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David Cameron's final PMQs: The outgoing Prime Minister's best jokes David Cameron's final PMQs: The outgoing Prime Minister's best jokes
(about 4 hours later)
David Cameron has delivered his final Prime Ministers Questions, joking about his empty schedule and mocking the chaos in the Labour party.David Cameron has delivered his final Prime Ministers Questions, joking about his empty schedule and mocking the chaos in the Labour party.
Britain's soon to be ex-Prime Minister gave a performance many likened to a stand up routine, obviously enjoying his final PMQs. Britain's former Prime Minister gave a performance many likened to a stand up routine and obviously enjoyed his final PMQs.
Ulster Unionist MP Danny Kinahan paid tribute to Mr Cameron's "hard work and leadership" and suggested that he might be interested in taking up positions which had become available as manager of the England football team, presenter of BBC One's Top Gear or president of the United States. These are some of Mr Cameron's best gags of the day.
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn suggested the PM could take up Len Goodman's job on TV's Strictly Come Dancing - though the PM admitted "I don't really have a pasa doble". On his schedule for the rest of the afternoon: "Other than one meeting this afternoon with Her Majesty the Queen, the diary for the rest of the day is remarkably light."
Outlining his engagements for the day, Mr Cameron joked: "Other than one meeting this afternoon with Her Majesty the Queen, the diary for the rest of the day is remarkably light." On female Conservative leaders: "When it comes to women Prime Ministers I'm very pleased to be able to say pretty soon it's going to be two-nil...And not a pink bus in sight!"
Congratulating Theresa May on becoming leader of the Conservative party, he took a series of pot-shots at the opposition, saying: "When it comes to women Prime Ministers I'm very pleased to be able to say pretty soon it's going to be two-nil. On the Labour Party: "We've had resignation, nomination, competition and coronation, they haven't even decided what the rules are yet...If they ever got into power, it would take them about a year to decide who would sit where."
"And not a pink bus in sight!" On Jeremy Corbyn: "He’s reminding me of the black knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail! He’s been kicked so many times but he keeps saying keep going, it’s only a flesh wound!"
Mr Cameron also delivered a barrage of jokes about the chaos in the Labour Party, saying: "We've had resignation, nomination, competition and coronation, they haven't even decided what the rules are yet. On the advice his mother gave to Mr Corbyn: "He seems to have taken her advice and is looking absolutely splendid today."
"If they ever got into power, it would take them about a year to decide who would sit where." On meeting former Mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg, who said to him: [American accent] “Cameron, prime minister’s questions, we love your show!”
After laughing at the joke, Mr Corbyn replied: "Democracy is an exciting and splendid thing and I'm enjoying every moment of it." On Ken Clarke: “Not many people know this, but his first act as Chancellor of the Exchequer was to fire me as a special adviser,”
The Labour leader thanked Mr Cameron's mother for her advice on suits and ties, to which the Tory leader said: "I will certainly send his good wishes back to my mother. He seems to have taken her advice and is looking absolutely splendid today."  
In response to the news that the family are leaving the Downing Street cat behind at Number 10, Mr Cameron assured MPs: "I love Larry, I do, and I have the photographic evidence to prove it. In response to the news that the family are leaving the Downing Street cat behind at Number 10: "I love Larry, I do, and I have the photographic evidence to prove it...Sadly I can't take Larry with me, he belongs to the house and the staff love him very much, as do I."
"Sadly I can't take Larry with me, he belongs to the house and the staff love him very much, as do I." His final time as Prime Minister, Mr Cameron said: "Nothing is really impossible if you put your mind to it. After all, as I once said, I was the future once."
Addressing the House of Commons for the final time as Prime Minister, Mr Cameron said: "I will miss the roar of the crowds, I will miss the barbs from the opposition.
"Nothing is really impossible if you put your mind to it. After all, as I once said, I was the future once."