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'I'd love to have my own place': young Europeans on the struggle to fly the nest 'I'd love to have my own place': young Europeans on the struggle to fly the nest
(34 minutes later)
Maria Farrel, 28, Kells, DublinMaria Farrel, 28, Kells, Dublin
I wanted to go back to university I wanted to go back to university
as a mature student to study teaching and the only way I could afford toas a mature student to study teaching and the only way I could afford to
do it was to move back home. The everyday is fine as I get on well with my parents. We both understand it's not a do it was to move back home. The everyday is fine as I get on well with my parents. We both understand it's not a
long term thing, it's just until I finish university. I think they're long term thing, it's just until I finish university. I think they're
happy that they are able to help me achieve my dreams of becoming a teacher. happy that they are able to help me achieve my dreams of becoming a teacher.
They wouldn't be able to afford the €1000 or more it would cost for They wouldn't be able to afford the €1000 or more it would cost for
myself and my sister to rent near university, and I wouldn't ask them tomyself and my sister to rent near university, and I wouldn't ask them to
pay it either, but this way they contribute in a huge way to my pay it either, but this way they contribute in a huge way to my
education. I know my mother didn't like the house being empty when I waseducation. I know my mother didn't like the house being empty when I was
living away as they bought dogs! living away as they bought dogs!
I don't pay rent but I I don't pay rent but I
contribute by buying groceries or heating oil for example. I don't contribute by buying groceries or heating oil for example. I don't
really have rules or chores. I guess it's like living with any really have rules or chores. I guess it's like living with any
housemates, where I clean up after myself and try to be quiet when I get in housemates, where I clean up after myself and try to be quiet when I get in
late or leave early. And it hasn't really had any impact on my social life. late or leave early. And it hasn't really had any impact on my social life.
Although I do miss having people over for dinner and too many bottles ofAlthough I do miss having people over for dinner and too many bottles of
wine. That's hard to do when your Mum might pop in to put on the kettle wine. That's hard to do when your Mum might pop in to put on the kettle
at any given moment! at any given moment!
The benefits are mainly financial, although The benefits are mainly financial, although
it's nice to have my parents around. My dad always has great practical it's nice to have my parents around. My dad always has great practical
advice and nobody can comfort you after a bad day quite like your mum advice and nobody can comfort you after a bad day quite like your mum
can. The worst thing is the guilt I feel when a package from Asos.com can. The worst thing is the guilt I feel when a package from Asos.com
arrives and my mum says "shopping again were we?!" The worst thing is arrives and my mum says "shopping again were we?!" The worst thing is
other people's reactions with them pitying me because it must be awful other people's reactions with them pitying me because it must be awful
for me or acting like I'm a failure somehow. I tell them I'm living at for me or acting like I'm a failure somehow. I tell them I'm living at
home by choice and I'm lucky my parents are so supportive.home by choice and I'm lucky my parents are so supportive.
I don'tI don't
find out until I've finished university. I think I'd be too stressed find out until I've finished university. I think I'd be too stressed
financially. As soon as I'm qualified and working again, I will financially. As soon as I'm qualified and working again, I will
definitely move out.definitely move out.
I think, even though they've lowered since I think, even though they've lowered since
the beginning of the recession, property prices and rent prices are the beginning of the recession, property prices and rent prices are
still too high. Too many young people are left relying on their parents still too high. Too many young people are left relying on their parents
for deposits for houses. The government offers rental assistance for for deposits for houses. The government offers rental assistance for
people on social welfare but does very little for students. In Dublin, people on social welfare but does very little for students. In Dublin,
on campus accommodation is extortionate at €4500 per year. No young on campus accommodation is extortionate at €4500 per year. No young
person can afford that kind of rental outgoing along with paying fees person can afford that kind of rental outgoing along with paying fees
and the cost of living. I think more should be done to help young peopleand the cost of living. I think more should be done to help young people
attend college. attend college.
Gaia Paradiso, 26, Piacenza, ItalyGaia Paradiso, 26, Piacenza, Italy
When IWhen I
was 17 my was 17 my
dad said to 'go and explore the world and find your way.' Now I'm back in dad said to 'go and explore the world and find your way.' Now I'm back in
Piacenza, the provincial city where I was born, and I'm living with Piacenza, the provincial city where I was born, and I'm living with
them again.them again.
