-brewed vodka while on a Club 18-30
holiday lads, that’s all I’m saying. You never know who you’ll wake up with.
Egyptian strip-tease
goes hi-tech
One of the best things about the internet is it’s now easier
than ever to see someone naked. Hardcore nudity is just a Google search away.
But sometimes, you need the realism and enthusiasm of a good old-fashioned
strip show.
Now you can get the best of both worlds with an interactive
strip show, meaning you can remove all those obscuring layers yourself with
your own hands, but that pesky “no touching” rule no longer applies.
Granted, at present the technology is only used to let you
unwrap Egyptian mummies,
and if you’re the sort of guy who can get turned on by stripping your mummy, I
won’t be having a drink with you any time soon. But it’s surely only a matter
of time before the technology is used to disrobe more modern, living,
flesh-covered ladies. And no, they don’t have to all be mummies!
Now, any researcher
who feels they need to add a sexy lady to their paper to really “sell” it, read
the above and consider me your “ghost of Christmas future”.
Dean Burnett is on
Twitter as @garwboy. He won’t be very
active on there at present, he’s probably still in the shower trying to get rid
of the disgust and shame he feels from writing these hideous examples