The The
advantages of living with your parents are the love and affection they advantages of living with your parents are the love and affection they
give you. And also the fact that everything is ready for you: I like give you. And also the fact that everything is ready for you: I like
cooking, for example, but they help me. Both my parents work, but my mumcooking, for example, but they help me. Both my parents work, but my mum
takes care of the house as well. takes care of the house as well.
So when you So when you
wake up, you have your cappuccino; then you start working and you apply wake up, you have your cappuccino; then you start working and you apply
for jobs. You don't have to worry about the management of the house, which is nice.for jobs. You don't have to worry about the management of the house, which is nice.
But the But the
problem is you don't feel empowered. And I think for us, for young problem is you don't feel empowered. And I think for us, for young
people, it's really important to have the power to control your life andpeople, it's really important to have the power to control your life and
say: "I can do this. I can have a job but I can manage my private say: "I can do this. I can have a job but I can manage my private
life as well."life as well."
You need to You need to
be able to learn to do all these things, because at the end of the day be able to learn to do all these things, because at the end of the day
you would like to build a family. It's not my priority at the you would like to build a family. It's not my priority at the
moment, but it would be nice to be prepared.moment, but it would be nice to be prepared.
I came back to Piacenza at the end of January, after a six-months stint working in Brussels.I came back to Piacenza at the end of January, after a six-months stint working in Brussels.
BeforeBefore
that I had been studying for a masters in international relations and that I had been studying for a masters in international relations and
political science in Florence, and before that I spent a wonderful year political science in Florence, and before that I spent a wonderful year
in Brazil working for the United Nations Development Programme.in Brazil working for the United Nations Development Programme.
By that By that
point, I already had one masters- in international management- and my point, I already had one masters- in international management- and my
original degree, from the university here in Piacenza, in economics and original degree, from the university here in Piacenza, in economics and
business management, which involved spending two years in Boston, in thebusiness management, which involved spending two years in Boston, in the
United States. United States.
I speak five I speak five
languages: English, French, Spanish and Portuguese, plus Italian, my languages: English, French, Spanish and Portuguese, plus Italian, my
mother tongue. But I feel if I want to work internationally I need to mother tongue. But I feel if I want to work internationally I need to
speak more, like Chinese or Arabic.speak more, like Chinese or Arabic.
Sometimes, it feels like it's never Sometimes, it feels like it's never
enough, like I cannot really find my place in this world.enough, like I cannot really find my place in this world.
II
have different volunteer activities, I am writing opinion pieces for have different volunteer activities, I am writing opinion pieces for
the local newspaper about the European elections in May, and am the local newspaper about the European elections in May, and am
helping my old university establish an alumni network for the economics helping my old university establish an alumni network for the economics
faculty. I am also helping to coordinate the official Italian youth faculty. I am also helping to coordinate the official Italian youth
delegation to the G8.delegation to the G8.
But my main But my main
focus is looking for a real job. When I came back here, I said to focus is looking for a real job. When I came back here, I said to
myself: "I am not going to spend lot of money. I am going to stay at myself: "I am not going to spend lot of money. I am going to stay at
home, I will cook at home and hopefully something will come up."home, I will cook at home and hopefully something will come up."
By now I haveBy now I have
applied for so many jobs as well as internships, again, in applied for so many jobs as well as internships, again, in
Italy as well as in Brussels and in London, where my brother is Italy as well as in Brussels and in London, where my brother is
studying. I send my CV and I keep calling to check if they received the studying. I send my CV and I keep calling to check if they received the
application, if we can have a Skype talk, or an interview at some application, if we can have a Skype talk, or an interview at some
point.point.
I don't give up. Because if I give up, it's not going to happen. I need to make it work.I don't give up. Because if I give up, it's not going to happen. I need to make it work.
II
think our generation is suffering a lot from this. Because if you don't think our generation is suffering a lot from this. Because if you don't
have a job, you don't have a family, you cannot really lead your own have a job, you don't have a family, you cannot really lead your own
life. If you have a job, then everything follows. I don't want to be life. If you have a job, then everything follows. I don't want to be
rich, but I would like to have enough to continue my life and build rich, but I would like to have enough to continue my life and build
something.something.
Daniel de Reybekill, 22, Birmingham, UKDaniel de Reybekill, 22, Birmingham, UK
I live with my I live with my
parents in a threeparents in a three
bedroom house which my mum and step dad have had for over a decade. My bedroom house which my mum and step dad have had for over a decade. My
mum is in her mid-forties and my step dad who is in his mid-fifties works from home. I have one sister who is 23, a second year mum is in her mid-forties and my step dad who is in his mid-fifties works from home. I have one sister who is 23, a second year
arts student who lives between home and her boyfriend's house across the arts student who lives between home and her boyfriend's house across the
street. Both her and I pay rent.street. Both her and I pay rent.
When I graduated I hoped to When I graduated I hoped to
find stable work, save up and travel like many young people nowadays. find stable work, save up and travel like many young people nowadays.
Unfortunately the part time summer job I had didn't want to Unfortunately the part time summer job I had didn't want to
retrain me, while the music reviewing and blogs I was passionate about,retrain me, while the music reviewing and blogs I was passionate about,
just wasn't paying. I ended up spending six months looking for work just wasn't paying. I ended up spending six months looking for work
unsuccessfully. After Christmas I finally signed on to Job Seekers unsuccessfully. After Christmas I finally signed on to Job Seekers
Allowance. Many people complained about the paperwork, the hassle and Allowance. Many people complained about the paperwork, the hassle and
the others on Job Seekers, but I actually found them very helpful. the others on Job Seekers, but I actually found them very helpful.
DuringDuring
my time in their hands, I was motivated to look in more appropriate my time in their hands, I was motivated to look in more appropriate
areas, helped with my CV, and although the bar and waiting job I areas, helped with my CV, and although the bar and waiting job I
started recently was not found directly through their Universal Job started recently was not found directly through their Universal Job
Match website, I doubt I would have found it without their help. IMatch website, I doubt I would have found it without their help. I
spent three months on Job Seekers Allowance where the £40 a week rent I spent three months on Job Seekers Allowance where the £40 a week rent I
would have paid was waved by my parents. Now I am paying it again but would have paid was waved by my parents. Now I am paying it again but
now it's my own well earned money. now it's my own well earned money.
Mum knows being back Mum knows being back
home makes sense but she is anxious for me and is aware that it's important for home makes sense but she is anxious for me and is aware that it's important for
both my sister and I to spread our wings. As a parent with low income, both my sister and I to spread our wings. As a parent with low income,
she finds it tough financially, but she is always going to help us whereshe finds it tough financially, but she is always going to help us where
she can. Typical day involves a list of a few normal house she can. Typical day involves a list of a few normal house
keeping jobs; some shopping that might need doing, cleaning the fire outkeeping jobs; some shopping that might need doing, cleaning the fire out
and so on. I do miss inviting and so on. I do miss inviting
friends around. It's had a big impact on my almost non-existent social life friends around. It's had a big impact on my almost non-existent social life
now, apart from a drink in town with a couple of friends every other now, apart from a drink in town with a couple of friends every other
week I sometimes feel like I rattle around the house. Building a week I sometimes feel like I rattle around the house. Building a
structured day or week, and sticking to it is a huge help in stopping structured day or week, and sticking to it is a huge help in stopping
yourself getting bored stiff and becoming a couch potato. I enjoyyourself getting bored stiff and becoming a couch potato. I enjoy
cooking, cycling and writing which I fit in between part time work. cooking, cycling and writing which I fit in between part time work.
I spent a couple of months really struggling mentally, before I was I spent a couple of months really struggling mentally, before I was
able to build up confidence and start feeling happy again. I read able to build up confidence and start feeling happy again. I read
somewhere that people who end up as long term unemployed, the risks of somewhere that people who end up as long term unemployed, the risks of
mental instability increase rather worryingly.mental instability increase rather worryingly.
I would love I would love
to move out. If I could move out tomorrow I would in an instant. But I to move out. If I could move out tomorrow I would in an instant. But I
don't have the money or the job security to be able to make a financial don't have the money or the job security to be able to make a financial
commitment of that size. Zero hour contracts may do wonders for the figures but it does nothing for the commitment of that size. Zero hour contracts may do wonders for the figures but it does nothing for the
thousands like me who are stuck at home, or at the very bottom of the thousands like me who are stuck at home, or at the very bottom of the
property ladder. There needs to be a change in the way jobs are freed upproperty ladder. There needs to be a change in the way jobs are freed up
higher up the system, instead of just at entry level. Whether it's higher up the system, instead of just at entry level. Whether it's
related to the retirement age I couldn't comment, but there are more related to the retirement age I couldn't comment, but there are more
people working, and for longer than ever before.people working, and for longer than ever before.
Elisa, 31Elisa, 31
I live in aI live in a
duplex house with my parents. I'mduplex house with my parents. I'm
living with my parents because I have no choice. I have a low salary, and Iliving with my parents because I have no choice. I have a low salary, and I
don't have the possibility to get a mortgage. My fiancé is working, but the company he works in is close todon't have the possibility to get a mortgage. My fiancé is working, but the company he works in is close to
bankruptcy. We can't buy a house, and we can't even rent one: we don't havebankruptcy. We can't buy a house, and we can't even rent one: we don't have
enough guarantees.enough guarantees.
Living withLiving with
parents is really frustrating. I love them, they help me a lot, but I feelparents is really frustrating. I love them, they help me a lot, but I feel
inadequate and discouraged. I work so hard but I can't get my independence, Iinadequate and discouraged. I work so hard but I can't get my independence, I
can't live with my fiancé and form my own family.can't live with my fiancé and form my own family.
Nicole Amiri Fältlöv, 24Nicole Amiri Fältlöv, 24
I've studied in Rome, I've studied in Rome,
Stockholm, and Poland, but I always came back to Malmö. After I came Stockholm, and Poland, but I always came back to Malmö. After I came
back from Poland two years ago, I started to work as a freelance back from Poland two years ago, I started to work as a freelance
journalist and applied for a journalism degree. But I didn't make enoughjournalist and applied for a journalism degree. But I didn't make enough
money, so I decided to stay in my father's house. He said, "you can stay here as long as you want. You don't have to money, so I decided to stay in my father's house. He said, "you can stay here as long as you want. You don't have to
pay any rent. You don't have to pay for food", so right now I'm saving a lot of money.pay any rent. You don't have to pay for food", so right now I'm saving a lot of money.
My father is Persian. He is the one who cooks: no carbs, only super healthy foods. My father is Persian. He is the one who cooks: no carbs, only super healthy foods.
Sometimes he cooks Persian food. He does a vegetarian Ghorme Sabzi whichSometimes he cooks Persian food. He does a vegetarian Ghorme Sabzi which
is very good. We usually eat together, and talk about is very good. We usually eat together, and talk about
different things including football, what's going on with our lives and about his different things including football, what's going on with our lives and about his
job as a nurse in Lund.job as a nurse in Lund.
I can do anything I want. I have had many parties. If I I can do anything I want. I have had many parties. If I
see my boyfriend, I usually go to him, but it's not forbidden for me to see my boyfriend, I usually go to him, but it's not forbidden for me to
bring him home.The only problem is that it doesn't feel like it's really my home. Ibring him home.The only problem is that it doesn't feel like it's really my home. I
would like to change everything and throw out a lot of old things, but would like to change everything and throw out a lot of old things, but
it's not my decision.it's not my decision.
If I took out a student loan I could afford to rent a If I took out a student loan I could afford to rent a
flat by myself, but I want to live in Stockholm. It's so expensive in Stockholm and there are such long rent queues. They are building and building, but it's not enough. If I rented out a flat flat by myself, but I want to live in Stockholm. It's so expensive in Stockholm and there are such long rent queues. They are building and building, but it's not enough. If I rented out a flat
here and moved all my stuff that would be a signal that I was going to stay here and moved all my stuff that would be a signal that I was going to stay
in Malmö for a long time.in Malmö for a long time.
When I tell people that I live with my When I tell people that I live with my
Dad, everybody says, "that's so cool." It's only my sister who says it'sDad, everybody says, "that's so cool." It's only my sister who says it's
time for me to move out. She thinks I'm lazy and spoiled. I'm the only one in my class who lives with their parents. It's time for me to move out. She thinks I'm lazy and spoiled. I'm the only one in my class who lives with their parents. It's
not as usual here in Sweden as it is in Italy or Spain. Here in Sweden not as usual here in Sweden as it is in Italy or Spain. Here in Sweden
you have to be independent very fast. It's the social norm. The unemployment rate for young people is so high here in Malmö. I you have to be independent very fast. It's the social norm. The unemployment rate for young people is so high here in Malmö. I
think that that's why many young couples live together. I see that as a think that that's why many young couples live together. I see that as a
huge trend now.huge trend now.
When I finish my degree next year, I want to move to Stockholm When I finish my degree next year, I want to move to Stockholm
because I think that you have a better chance of finding a job as a because I think that you have a better chance of finding a job as a
journalist there. I'm going to search for a sublet, and then I will ask all my friends.journalist there. I'm going to search for a sublet, and then I will ask all my friends.
It has been my dream to be a journalist since IIt has been my dream to be a journalist since I
was 12. I love to write, and I also love football, so I started to was 12. I love to write, and I also love football, so I started to
combine those two passions. When I was 19, I started to write for a combine those two passions. When I was 19, I started to write for a
football website, and then it just continued, and now I can't think of football website, and then it just continued, and now I can't think of
anything else apart from working as a football journalist. Ianything else apart from working as a football journalist. I
think I will be grateful and happy that I stayed with my Dad for as think I will be grateful and happy that I stayed with my Dad for as
long as I lived in Malmö, because I know I will not stay here for long.long as I lived in Malmö, because I know I will not stay here for long.
Tom Westcott, 23, Gomshall, Surrey, UKTom Westcott, 23, Gomshall, Surrey, UK
I would love to move out, I would love my own space, I feel that I have freedom but just that my parents are watching every move. I aim to be out within the next two years, but if it takes longer then it takes longer.I would love to move out, I would love my own space, I feel that I have freedom but just that my parents are watching every move. I aim to be out within the next two years, but if it takes longer then it takes longer.
When I chose not to go to university my dad's first reaction was that I was going to be sponging off them financially and be reliant on their support. I have made sure this has not been the case since day one. On call as a firefighter, I have to go to the station within four minutes, meaning some evenings I will create a mess and then disappear, or they will be woken by my pager followed by the chaos of me rushing out. I need to live within a few miles of a station. It just so happens that all the stations are in affluent areas, making it difficult for a young single person to get on the property ladder. I am saving for my deposit to buy rather than rent, but I am reminded often how it is dad's house.When I chose not to go to university my dad's first reaction was that I was going to be sponging off them financially and be reliant on their support. I have made sure this has not been the case since day one. On call as a firefighter, I have to go to the station within four minutes, meaning some evenings I will create a mess and then disappear, or they will be woken by my pager followed by the chaos of me rushing out. I need to live within a few miles of a station. It just so happens that all the stations are in affluent areas, making it difficult for a young single person to get on the property ladder. I am saving for my deposit to buy rather than rent, but I am reminded often how it is dad's house.
I am fortunate enough to live in a stunning area with a nice garden. My parents are both working. Since I haven't yet moved out they probably want rid of me and their own space.I am fortunate enough to live in a stunning area with a nice garden. My parents are both working. Since I haven't yet moved out they probably want rid of me and their own space.
On my social life, I have ground rules. Although they say I am welcome to have friends around, I try not to. After all it is their house and their space. No friends upstairs. I tend to try and get out of the house to give them their space.On my social life, I have ground rules. Although they say I am welcome to have friends around, I try not to. After all it is their house and their space. No friends upstairs. I tend to try and get out of the house to give them their space.
I am fortunate I don't have too many chores. Perhaps I do take them for granted a bit, mum is fantastic. I help with dogs and loading the dishwasher.I am fortunate I don't have too many chores. Perhaps I do take them for granted a bit, mum is fantastic. I help with dogs and loading the dishwasher.
The situation in this country is difficult. I chose not to go to university as I felt there was no course for what I wanted to do. Because of the from parents and the constant reminder of no work, I worked as hard as I could to get the income to save for a deposit for my first place. It's difficult to say there is one thing that needs to be done - we need affordable housing and support for young people. I am fortunate enough to have a job so I am getting closer to the day where I can own my own place. This day hasn't come yet.The situation in this country is difficult. I chose not to go to university as I felt there was no course for what I wanted to do. Because of the from parents and the constant reminder of no work, I worked as hard as I could to get the income to save for a deposit for my first place. It's difficult to say there is one thing that needs to be done - we need affordable housing and support for young people. I am fortunate enough to have a job so I am getting closer to the day where I can own my own place. This day hasn't come yet.
Are you living at home with your parents? Share your experiences and thoughts in the thread below